The Things We Can Control

I've been quiet for a while, I know. It hasn't been the easiest summer, but I am hopeful that things will get better.

And it's in that spirit that I've committed to another Nutrition Challenge. I've been doing CrossFit for over 4 years now. So why should I do another challenge? I know how to eat right by now, right? (yes) I took the Whole 30 seminar, right? (yes) You know how important food is to your overall well-being, right? (YES!)

There are a lot of reasons for this. I'll get to the superficial one first. 

So, I'm currently nearing my pre-CrossFit weight. I know this doesn't mean much. It's distributed differently and concentrated more in muscle than fat, but still, I know there's a lot of room for improvement. So here I am pre-CrossFit

My hairdresser back then really liked to cut my hair short. I know better now.

Eh, I can do better, and I knew it. So this is me now.

Damn I look relaxed. That's what Lake Michigan does for me.

OK, this is pretty good, I'll admit that. But I've fluctuated a lot in the past couple years, and honestly, it's time for some stability.

So that's the superficial reason. I can look better and I know that. 

Next reason - I haven't been the best at CrossFit lately. I get frustrated. I get tired. I'm not lifting as much as I should.I'm skipping workouts because I don't want to do them.  I'm not really motivated to do well. I'm the first to say, "It's just exercise!" But every now and then I see glimpses of what I used to be able to do and I get excited. Nutrition is the biggest factor in our athletic performance. By far. There's not anything that comes close. So it's time to get that in order.

And the next - Terrible food makes you feel terrible. It's not rocket science. If you eat a lot of carbs and sugar and not a lot of veggies, you're going to feel like shit ... physically, mentally, emotionally. I need to be sharper. I need to have more energy. This is the easiest way to get there.

And the most important reason...I posted last week that there are so many things in life that we can't control, but what we eat is one that we can. And it impacts so much of our lives. It effects how we feel, how we sleep, how we function in the world. So why not actively try to feel better through food? 

I used to be terrified of flying. Like, it was bad. I would mask the fear with alcohol or Xanax, or both. But was that doing anything for the fear? No. I was still afraid every time I had to fly. But the last few times I've flown, I've decided to just sit with the fear. I try not to think about it. I sit on the plane. I listen to the sounds of take-off. I realize we're above the clouds and we're going to be OK...and I'm fine. I still don't love flying, but I'm learning to just sit with that fear and deal with it. Now I'm even more grateful for seeing the world from so high up.

Control the things we can. Accept and sit with what we can't. That's why I'm doing it this time.

Moderating (or not)

I eat cleaner than the vast majority of Americans. And I understand that eating clean can mean different things to different people. Many people would look at a Yumm bowl and think, “Rice, avocado, olives, tomatoes, edamame...that looks pretty healthy!” Sure...but not for me. Grains are probably not the best choice all around (although I don’t think that a little rice now and then can hurt). I don’t want to admit it or believe it, but I think there’s something in Yumm sauce (like crack) that makes me congested. Because that’s how I feel now when I eat something I’m not supposed to - congested. Thanks Whole 30. Now I’m acutely aware of how food makes me feel.

It seems like I’ll go through phases where I’ll eat pretty clean, then I’ll allow myself some treats, then I’ll just go off the deep end and I can’t button my jeans anymore. Then I’ll realize I need to clean it up, I’ll stay that way for a few weeks, then I’m back to the sweatpants. I remember reading something in a magazine a while back...a word I hear people say once in a while that I don’t really understand...something like...moderation?

Of course! Moderation! Duh! This could mean eating 90% paleo and allowing a cheat meal once a week. That sounds great! That sounds easy! That sounds...COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY UNDOABLE!!!   

I am not a moderator. I can’t eat two Thin Mints. Is there anyone in the world who could eat two Thin Mints? Once that box is open, they’re gone in a matter of minutes. And this isn't just about food! If I like something, I want a lot of it. Baseball just started. You think I can check scores and standings once a week or once a day? Forget it. My time is occupied from now until the end of October (since the Tigers will win it all this year). Moderation is not in my vocabulary.

