Resilience

I, admittedly, have not quite been myself lately. I have been super-emotional and that has come out in front of whoever is around at the wrong time. But maybe, I don't know, maybe that's more 'me' than I want to admit. I generally come across as calm, serene, whatever. I think a lot of the churning that happens inside is starting to come out.

Anyway, where this is going is that I need to remember my motto, my mantra, what I was reminded today is emblazoned on my skin: SISU.

The Detroit Tigers just played Game One of the American League Championship Series against the Yankees. What this means to non-baseball fans is that this is the series before the World Series. And we hate the Yankees. Everyone hates the Yankees.

The Tigers played AMAZING baseball for 9 1/2 innings. Our starting pitcher, Doug Fister, was beautiful. It was a high-stress situation and he was calm and focused. We went into the bottom of the 9th with a 4 run lead. The Yankee crowd had quieted, booed their players who weren't performing, and by the 9th, the crowd had started to leave. We had this. Advantage Detroit.

And then it fell apart. Tigers fans knew it as it was happening. Our closing pitcher did this last week. He doesn't have it right now. We watched it crumble before us. And the Yankees scored 4 runs. All of the confidence we had...gone.

And we kept playing - into the late night. It was ugly. It took forever. 5 hours, to be exact. It was late on the West Coast and it was still happening. And the Tigers persevered. They just kept going. The Yankees had the advantage. The crowd was back into it. But the Tigers showed grit. They represent one of the toughest cities in the country. They were patient. When they saw the chance, they got on base. They scored runs. And they won. SISU.

This is what the Tiger's manager had to say after the game:

 "If we are going to be good enough, we have to be able to take a punch, and we took a big punch.  We took a right cross in the ninth inning but we survived it." - Jim Leyland

I'm not quite sure what's been going on with me. Just a lot of anxiety. Stress. Frustration with certain things in my life, including CrossFit. But I know what's in my blood. On my skin forever. If the Tigers can win this game after everything that happened last night, I can get through this. SISU.

I Don't Follow My Own Advice

Usually, our CrossFit workouts take anywhere from 5-20 minutes. You don't want to be too intense for too long. Sometimes, we do these crazy WODs that we make up or Hero WODs that take a lot longer than 20 minutes. Today I am reminded why we shouldn't do this too often.

Murph is one of my favorite WODs. 

Run 1 mile

100 pull-ups

200 push-ups

300 squats

Run 1 mile

Wear a weight vest if you have it.

Right. So this takes a while. I did it on New Year's Eve last year and it took me 50:38. That's a long time to be working out hard core. So my goal this time around was to do it in 45 minutes. That did not happen.

I ran the mile and I actually felt a little slow. I think I finished in about 8:20. So that would leave me about 25 minutes to finish 20 rounds of Cindy before I'd have to head out for my last mile. I can do that! 

Actually, I can't. Not on Tuesday, anyway. I started doing my 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups, and 15 squats. The squats hurt more than usual this time. Hmmm. I kept looking at the time and the amount of rounds that kept adding up. I knew I wouldn't do it in 45 minutes. I felt sick to my stomach. My thighs hurt. Everything hurt. I wanted to stop. I constantly wanted to stop. 

But I didn't. I would look down at my wrist. SISU! I would think about Murph and all of those who lost their lives for our country and figured I could get through the workout. I headed out on that last mile run and felt numb and hot and cold at the same time. Seriously, I did not feel good when I got back to the box and saw the clock: 50:19. Well, at least it was a PR.

The coaches had put a 45 minute cap on the workout, which I just ignored. I was going to finish. They just needed to keep the clock running. I know I want my athletes to listen to me and I know I should listen to my coaches, but sometimes you just have to finish. You can't put a time cap on awesome.

But since then, I've felt exhausted. I went to Jamba Juice right after the WOD and refueled with a smoothie. Then I just sat for a while. I watched Cougar Town. I watched VH1's top songs of the 90s countdown. I felt nostalgic. I felt like we should bring back this song for this summer:

I thought about all the great music that I miss so much. But really, I just couldn't move.

Yesterday, I moved around slowly. I had breakfast/lunch with one of my most favorite people and had some french toast, which made me even more sleepy. I tried to move in GWOD, but really, it just wasn't happening. 

Today, my shoulder hurts. I can't really, truly extend my right arm. My legs are just useless. I am exhausted.

A couple weeks ago, I worked a lot and I didn't work out that much. Last week, I was angry at the world and I worked out too much. This week, I do Murph and I can't move.

