Regression (But not for long)

We work so hard to make gains in Crossfit (and in life), and it is so, so easy to lose them. I'm currently in the midst of 3 weeks away from Oregon. 3 weeks away from my normal routine. This is not good for me.

For the first week, I worked in Detroit. This was an amazing and exhausting experience. I did get a chance to work out at a CrossFit that is just opening up - CrossFit Benchmark Workouts - and they are fantastic. I really think they'll make a difference in their neighborhood, and hopefully, the city. The coach knew I was visiting, and welcomed me with a hug. I totally felt like I was home.

Aside from that, I didn't exercise much in the Motor City. I walked a lot - in my boots. But that was about it. I was hoping to make it back to Crossfit, but they have limited hours and I had many appointments. 

From there it was on to Chicago for a completely low-key weekend, which was what I needed. I talked to so many people and learned so much in Detroit. I really felt like I needed a break. I spent time with one of my oldest friends. We talked, went to the movies, played games - it was a good weekend.

Last Sunday, I made it back to Kalamazoo. I hadn't seen my family in a year, so I was looking forward to 10 days with them. Monday morning, I knew I needed to do something physical, so I bundled up and went for a "run" through downtown. I hesitate to call it a run, but I did move as quickly as I could. My heart was beating. I was breathing hard. I needed this.

I made some observations and thought a lot on that run. Smoking is much more prevalent here than it is in the northwest. I noticed a lot more smoking - in Detroit, in Chicago, and in southwest Michigan - than I do in Oregon. We have the same laws - no smoking indoors - but there are a hell of a lot more people smoking outside here. AND IT'S COLD!!! 

Also, exercise is not part of the lifestyle here. Some people do, but a lot more people in the northwest get outside and run or ride their bikes or walk or ANYTHING. I don't see that as much here.

And the third observation, which became very apparent that evening, is the overabundance of carbs. I don't know what got into me, but I ate more cereal and crackers in the first 24 hours at my sister's than I have eaten in the past year. And once I started, I couldn't stop. And I knew what I was doing when I was eating them. They're empty calories. I'm still hungry when I'm done. There's no point in eating them.

But what else is there to do?

And then we made the cookies, and we all know how that story ends.

Anyway, I've felt myself regressing all week. I feel enormous (I know I'm not enormous, but I feel that way).  And this isn't just a physical thing. Yes, I can feel the few pounds I've gained. I can also see my skin reacting. I can also feel the depression setting in. I know how this goes.

So yesterday, the sun came out for a while. It was very, very cold, but very bright. So I took the dog for a walk, then I ran around the block. It was less than a mile, but I ran fast and once again, I felt my heart beating. I breathed hard. I felt more alive. I did the same this morning, but walked and ran a little further. I don't like it, but I know I need it. (I've always meant to check out the Crossfits in Kzoo, but I never quite make it)

And today I managed to avoid eating cookies until 2pm, which is a vast improvement over the past few days. I've also started taking Vitamin D, which I've been told for years to take, but never have. We'll see if that helps.

I fly back to Oregon on Thursday and get back to Eugene on Friday. When I get back, I will work out - a lot. I know how it helps physically (and I need a lot of help in that area), but I also know how it makes me feel. And I need to feel better. I know how to do it. It just takes work.

SO...I'm putting a stop to my regression. I know how I can act. I know how people see me. But that doesn't mean that's how I have to act. It just takes work.

So hard....for so many reasons...during the holidays. Time to work on feeling as happy as I look here: 

Moderating (or not)

I eat cleaner than the vast majority of Americans. And I understand that eating clean can mean different things to different people. Many people would look at a Yumm bowl and think, “Rice, avocado, olives, tomatoes, edamame...that looks pretty healthy!” Sure...but not for me. Grains are probably not the best choice all around (although I don’t think that a little rice now and then can hurt). I don’t want to admit it or believe it, but I think there’s something in Yumm sauce (like crack) that makes me congested. Because that’s how I feel now when I eat something I’m not supposed to - congested. Thanks Whole 30. Now I’m acutely aware of how food makes me feel.

It seems like I’ll go through phases where I’ll eat pretty clean, then I’ll allow myself some treats, then I’ll just go off the deep end and I can’t button my jeans anymore. Then I’ll realize I need to clean it up, I’ll stay that way for a few weeks, then I’m back to the sweatpants. I remember reading something in a magazine a while back...a word I hear people say once in a while that I don’t really understand...something like...moderation?

