Reinventing

I consider myself somewhat of an expert on setting and reaching goals based on what has happened over the past 48 hours. First, I'll talk about the CrossFit stuff. Then the bigger, life changing event that many of you know about.

Earlier this fall, I fell out of love with CrossFit. I love seeing my athletes set PRs, but I hadn't set my own in quite a while. When I feel really strong feelings, it shows on my face...I felt like I was having meltdowns all the time. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't fun for me anymore. And when you spend so much time at a place, it should be fun. So I tried to take a break. It wasn't a good break since a lot was happening at that time and I couldn't extricate myself from it completely. I needed to take some deep breaths. I needed to reevaluate.

But I came back, like I always do. Right now, I'm just trying to not put pressure on myself (in positive terms, I'm trying to be calm and realistic). I'm trying not to let outside factors affect my workouts (be mindful of what I'm doing). I'm trying to remember that it's just exercise, and I need that to feel better. It takes work to just be happy. A lot of work for some of us.

Today I attended a Goal-Setting Seminar. We learned a lot about positive self-talk and how to help our athletes set and achieve realistic goals. And I set my own goals for the next month (125lb. clean), 6 months (RX Diane), year (muscle up), and week (run 2 5Ks).  As I listened to Greg Admundson speak about CrossFit, I kept thinking of how to apply this to the rest of my life. All of it applied to the rest of my life. I wish I could have other people in my life hear what he was saying. But all I can do is what I have control over. All I can do is present my best self.

So here's the rest of the story...

About 8 weeks ago, I was at a low point. I felt like over the summer I was supposed to figure out some big life stuff. Basically, I need to figure out how to make money doing what I love. I feel like I have a lot to offer. I'm just not sure how to translate that into a living. I have these books about how to turn passion into meaningful work. I have the tools I need. I just wasn't seeing anything.

And one night I got really frustrated. I had my books out. I had my journals out. I had my pen ready. I just didn't have anything to say. And I distinctly remember lying on my bed, thinking, 'Depending on what song plays next, I'm going to write tonight or I won't.' I didn't even know what that meant. But the next song that came up was this little dance track called "Put Your Hands Up for Detroit." And I started thinking about Detroit, specifically an essay Mitch Albom wrote in late 2008. Since then, I've wanted to do my part in saving Detroit, but I didn't know how.

And maybe I didn't know how at that time in 2008 because I was too busy saving myself. I was not doing well. I was in a job that made me unhappy and frustrated. I didn't have very many friends in Eugene. I was unhappy in other parts of my life. So how can I save an entire city when I have so much to work on with me?

And as I was sitting there thinking about myself and thinking about Detroit, then these ideas flooded over me. And I wrote down everything that came into my head, everything that was meaningful to me about the city and what I knew of efforts to improve it. And I was so excited that I sent one of my closest friends some of my ideas. And although those ideas were pretty vague at that point, he was excited that I was excited about these ideas.

And I talked to more people and it started to take shape. I talked to a friend who had a project funded on Kickstarter earlier this year and got some advice. And I came up with Reinventing Home, a book of essays centered around the question How does a city coming out of a depression compare to a person coming out of a depression? And after being very thoughtful and careful in putting these ideas together, I threw it out into the world. I gave myself a (modest) funding goal and a time frame in which to raise these funds.

And the coolest things started happening. I got messages from people from my hometown who understood the project. They gave me ideas. Other people talked to me about it. I'd get emails telling me who just pledged toward my project. Some days were quiet. People sent me links to stories about Detroit, or depression. Some days friends would talk about or share my project. And it all took on a life of its own. At one point, I started to worry that it wouldn't get enough funding (although something in my heart told me it would). And now, it's funded. It's real life.

An idea I had in my head on September 6 is now a project with funding that I need to make into reality.

One of my strengths, I believe, is my creativity. I'm an ideas person. In college and grad school, that was mainly with theatre and writing plays. I'd come up with these bizarre ideas and they'd take shape on stage. I started to lose that in the real world. I had jobs where I did have to be creative, but there were goals and deadlines and people who were affected by my work. And now I've been teaching, which is lovely and fun and challenging. But I realized the other day that I need to create again. I need to put my work out into the world.

The funding is a big thing. But even bigger is knowing that so many people believe in my abilities and in this project. 

I'm grateful for the support from my friends. I'm also grateful that some of the pieces are starting to come together again.

Redemption

For me, the CrossFit Games Open is now done. I am very happy about that. While I feel like I was somewhat of a catalyst for some people to sign up, I feel like I wasn't a very good competitor this year. I felt like I didn't really give it my all on any of them (except maybe my second attempt at 12.2). I wasn't really excited about any of them....until 12.5.


I practiced handstand push-ups all week. I still haven't gotten one, but I am SO CLOSE!!! I was sure they would program a Diane ladder (deadlifts, hspu). Most people thought this. Instead, they brought out the last one from last year: the Fran ladder.


Last year, I got three thrusters and spent 6:30 trying to get a chest to bar pull-up...twice. And although I've been able to get chest-to-bars in practice now and then, I haven't really done them consistently, so I wasn't sure if I was able to get them during the WOD.

I got 23.

And I would have been able to do more if I hadn't been SO HAPPY!!!! I don't know if I've ever smiled so much in a workout. What a relief! I've actually improved! It's been so long since I've seen actual improvement...maybe this is just what I need to kick myself back into some sort of mental shape.