CrossFit workouts are “fun.” They make you feel like your body is actually doing something. They push you to work harder. Beat the clock. Beat your last time. Get one more rep. Do it! Sometimes we’ll plan on a rest day, then see what the workout is that day and think, ‘I have to do this one! I’ll take a rest day eventually. Maybe the next day.’ And it never happens and we get burnt out and injured. OK, this doesn’t always happen, but sometimes it can. I think I’ve almost figured out a way to find ‘moderation’ in CrossFit.

Rest (sometimes)
Don’t go crazy RX superhard beastmode every day
Listen to your body
Let your coaches scale you
Stop comparing yourself to other people*

*A special word on this last one. During the CrossFit Open, of course we compare ourselves to others. We’re all doing the same workout with the same weights. I was disappointed in a lot of my workouts, but I need to factor in the rest of my life. My stress level this past year has been a lot higher than in the past. I don’t want to mention how many times I’ve moved in the past year, and how different my life is now than how it used to be. These are important factors that the leaderboards don’t measure.

I need to think of food this way, too. I think dairy makes me break out. Sugar turns me into a monster. Ordering a Yumm bowl a few times a week is just lazy. Do I want to be this way? No. So I need to be mindful of the choices I make and what behaviors and side effects they will cause. I need to be accountable for how I act and how I present myself to the world. Food is a big part of that. Food is just the first step. Time to reset, yet again.

Then We Came to the End

Yesterday I attended the Whole 9 Foundations workshop. I learned all sorts of good stuff. I finally learned why grains are bad (they contain phytic acid, which prevents minerals from other foods from absorbing into your body, right?) I learned that milk is the ideal food for a rapidly growing baby mammal (good thing I don't drink a lot of milk). I also learned that I will do the Whole 30 differently when I do it again in January.


I may have a tendency to get obsessive about certain things (LOST, baseball, my eyebrows). So when I'm part of a very strict program where I have to think about what I'm eating ALL THE TIME, I may get a little, uh, obsessive. Or paranoid. Or resentful of people enjoying food I can't eat. Or all of the above.


I have not eaten a lot of processed foods in the last month. I've pretty much only eaten what I've bought (I can't trust anyone!). So when my travelling companion, who is like the most awesome person ever, offered me plantain chips from Trader Joe's and showed me the ingredients, including sunflower oil, which was verified by other people sitting there, I ate some. And I felt bad about it. Then, a couple hours later in the workshop, our fearless leader lumped sunflower oils in with other vegetable oils in the 'avoid' list. OK, it said 'minimal' or something. I get scared. I scribble on the back of some paper, "Did you just sabotage me with the plantain chips?" I worry. Day 27 and I have failed. 


But I didn't fail. We asked at the break. And I think Melissa, who runs the Whole 30, was a little freaked out with our obsessiveness. I'm fine. And so are the people who've had salsa with citric acid. Geez. She doesn't want us to be hermits for a month (like me). Deep breath. I'm fine.


So many people are fine. Seriously, this Whole 30 thing has brought together so many people at our box. I hope to post their awesome stories of success soon, because, unfortunately, I don't know how much I'll have to report about myself. 


Positives:

• OK, I think my skin is a little clearer.
• I was told that I look thinner (although I don't feel thinner)
• I proved to myself that I can make my own food for a month.
• I did not cave and get take out or have a drink.
• I saved money (I'll share more this week)

Not Quite Negatives, but Certainly Not Positive:

• I've seriously sucked at workouts lately. We had one this morning that I should have flown through. I felt really out of shape and irritated with myself.
• I haven't changed certain habits (I'll plow through a bunch of dates in no time)
• I don't really feel any different.