Of course! Moderation! Duh! This could mean eating 90% paleo and allowing a cheat meal once a week. That sounds great! That sounds easy! That sounds...COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY UNDOABLE!!!   

I am not a moderator. I can’t eat two Thin Mints. Is there anyone in the world who could eat two Thin Mints? Once that box is open, they’re gone in a matter of minutes. And this isn't just about food! If I like something, I want a lot of it. Baseball just started. You think I can check scores and standings once a week or once a day? Forget it. My time is occupied from now until the end of October (since the Tigers will win it all this year). Moderation is not in my vocabulary.

CrossFit workouts are “fun.” They make you feel like your body is actually doing something. They push you to work harder. Beat the clock. Beat your last time. Get one more rep. Do it! Sometimes we’ll plan on a rest day, then see what the workout is that day and think, ‘I have to do this one! I’ll take a rest day eventually. Maybe the next day.’ And it never happens and we get burnt out and injured. OK, this doesn’t always happen, but sometimes it can. I think I’ve almost figured out a way to find ‘moderation’ in CrossFit.

Rest (sometimes)
Don’t go crazy RX superhard beastmode every day
Listen to your body
Let your coaches scale you
Stop comparing yourself to other people*

*A special word on this last one. During the CrossFit Open, of course we compare ourselves to others. We’re all doing the same workout with the same weights. I was disappointed in a lot of my workouts, but I need to factor in the rest of my life. My stress level this past year has been a lot higher than in the past. I don’t want to mention how many times I’ve moved in the past year, and how different my life is now than how it used to be. These are important factors that the leaderboards don’t measure.

I need to think of food this way, too. I think dairy makes me break out. Sugar turns me into a monster. Ordering a Yumm bowl a few times a week is just lazy. Do I want to be this way? No. So I need to be mindful of the choices I make and what behaviors and side effects they will cause. I need to be accountable for how I act and how I present myself to the world. Food is a big part of that. Food is just the first step. Time to reset, yet again.

Certified

Soooooo.....after a lovely (cold) weekend in Portland and a loooong week of waiting for test results, I can now say that I am a CrossFit Level 1 Trainer. Yay! This is something I've wanted to do for a long time. I love writing and I teach writing, so it made sense to me to teach CrossFit since, well, I love CrossFit. So here is a recap of the past week or so.


The Cert
I sat down for the Cert and looked through my binder and notes. Some of us noticed a short guy in a red sweatshirt and a knit cap walking around up front. Then the whispering started. Was that ... could it be...Heck yeah! Chris Spealler was our instructor! Awesome! He's like, as CrossFit as you can get! 

Our first day was filled with lots of basic CrossFit info and reviewing the 9 basic movements of CrossFit. We ended the day with Fran. Spealler joked at the beginning that we were going to do it right then (like 9am day one) and actually, by the end of that day, I wish we had done it earlier. I was pretty tired and hungry but still determined to RX it. And much to my dismay, I was the last person in my heat to finish and EVERYONE watched me do my pull-ups. They even no-repped me a few times! I got a 6 second PR and finished in 9:01. Fran is not my friend.  And, honestly, it kinda looks like Fran punched me in the face a little.

He's a little stronger than me, but I'm catching up!

Day 2 featured more skills practice, a lecture on nutrition (interesting after being immersed in the Whole 30), and a fun workout involving running, double unders, and kb swings. After lots of fun stuff, we took the test. Full disclosure: I didn't really study for the test. I should have. But I didn't. And yes, I passed. But I've also been doing CrossFit for over 2 years. Still, it was stressful. All of the trainers at the Cert were awesome. I came back energized and all full of CrossFit love. I come in on Monday for some Mobility work and to cheer on my friends through Nancy. And then...


I got sick.


I never get sick. Stupid cold. I tried working out on Tuesday - double unders and power cleans. Awesome! Not so much! I was exhausted through the whole thing and couldn't get my hips to work. Ugh. I had to take 2 rest days in a row this week! Today I'm feeling a little better and I am going to go in. I know I have other hobbies, but I miss my friends. One of the factors that could have caused this setback:


My Poor Eating Habits
Fine. I did the Whole 30. Then I eased back into my life. Then I just went off the deep end. Dessert every night! And a glass of wine! Moderation? What does that mean?