I just can't seem to pull it together this month. I need consistency, rest, and good nutrition. I need to do what I tell other people to do.

Such is Life

Last week at this time, I was sure that I was about to face a big change in my life. I was ready. I had worked hard. It was happening.


Until...it didn't.


I did everything right. I was 98% sure that something I wanted so much was going to happen. I hadn't planned on that 2%. I really hadn't planned on it.


There are variables in life that we can't control. I wasn't ready for this to not work. If you saw me on Monday or Tuesday of last week and I wasn't crying, you were lucky. It was a rough couple of days. I've dealt with depression a lot in my life and I was really worried that I was going to fall into a really dark place when this happened.


But I haven't.

I did this a few weeks ago. Yes, this is real life. I needed a constant reminder of who I am and where I come from. Since I've gotten it, I've thought of my grandmother so much. She's been through more than anyone should handle. Finns are tough people.


Sometimes we want something. It might be a job, an opportunity, weight loss, hanstand push-ups, pistols, whatever. We try EVERYTHING and we're almost there...and yet, it just doesn't happen. I believe, in my soul, in perseverance. When we don't get what we've worked so hard for, we have to believe in it, or else we collapse. 


C'est la vie

Snatch It Like It's Hot...Or How Not to Get A Lot of Weight Overhead

My hopes of showing off my double under skills were obliterated when CrossFit HQ announced WOD 12.2 - a snatch ladder. Just snatches for 10 minutes, increasing in weight every 30 reps. After some initial grumbling, I understood the WOD. Most can get through 30 reps. Those with some strength can get between 31-60. Those with both strength and skill will get the most reps.


For women, this meant starting out at 45lbs, then moving up to 75 for the second part. That was my previous 1 rep max. So I walked in not knowing what to expect. My goal was 40 reps. I got through my first 30. Then it got ugly.

Yeah, my back is hurting.

I failed trying to get 75lbs up. And I failed another 3 times. I swore loudly. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want people watching me fail for 5 minutes. And I don't quite know how it happened, but I finally got that weight overhead. And I did it the way we really shouldn't - I managed to get it up to head-level then press it up. Ugh. It was nasty. I finished with 48 reps.


And one of my favorite athletes said I was smiling the whole time. Of course I was. It was RIDICULOUS! There were a few rules about what we couldn't do, but otherwise, just get it from the ground to overhead in "one" motion. I was also smiling because I exceeded my goal - I was pretty happy with my score. But some stupid instinct in me told me I could get 60 reps. So I waited a couple days, then I went at it again.


So I came in on Sunday, ready to get 60 reps. After my first 30, I had 7:30 to complete it. That is such a huge jump in weight. It really is. I ended up with 53, 5 better than the first time, and I was completely happy with that. 


And I could care less how I compare to other people. I know a lot of women in the box got 60 reps and that's awesome. I just didn't have it in me this time. 75lbs was my one rep max - now it's my 23 rep max.


We also saw some amazing determination (SISU!) by our athletes. One woman, Annie, got the 60 reps on Thursday and new she could get to the next level if she focused. She showed up on Saturday, got through the 60, then loaded the bar. A crowd formed. She attempted to snatch 100lb. - failed. Tried again, failed. And suddenly, something clicked. She got that weight overhead, and everyone was so happy. And she did it three more times. That's a true CrossFitter. That's what the Open is all about. Nice work, Annie!

Guilt

Crossfit has brought out a side of me I hadn't seen in a while. Today was the 2nd Annual 5K Love

Which was organized like a pro by my buddy Emilee. This year there was a 10K option. Great! You know what? I haven't been running a lot lately. And honestly, full disclosure, big surprise here...


I hate running.


There's nothing I like about it. I don't like how it feels. My knee gets all weird. I'm breathing heavy. No matter how much I strap stuff down, there's still stuff bouncing. Like, I hear people talk about this mystery 'runner's high.' I have no idea. I've never come close.


So I sign up for the 5K. And what kind of response do I get? "What? You're only doing the 5K?" "Come on, you can do the 10K." Jerks.


So I run the 10K. And I'm running with Rachel who I know can run much faster than me. But she keeps me company. And I'm thinking, 'I worked out a lot this week. Maybe I should take it easy. Is that my knee feeling weird again? Was that really just the first mile? Why did the first mile take so long?"


And it's not just running. There are stations along the way for burpees and lunges and squats and push-ups and broad jumps. I do them. Last year I didn't. This year I did. I'm a good sport.