And part of me thought, for a minute, 'Damn. I could have gotten more reps if I would have known I would have done that well. And that was my one shot.' But then, my true self came through. It's just exercise and I improved! How often do we just enjoy what we're doing in CrossFit (as much as you can enjoy thrusters and pull-ups)? I was smiling for hours after that. Not because I looked ridiculous, like my snatches in 12.2, but because I was awesome!


So the moral of the story is don't forget to have fun. Otherwise, what's the point?


So I hope that the Open was worth it for everyone who participated. I look forward to seeing who will be going to Regionals this year. And for those of you who pushed yourself farther than you intended, nice work. You understood the point.

“Promise me you'll always remember: 

You're braver than you believe, 

and stronger than you seem, 

and smarter than you think. ”

Christopher Robin to Pooh

A.A. Milne

 

And this, right here, is truly what the Open is about: Pride.

**And I am purposely leaving out any mention of the wall balls in 12.4. I completely lost my motivation and those weren't fun. Not at all. They never will be.** 

Wagons

So much of Crossfit is nutrition, which is why this lifestyle is so difficult. I fell off the wagon. For most of May, I was eating a lot of sugar. It was stress or boredom or ... something. But a funny thing happened. So a couple weeks ago, we did the workout Cindy, which is a pretty grueling workout (20 minutes of pull-ups, push-ups, and squatting). The next day I ran a 5K. Then a rest day. Then the Filthy Fifty, which I completed (not quite RX, but I'm getting there). I can't believe I completed it. Yes, there was a time limit, but I was close enough and I kept going. Anyway, the next day was the first day of Crossfit Endurance, and I had to run another 5K. I got a horrible time (for me) - it was 1:30 slower than my 5K earlier that week. My knee hurt. I was mad at myself. My calves were super sore. So I had every intention of going back to Crossfit later that week (taking some rest first, of course). But I was sitting in my office on Friday and I just felt awful. I felt like allergies were coming on and I could barely keep my eyes open, even after taking something. I went home and drank a cup of coffee, and I slept all afternoon. I guess I needed it.


But then I slept in on Saturday. I didn't go to Crossfit Saturday morning. I never sleep in unintentionally. It was like my body had just had it. I still ate poorly on Saturday (we went to a casino, which had a buffet), but then decided that I needed to get back on track, both with workouts and with eating. I just didn't want my body to feel awful anymore.


So I've cut the artificial sugar and gluten. I'm definitely not full-on paleo, but I'm certainly better than I was earlier this month. I've done some tough workouts and I'm going back tomorrow. As much as it irritates the hell out of me, there's something to this nutrition thing.


There was an article on Crossfit Journal this week about a study done about emotional fitness and Crossfit. It was a small study - done in one gym. The participants were supposed to stick to the diet and workout regimen for 7 weeks. That's a long time. The ones who finished certainly scored higher on their emotional scales, but I'm more interested in the ones who didn't finish. What made them go back? Was it keeping up with workouts? I doubt that. I think people can be pretty consistent when they're having fun and seeing results. But the eating part - I'm guessing that's where they fell off the wagon. Eating is, for many of us, emotional. It shouldn't be, but it is. So what can Crossfit do about that?

LOST

I have a few things to say about LOST and I think I have more readers here than elsewhere, so this post is going to be about LOST. 


I was OK with the finale. It wasn't perfect, by any means. But the ending was moving and Vincent was OK, so it was fine with me. I've kept up with LOST on Slate with writers who were mixed about the final season. The page I link to suggests the final season without the flash-sideways. We didn't really need it. It wasn't really real anyway. If all it was doing was leading to this final purgatory thing, I don't know if it was worth it. I like the message at the end - that in order to get out of limbo, we have to let go (boy, do I know that lesson) - but was it the best way to get there? Instead, the writers could have focused on the island story, which was actually pretty good (aside from the temple people). But instead they chose to show everyone meeting each other in an alternate reality. I'm not sold.


My biggest disappointment from this season was their abandonment of Walt's story. I get it. The kid grew up. He went from this:

to this:

While all of the other castaways looked the same. I get it. But he was special. He was important. They made that very clear in the first 3 seasons. Then they just gave up. His dog was more important - Vincent made it into the last scene! They're creative people, but it didn't seem that way this last season.


I made a prediction a few weeks ago when I had the opportunity to come up with the worst possible ending. Frank would crawl up from the ocean, they'd all get on the plane and crash into another island. Well, the last part didn't happen, but really? Really LOST? I know we didn't technically see Frank die, but we did see him get hit by a big metal door on a submarine that was going underwater. Frank doesn't have any special powers. He's just Frank. And they did it. They flew the plane away. What's Richard supposed to do in the real world? Miles has his Nikki and Paolo diamonds, so he's OK, but Richard's like 150 years old. I'm not happy that Kate lived either, but whatev.


I'm not angry with the writers/producers, but I want more. I expect something better. Can we have a do-over? I'd like to rewrite season 6. I'll keep a lot of what they offered - there really was a lot of good stuff there - but I'm not going to cop out. I'll give it a real ending, not with answers, but with redemption. 


And despite my ranting, I actually did appreciate the finale, but the more I think about it, the more I change my mind. It has changed each day. That's probably what the producers wanted anyway.


Ketllebells.