To give you an example, after day one of the Cert, I went back to my hotel and ate at the restaurant. I don't just get one bad thing. I get:

• A burger (with bacon and a fried egg - but no cheese!)
• A glass of wine
• AND A piece of pie WITH ice cream

Why? Why do I do this? Why can't I get one bad thing? Why do I have to do it all? Yes, I was so hungry after that long day, but I didn't need to do this. And I've started to get take-out more and more, which I know I don't need to do (given, my take out is better than fast food, but still).


So I've decided to do a Whole 10. I need smaller goals and some sense of direction. I need to remind myself that I can control myself. Today is day 2. I can totally make it, because honestly, I need to


Do Better
I haven't made any real progress since Spring. Yes, I've set PRs on some benchmarks lately, but they aren't big PRs (a few seconds here and there). I know I can lift more and run faster. I need to have a period of gains and in order to do that, I need to take this stuff seriously. So I need to dial in my eating, focus on form, and take rest days. Lead by example. That's my goal.

This is Where I Try Not to Tell People How to Run Their Lives

I did not intend for this blog post to be about nutrition. This blog post was supposed to be a testament to CrossFit, and to how I manage not to run for 2 months, and I can go out and run 6 miles with no problems. I hate running but somehow, I manage to get through it. CrossFit is the reason for that. But this post isn't about that.


I try not to tell people how to run their lives. I'm not the best person to do that. BUT when I hear someone tell a group of people misleading information about nutrition - and not just people, but athletes - I have to speak up.


So I did this really great run this morning out at a winery. It's a run for women. We go out for an hour and run, then come back and have mimosas and waffles. Nice. They had a speaker from a popular fitness place in Eugene to talk about nutrition. She answered a few questions and I had to start writing down what she was saying. It was the complete opposite of what I heard at the Whole 30 seminar last week.


Q: What's a good recovery meal?
A: Grilled PB&J with chocolate chips
Q: What's a good snack?
A: String cheese
Q: What's a good pre-run snack?
A: Juice/bananas/yogurt


Other foods she recommended: 
Pancakes with cottage cheese
Tortillas with Peanut Butter
English Muffin with Jam
Oatmeal


My awesome friend wanted to ask her about paleo, but I said no, wait. I want to see if she mentions vegetables. And finally FINALLY she said something about carbs coming in the form of fruits and vegetables. 


Look, I tried to be polite (not mean). I may have rolled my eyes. I may have gasped. As one friend said, I looked like I was twitching. I waited until she was wrapping up, and I raised my hand (see, polite), and said, "If you want to eat bagels and oatmeal and cereal, that's fine. But you can get your carbs from veggies and you should get them from veggies."


This is what I wanted to say:

FDA Official: "Just Eat A Goddamn Vegetable"


But I was polite. I want that to be noted. Me. Polite. Nice. 


We also got free 2 week passes to this popular fitness place. Anyone up for getting kicked out of a gym?

This is Such a Bad Idea

Seriously, do you realize how bad I eat? I know the Whole 30 is coming up. I know I've gained weight. I know what I'm going to have to do and how angry I'll be during this challenge. Knowing this, you know what I did yesterday after the workout? I went to get groceries ... when I was hungry. And guess what was on sale ... with coupons sitting in front of them?

You don't know how bad my willpower is. It's non-existent. I'm doing challenge for good reasons - to challenge myself, to feel better, yada, yada, yada...., but it will be tough. But most things worth doing are difficult, right?


The old blog has been revived - Eat Like You Mean It - as a support system, since we're not alone. I will be calling people for help with this. If I have your number, you'll hear from me. And I won't be happy.

The Whole 30

I've heard rumors of a nutrition challenge coming up in our box. Normally, I would not do it. Normally, I eat what I wanna eat. But, I'm going to do this one. Why?


Honestly, I kinda feel like a heifer lately. 


Before you say anything, I know that I'm not a heifer. I know I don't look like a heifer. But I do feel like a heifer. And it's time for me to start making some progress in the box. So, I'm committing myself to the Whole 30.


 


Here's what I like about it:

• It's strict. It's not messing around. I like that. I need that. I'm not a 'moderation' kind of gal.
• It's whole food. Whole food is generally better than processed food.
• Other people will be doing this too.
• I need the discipline.