So we get to the turnaround point. I'm having serious, serious doubts about running another 3 miles. It really doesn't sound good. But something in my head is telling me that I have a green tag on and it says 10K and I should quit complaining and just do it. Fine. And honestly, the second 3 were much more pleasant than the first. Then there's more squats! What??? More squats? No! I thought I was done with the stations. So I politely decline and keep running. And I think about those squats. 


And then the guilt sets in.


And Rachel and I slow down. And we do our stupid squats. And we do the next station, and the next.


Why do you do this Crossfit? Why do you make me feel this way?


We finished in 61:28, which was actually faster than I thought. I pushed through. I always do. 


I have this voice in my head that shows up early in a workout and tells me I can't finish. It's always there, no matter what. And I'm sure it will always be there. I've learned to live with it, accept what it has to say, and ignore it.

Eye of the Tiger

This is Justin Verlander. He is, without question, one of the top pitchers in Major League Baseball right now (if not the best). He has pitched a no-hitter this year and has nearly pitched 2 more. He's probably going to win the Cy Young Award this year. And he’s a Tiger!

If you watch him pitch, which you should, you’ll notice one dominating characteristic about him: focus. When he’s on, he’s on. No emotion, just pitching. Yes, the Angels tried to rile him up the other day and it kind of worked, but that was a team effort to stop him. He knows what he needs to do and he goes out there and focuses on the job.


I noticed this a few times this past weekend at the Crossfit games. First there was Elisabeth Akinwale. These athletes had to go through this row of monkey bars during a workout. Fun, right? They ended up ripping hands and morale. It takes a lot of shoulder strength and agility to quickly make it through them. This woman? She flew.

And it was awesome. She knew this was her workout, and she dominated. Pure focus, one rung to the next.


A lot of people were cheering for Pat ‘Manimal’ Barber this weekend. He’s kind of a Crossfit celebrity. Average guy; amazing strength. The last workout ended with pulling a sled across an arena with a long rope. Yeah, the Manimal was one of the first few with the rope, but everyone expected strong guy Jason Khalipa to finish first. Then, out of nowhere, the Manimal’s sled starts moving across the arena. he gets this sheer determination, this focus, and wins his heat.

In the back, yeah, he wins the heat.

The crowd roared.

And then, of course, is our own Cheryl Brost. Cheryl finished 13th last year in her first games. We watched her crush workouts through the Crossfit Open, then fight from behind in the Northwest Regionals to make it to the Games. She was so consistent this weekend. She focused on the workout in front of her and she showed grit and determination through each one. While the camera would focus on someone more well-known (Camille, ahem), Cheryl just did her best and finished strong. 13th last year. 7th this year. And at the end of every workout:

A true champion.

Thanks for inspiring us, Cheryl.

:)

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, 

and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. ”

Christopher Robin to Pooh

A.A. Milne

 

Determination

I love this picture.

This is Becca Voigt. She won the Southern California Regionals this weekend. She's pretty awesome. I love that she looks exhausted and beautiful and determined. And she works at a bank during the day, Crossfits at night.


So many superheroes in this world.

Sisu

I am 25% Finnish. I'm also part Swedish and part Danish. The other half of me is a very long story that will make a good movie someday. A few years ago, someone I didn't know very well called me a Stoic Scandinavian. I like that. I'm very proud of my Scandinavian roots. Herring? Yum! 

Yes, my relatives wave both Finnish and American flags.

Sisu is a word that the Finns use to describe themselves. It stands for determination, perseverance ... a sustainable will. It's a long-term mental toughness. The ability to face adversity ... the ability to always face adversity. I see this in my grandmother.


Yesterday, I was looking at some video from the Crossfit Games European Regionals. Some of the strongest and most-respected Crossfit athletes are from the Nordic countries. I noticed one wearing a t-shirt that said Sisu. I also noticed one of my Eugene Crossfit buddies wearing a Sisu shirt today.

It makes sense that this word would catch on in the Crossfit community. Crossfit isn't about the "fitting-gym-into-your-schedule" mindset. It's about making a commitment. It's about lifestyle. And that lifestyle isn't easy. You make choices. You don't eat everything you want to eat. You do the workouts when you're tired. You make it through the workouts when you want to stop (trust me, I wanted to stop many times today). It's perseverance. It's determination.


It seems like lately, I've been able to live up to sisu in regards to Crossfit. I'm also working very, very hard to do this in the rest of my life.That is the real test.


See also: True Grit