A friend recently sent me a message after seeing one of my pictures saying that I looked happier, more natural. True, my life has seen a lot of change lately, mostly for the better. New people, new places. I try to be cautious, although maybe it's not always for the best. Anyway...
I spent last weekend up at the North West Regional, working for the Media team. It was an exhausting, but fun weekend. And as much as I feel like I sometimes get burnt out on CrossFit this past year, I felt re-energized coming back. I worked out more than normal last week. I tried to work more with my right arm, since I'm tired of it not working. It'll all come back. I know I've gotten stronger in recent months, but I need to work on getting faster.
I've had a lot of trouble running lately. I just don't find any joy in it. I want to like it. I want to like it SO MUCH! But it just doesn't do it for me. This has been frustrating me since Epic Relay is coming up and I will run and ideally, I'll run better than I did last year. I have a lot of motivation to do better right now. Not only is the relay coming up, but I have gained a little weight and I need to get it back off (I know 99% of that is eating. I know.) I did fine running Bark in the Park a few weeks ago, but that was a race. On my own, I just give up. And with a friend, we just end up talking.
So this morning I got up and just started running. I just ran around my new neighborhood. My goals are low these days - no matter how far I'm going, just keep going. That's been the problem lately. I just stop. But I thought about one of my most favorite athletes competing last weekend. When I talked to her after she won Event 4, she said all that was running through her mind was "Just Go." So that's what I did today. It felt like I ran 10 miles, even though it was under three. It felt like I was sprinting, although my pace was slower than usual. But I ran. No walking today. Just go.
And as much as things have been better lately, and I've been happier overall, maybe it burns even harder when things go wrong. Yesterday, I had a terrible afternoon. Really, really bad. And it got much worse when I couldn't find something that's irreplaceable to me. It's the most valuable thing I own and I can't find it. I started hyperventilating yesterday looking for it...my notebook I carry with me all the time, with so many of my ideas and so many of my very personal thoughts.
Deep breath. I'll find it. I will find it. Prioritize. Cover the bases. Make it happen. Don't make all the good disappear just because of one afternoon. Be grateful for what I have - my friends, my family, my health, my talent - and just breathe.