Here's what I don't like about it:

• There's a huge section on what I can't eat. (Don't tell me what I can't do!!!)
• I can't eat a lot of what I've been eating.
• I can't eat ice cream.

It's been a stressful summer for me. At times, I've been great with my eating. OK, there haven't been too many of these times. I need to lay off the booze for a while. And honestly, I need to challenge myself.


Here's what I'm most interested in finding out:

• Will my skin clear up? I hope so, because it's been a disaster this summer.
• Will I set some strength PRs? I hope so, because it's time.
• Will I break? I never stick to eating plans. Never!!! When I try, it's all I think about until I go to the freezer and get the aforementioned ice cream.

Challenges

• This will start next week. I need to move again in the next few weeks. Moving = stress and trying to find convenient food. Be prepared!!!
• I have like 5 bottles of wine in my fridge. Am I supposed to drink these within the next week? What about all the other crap in my kitchen?
• I will be ornery! Like, super ornery. Deal with it!
• No Luna Protein Bars. Have you had these? They're like candy bars, but better (I think). 
• Seriously, no ice cream?

I may need to think about this again.

The Real Crossfit

This month, Eugene Crossfit is doing the WODs from the main Crossfit site. Usually our coach will do the programming for the workouts, and he does a good job, but with anything in life, sometimes change is good. The main site WODs can get pretty intense. Of course, everything is scaled to your ability, but it's still a killer workout. This is what we did:


Monday - Heavy thrusters and weighted pull-ups 15-12-9. This is also known as heavy Fran. We had done Fran the Thursday before and I was still sore. But I knew what I was getting into and I did the work. The greatest part of this workout was that I did 3 real pull-ups in the first set. I had only done one pull-up at a time before, and never during a workout, so this was big for me. After more pull-ups with a band and more heavy thrusters, I couldn't do anymore real pull-ups. But those three were a huge victory for me. I'm totally getting somewhere.


Tuesday - 5 rounds of 7 inverted ring hangs and 15 ring push-ups. This was a different kind of Crossfit workout. The inverted ring work was supposed to be done really slow. Basically, you grab a hold of some rings that are just about your height. You bend your knees so your arms are straight, and you swing yourself up, tucking your legs in, until you're upside down. Then you straighten your legs so you're completely upside down and slowly lower your legs to the ground. This is intense. Despite my lack of gymnastic ability, I'm actually able to get myself up on those rings. It was quite difficult to slowly go down, so the scaled back version involved lying on the ground, swinging your legs up and over, and slowly lowering them. This was hard enough. The ring push-ups were difficult, so I did them on my knees. The WOD wasn't timed and I was actually able to sing along to Lady Gaga during the WOD. My abs hurt afterwards. My work was done.


Wednesday - Kelly. Seriously? I have issues with Kelly. We did this in June during Benchmark week. I nearly had a breakdown. Kelly is

5 rounds for time:

400m run

30 box jumps

30 wall balls

It doesn't seem bad just by looking at it, but this WOD is brutal. And when I came in on Wednesday, I knew how hard it was. I let it get to me. When I did this in June, I only completed 4 rounds and I think the last 3 were only 20 reps. I stopped after 25 minutes and felt awful. Throughout the WOD on Wednesday, I knew I wouldn't finish it. We had a 35 minute cap. I was moving slow. There was no way. By the end of the 4th round, I knew I had time for at least the run and maybe some box jumps. There was still time. So I picked up the wall ball, which I didn't want to do. Emilee was next to me, feeling the pain, and to my surprise, I finished the WOD in just over 36 minutes. Sure, I could have stopped at 35 minutes and not finished the last 15 wall balls. 


So those were my three days of solid Crossfit WODs. We're going to keep doing them, which is awesome. They're really challenging and very rewarding.


How can I do better? My eating has been .... I can't even say. I've been eating so much sugar lately. There's no excuse except stress. I've made some major changes in my life. Once it starts settling down, I want to commit. I should say that I will commit now. I know I'll do better. If I can do these main site WODs, I can cut out the sugar. It will certainly make the workouts more tolerable. Except wall balls. Wall balls are never tolerable.

I Can't Cook

I'm also no good at fending for myself. When left on my own, I think about what I'm going to eat and how it's going to appear on my plate. I often think about it so long that it's too late to make real food and I end up toasting some gluten-free waffles and calling it good. This is probably not the right approach to good nutrition.

