Life & Fear

I was just reading a little book about Art and Fear (specifically called Art & Fear) and came across this thought by Joseph Conrad:

"Fatalism is born of the fear of failure, for we all believe that we carry success in our own hands, and we suspect that our hands are weak."

I actually told someone today about how I can't do a handstand because I'm afraid my arms won't hold me. It's stupid. I have the strength. I just haven't practiced. This is such a simple move and I haven't been able to do it yet. I feel the same way doing an overhead squat. I should be able to lift a lot more weight than I can - I have the strength - I just don't trust myself to do it.

I just watched this show called Party Down (brilliant show, canceled, of course. If you haven't seen it, you should watch it just to see Adam Scott, who's also on Parks & Rec and is awesome and nice to look at). Anyway, Party Down is about a catering company in LA. It's full of actors/comedians/writers trying to make it. But the main character, played by Adam Scott, is a guy who tried acting for 8 years and quit and is now resigning himself to work this menial job in the service industry. And he still gets recognized for a terrible beer commercial. Anyway, much is made about following your dream and not quitting.

Writing is not easy. I don't know why I chose to try it. But I haven't been doing it enough for a while now. I've been out of grad school for 5 years. I have not written anything substantial in 5 years. Some people comment on how impressed they are with my consistency with Crossfit. Sure, I reply. It is such a great distraction from other things in my life. But I need to start dedicating as much time to writing as I do to Crossfit, driving included. No excuses. Art is hard and it sucks. But some of us feel this stupid urge to create something that someone else might appreciate. And it sounds weird but Party Down is the kind of show I would like to be involved with someday. So I need to get to it and not quit.