All or Nothing

In an ideal world, I could eat a little piece of chocolate every day and be completely satisfied. In my real world, I eat a little piece of chocolate and then I go out and buy a cake. 


12 days ago, we started the Spring Leaning challenge at Crossfit. I figured that this would be my opportunity to finally drop those few extra pounds and get my body to where I really want it to be. I'm pretty happy with it right now, but there is room for improvement. For the past few years, I've had the number 135 in my head as my ideal weight, and I'm very close to that. I can totally get there if I just try.


For the first few days of the challenge, I was totally committed. I'm back to being paleo. I'm going to win this thing. Piece of cake. (no, no piece of cake. Cake would make me lose. Never mind.) Then I took my niece up to Seattle. And I still managed to do OK. It was the next day, when we drove from Seattle to Portland, when I decided to veer off course and stop at a diner and have some breakfast for lunch. Sure, I could have had an omelet and bacon, but let's get real. If you're stopping at a diner that serves breakfast all day, it's almost insulting if you don't order the pancakes or french toast. So I had some delicious french toast, with syrup. Yum. 


After that, we continued our drive and made it to Multnomah Falls. I really only planned to take some pictures and enjoy the view, but then we started hiking up. And I thought that we're here - we might as well keep hiking. So we hiked all the way to the top.

That's a long way to the top. Neither of us was expecting a hike, but we were there and we did it. On the way down, I asked her if she wanted something to eat or drink. Nope, she's OK. Then we see a kid with an ice cream cone. You know what comes next.


The following morning, before I took her to the airport, we stopped again to have a big breakfast. I can't pass up french toast and I had just had some. Whatever. I'll be good from here on out. French toast for everyone!


A couple days later was Easter and a friend held an impromptu brunch. I ate plenty of bacon and eggs, but I also ate some yummy bread and cookies. It's a holiday!


Aside from all of that, which seems like a lot when I put it down in writing, I have been pretty good these past two weeks. We had a going away dessert potluck at work, and I managed to eat my fruit and not eat any of the delicious goodies, even as they sat in the fridge for the rest of the week.  I unexpectedly received a piece of chocolate in the mail today from a resort that wants my wedding business, and I popped it in my mouth without even thinking. But after that, I thought that maybe I can be good for the rest of the week and eat whatever I want on Saturdays. Can I do that? What if I wake up the next day and want french toast? Can I go get my Ron's Island Grill tonight, with maybe a piece of carrot cake, and go back to eating normal tomorrow? I'm no good at moderation. I'm either in it all the way or I'm totally off base. I know this about myself. I can hardly moderate 'healthy' food. I got some trail mix to snack on at work. This stuff is ridiculously good. Almonds, seeds, hazelnuts, dried fruit, and apparently some addictive drug combined to make me shove handful after handful in my mouth. If I'm trying to moderate that, I'll need to physically separate it into ziploc bags of reasonable daily intakes. Until then, I'll keep thinking about moderation. While I think about it, I'll either have a big salad or a piece of cake. I'm guessing neither will make me really happy.