I never thought I couldn't cook. For years I could get by making mac and cheese or eating a bowl of cereal. Spaghetti? Sure, I can do that! I can even bake a decent cookie. But putting together a healthy dinner? Not so much.

Maybe my inability, or my lack of motivation, to cook stems from not eating meat for many, many years. I didn't have to really worry about not cooking something so it's safe to eat. For about 10 years I didn't eat any meat, then over the course of a few years, I started eating fish, then turkey, then chicken. I don't really trust myself to cook fish. Chicken - I think I can get away with that. Last fall I started eating beef and pork because I really didn't know why I wasn't eating it anymore. But cooking it? I don't feel I'm qualified.

I'm on my own for a couple weeks and I attempted to cook a steak the other day. I always complain about the house getting so smoky when Josh cooks; now I understand why. I let it cook, just like the recipe said. I didn't move it. I thought the burner might be too hot, but I still didn't disturb it. So when I finally did, after three minutes, it was too late. It's probably a good thing our smoke detector doesn't pick up too much. But I tried!

What does this have to do with Crossfit? My eating has been horrible lately. I've totally lost control. Sugar has taken over my life. Take out is awesome. I know what I'm supposed to do; I'm just not doing it. I know that in order to really stick to the paleo diet, you should cook your own food. That's a little intimidating to me. I'm almost to the point where I want to commit to this again. Almost. Tonight at the store, I picked up a rottiserrie chicken, carrots, celery, lettuce ... and maybe just a little bit of ice cream. I'm getting there ... I just need some time.

And I know ... my workouts have been bad lately. I feel weak. Tomorrow I have to do the worst workout ever created - Karen. 150 wall balls. I can't promise a better time, but I'll be there. And I'm going to bring a salad for lunch. And I'm going to do my best to not get take out and to not burn anymore steaks.

6 months

Yesterday I realized that my 6 month Crossfit anniversary just passed. I started thinking about all the things I got rid of when I started Crossfit.

The first thing I got rid of was cereal. I like cereal. I used to eat a bowl of Life every morning. But it really didn't do anything for me and I realized there were better choices for breakfast. So I got rid of my cereal.

The next thing I got rid of were my thighs, shortly followed by my waist. I never thought I would lose either of these things, but they completely disappeared. All that fat that used to sit there on my thighs - gone. I don't plan on seeing it again anytime soon.

Because of that, I got rid of some pants. I had to keep a few, so you'll often see me wearing pants that are too big, but belted. I'm not sure I'm where I want to be yet, but I can't afford to keep buying new pants.

I also got rid of about 10 pounds. That doesn't seem like much, but the shape of my body completely changed. I don't have a scale so I would get weighed whenever I went to the doctor's office. Since I haven't seen the doctor lately, I went to Bed, Bath, & Beyond this weekend and stepped on a few of their scales. I seem to have lost 13 pounds since I started. I'd like to lose 5 more to get to the weight I think my body should be. I'm almost there, and I know I will get there.

Something that I got rid of that I may have gotten rid of without Crossfit is processed foods. The paleo diet is based on fresh food and after a while it tasted awful to eat anything out of a can or a box. This is something I wish more people would follow suit with.

Eventually, I got rid of my excuses. All I need to do is show up and do the work to the best of my ability. I don't have to do great all the time. I think my greatest strength in Crossfit is my consistency. Even when I get really busy and I have so much to do, I show up. I know it will help my sanity if I can just work really really hard for an hour.

I've also taken quite a few minutes off my 5K time. I'm just at 30 minutes right now and I'm about to be under 30 minutes. I will be next time.

So my goals for the next six months are to get that 5K time under 30, do a real pull-up, and keep doing what I'm doing. And learn how to do a handstand. I'll get there.

Feeling Better

January is usually a bad month for me. I have the traditional problems like everyone else - it's winter and I hardly see daylight; it's post-holiday let down. It's also the month that my dad died - 9 years ago. Some years I'm OK - I think about it a little and move one. Some years I'm not. Last year was especially difficult. I don't know what it was about it, but it hung over me for weeks. I'm already thinking about it this year, although the anniversary is at the end of the month. I know that if I keep myself busy and allow myself to mourn just a little, I should be OK. Part of that will be Crossfit. If I'm one thing, I'm consistent. I go 4 times a week, sometimes 5 if I'm ambitious.

I've been dealing with depression since my teens. It's something my dad left me with! One element of depression that's a continuous struggle is making the effort to get out of bed and not sit on the couch all day. Sometimes it just sounds better to not do anything at all or to not deal with anything. But I must move and I must keep moving if I want to be an active participant in my life. When I belonged to a regular gym, I did my best to get in there and move a few times a week. Of course, it was mindless. And when something is mindless, I keep thinking about the things I always think about. The best workouts are the ones where I can't think about anything else. I have to focus on what my body is doing. I'm hoping that Crossfit will help me through this month.

It also takes a conscious effort on my part to make the right choices concerning food. I mentioned earlier that I'm being mindful of my eating this month and avoiding sugar and starch. This includes alcohol. It's good that I've already made the decision not to drink for the month - I have an excuse! But it's amazing how many opportunities there have been already and how many times I've said no. But if I can stay mindful of what I put into my body for the next few weeks, hopefully my state of mind will reflect the difference.

Here's to a better January.

Resolve

My fitness and nutrition have been lackluster through the holidays. I ate a lot of cookies. I can't even remember all I had for Christmas dinner but I know I felt sick afterwards. I'm not used to eating certain foods anymore and I'm not used to eating so much food. I know what I need to do to feel good; I just need to do it.

I did have a lovely holiday too. I spent it with my family. I showed off my muscles to my nephews. My 6 year old nephew and I did as many push-ups as we could in a row. As for workouts, I did one. Yeah, one. It was 10 double unders, 10 push-ups, and 10 squats -as many as possible in 10 minutes. I did it alone in my sisters garage. I tried doing real push-ups. They didn't look great, but I did them.

So in this new year, I have a few goals. We're going gluten free as much as possible. I already try to do that, but I'm going to try harder. I'll do 4 workouts a week, which I usually do. I need to get better at both push-ups and pull-ups. I need to do a handstand. And in May, I'm going to run the Eugene half-marathon. This I know I can do.

And I'm also getting married in the next couple years. This is new. I already have my dress picked out. It'll look awesome. I'm not worried about that.

Pain in the...

We did 200m lunges on Friday. It's now Monday night and I still hurt. Much, much respect to whoever can do a whole 400m of lunges. That HURT! The next day we had a team workout that included box jumps. Box jumps shouldn't be that difficult. Uy. I did move up to the 18" box, as previously stated. I'm very excited about that. The 20" box isn't far off. I was also happy with my running this week. We did 4x400m with a 2 minute rest in between. I was with a fast class, so I felt slow, but when I looked back I realized how much I've improved. My total time was 7:23. Awesome! I do need to work on my running so I can hit my goal of a sub-25 minute 5k. I still need to get one in under 30 minutes, but I know I'll be able to do that soon. I even have my eyes set on running the Eugene half-marathon in May. I know I can do this. My eating was way off track this week. Massive amounts of cookies and sugar made my stomach feel pretty awful all week. I do know better. I do. I'm not promising anything for this upcoming week (Christmas!), but I'll try to be mindful. I know I can do better. I'm heading to the beautiful midwest for Christmas. I will do my best with working out. I even get to compare muscles with my nephews! I know my sister has snowshoes and cross-country skis. I will do my best. And tomorrow is a Tabata workout. I know I heard the origin of that word once. In my mind, it means pain.

Discipline

I just went to Market of Choice to buy some food for the week. Tonight, everything I bought was organic and the meat was raised with food it should naturally eat. I really didn't buy much: carrots, cucumbers, 2 cartons of eggs, chicken, trail mix, salad, gluten free waffles, frozen fruit & veggies, and avocados. The total came to $45.24. All of this should keep me fed for hte next few days. It doesn't seem like it should cost me this much. And this is really just buying for myself; I don't have a family to buy for. It shouldn't cost this much to eat right. I didn't eat right last week. I said I would and I failed. The only thing that gets me, and this sounds soooooo stupid, is the candy jar in my boss's office. I know better. It doesn't make me feel good. But this is beyond paleo and beyond crossfit. With me, as with many people, there's been a lifelong connection between depression and food. It takes a lot of work for me to be happy and a lot of work for me to eat right. I do recognize the importance of both of these things for my well-being and I'll do my best this week. A lot of it comes down to having healthy snacks available at work; I just didn't plan last week. As far as the workouts, ugh. I should have done better with Monday's workout - pull-ups and double unders. Something was in my head again and the pull-ups got to me. I should have had a couple more sets of double unders to increase my reps. I don't know. Tuesday's workout was just brutal. Kettlebell swings, wall balls, and sit ups. I used a 1 pood kettlebell, which is 36 pounds. I felt all of those 36 pounds. I was just angry after that one. It wasn't fun. I wasn't proud. It just hurt. Anyway... Wednesday's workout was difficult for other reasons. It was a combination of cleans, knees to elbows, and box jumps. I became incredibly frustrated during the knees to elbows because I don't have a strong grip and my hands hurt - bad! I've seen pictures of guys ripping up their hands from pull-ups or other bar exercises and I can't do that. I have problems with my platelet count and if I start bleeding, it's bad news. My blood takes a while to clot. I know there are ways to work on grip and I need to do these things if I'm going to improve. It was just really frustrating for me during the workout. I couldn't get past it. Friday night's workout involved a series of 200m runs. I did OK considering I'm not fast and considering we couldn't see a substantial portion of the course. There was some uncertainty involving ice. But I did all right. My back has been hurting a lot for the past couple weeks. It's mainly my upper back and if this keeps up, I'll need to see my chiropractor. I bought one of those foam rollers to help my muscles, and I'll try to consistently use that. I feel like I should be getting better, but I don't feel like I am. We have a test this week with Helen, which we did 8 weeks ago. I know I'll do a lot better this time around. But still, there are areas where I'm not improving. My discipline needs to be practiced and not just talked about. That's a start.

Go Ducks!

Breakthrough

Life was a little more normal this week and I felt like I had a breakthrough on my pull-ups. I had seen people do the kipping pull-up but it never worked for me. I was always so frustrated with it. But for some reason, something clicked this week and I was able to use my body to get myself up. It all started coming together. There was another round of Elizabeth this week and I did better than my first shot at it. My dips were also a lot stronger. I'm starting to be able to hold myself up better and I feel like I have control over my movements. With the new varying warm-ups, I was able to try double unders again. And I figured it out. I could actually do a few in a row. The problem is my shins are starting to hurt, and the double unders just kill. So I know I can do them - I just shouldn't. I also passed on a potluck this week. I believe the them was comfort foods and I was going to make a really good mac and cheese. But I realized that I shouldn't and I wouldn't be able to eat much there, so I passed on the whole thing altogether. My eating hasn't been great since I've been back. I'm getting into the candy jar at work again. I know how it makes me feel afterward, but I just can't stop. It's all in my head. I need to get past it. I also stopped doing the burpee challenge because I kept forgetting, then I'd have to make it up another day. It was also really messing with my back. I don't feel bad about giving up on this. I just wasn't feeling right.

Eating on my Own

Josh likes to cook, so I let him. Josh travels a lot, but he hasn't traveled since we started crossfit. This week he went back to Iowa to get some work done. I have a tendency to order out when he's away, which is a really bad idea most of the time. I couldn't really do it this time since I was broke. And I was almost too lazy to go to the store. I'll blame it on my lethargy, but Sunday I looked around the house to see what we had, and I don't know why I did it, but I opened a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, one of my favorite foods of all time. I could barely eat it. Not because it was pasta. Not because it was cheese (kind of cheese, I guess). It was because it was processed. I have gotten so far away from processed foods that I can hardly stand to eat them anymore. It's a good thing! Now that I look back, my eating habits were so, so bad before. I used to eat a bowl of Life cereal for breakfast (I do love Life cereal). Many times I'd bring a frozen lunch to work, which is really the worst. We usually have healthy dinners, but I'd already failed on the first two meals. Not anymore. I've gotten used to making turkey bacon or a smoothie for breakfast and preparing salads for lunch. I try to take time on Sunday to cut up veggies, hard-boil eggs, and do anything I need to do to make it easier for the week. These are my intentions anyway. Not a lot to talk about this week as far as crossfit. I'm over my shock-to-the-system soreness. I did three workouts. My friend visited from out of town and we went to the Ducks game vs. Purdue. Life is getting back to normal, but it's work. Go Ducks!