And maybe that's because of a few factors. I didn't eat terrible before. I haven't eaten a lot of processed foods in the past couple years, so I may not need to reset so much. I have been stressed out big time lately. I didn't really follow the guidelines as much as I should have. In that regard, I mean eating pre- and post-WOD and having enough veggies or protein at each meal. I will change a lot of things next time I do Whole 30.


And holy cow, after we hit the road after the workshop yesterday, I felt my blood sugar drop (I realized I hadn't eaten in a while) and I made my wonderful travelling companion pull over so I could eat. We avoided a pretty ugly situation. A lady's gotta eat.


Going Forward, For Us All
There is some fear among the Whole 30ers, who will wake up Wednesday morning free to eat whatever we want. We fear we might fall back into old habits pretty quickly. Here are my thoughts.


We don't always have to say no, but we don't always have to say yes. If you're faced with something that you know has been a food reward in the past, know that you've lived without it for 30 days. You don't have to live without it forever. Why do you want it this time? 


More to come later in the week.

Sit With It

Currently, I'm sitting outside on a lovely Sunday afternoon. It's quiet. My dog is sniffing around the yard. The sun is out. It is, indeed, lovely. Normally, to make it more lovely, I'd have a glass of wine. Or some cheese and crackers. Or something classy (like me :p). But not today. I have water. I know I have food to cook tonight. I'm fine just sitting here, enjoying the day.

A wise woman I work out with did the Whole 30 for three months. She says one of the most significant effects it had on her was denying what she wanted. Most of us just eat what we want. We understand that bad choices will effect us later on, but we still eat what we want to eat. We have a bowl of ice cream, or popcorn, or protein shakes, or a glass of wine. But we don't need them.

I think a lot of Americans still have the kid mentality "I want, I want, I want" and then they get it. They have a hard day at work and think, 'A big plate of pasta would make me feel better.' It doesn't. Not really. 'Maybe this sugary coffee drink would do the trick.' No, not really. The problems will still be there.

The Whole 30 makes you sit with it. There have been a few times this week when I have felt stressed or sad or lonely and I wanted to eat or drink something, but I haven't. I would sit with it. And it's not easy to really feel those feelings.

I also had a couple times last week where I did eat when I wasn't hungry anymore. I was eating healthy, but I wanted to keep eating. The difference was that I knew what I was doing. I was hyper-aware of it. I'm hoping this will fade (the eating, not the awareness).

I was asked in a meeting today, by people who are older than me, how I'm so calm and collected and grown up at 33.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

(Um, I had to?) So obviously these people don't know me that well. But I felt I could connect it with this because I'm not (always) quick to react emotionally. I'm learning to think about it. Process it. Then react.

Food is something that can buffer all of that. It takes us out of the emotion just for a while. It helps us feel something else. It prevents us from processing what we need to process.

We're all doing this for different reasons. I realized yesterday that at the end of the 30 days, I'll be in my purest form. I won't have any alcohol, sugar, or junk. I also haven't been on any medication for a while. Who you see in a few weeks is who I really am. I don't want to make more out of this than it is, but I'm kind of excited to see who we all are in a few weeks.

The Whole 30

I've heard rumors of a nutrition challenge coming up in our box. Normally, I would not do it. Normally, I eat what I wanna eat. But, I'm going to do this one. Why?


Honestly, I kinda feel like a heifer lately. 


Before you say anything, I know that I'm not a heifer. I know I don't look like a heifer. But I do feel like a heifer. And it's time for me to start making some progress in the box. So, I'm committing myself to the Whole 30.


 


Here's what I like about it:

• It's strict. It's not messing around. I like that. I need that. I'm not a 'moderation' kind of gal.
• It's whole food. Whole food is generally better than processed food.
• Other people will be doing this too.
• I need the discipline.

Here's what I don't like about it:

• There's a huge section on what I can't eat. (Don't tell me what I can't do!!!)
• I can't eat a lot of what I've been eating.
• I can't eat ice cream.

It's been a stressful summer for me. At times, I've been great with my eating. OK, there haven't been too many of these times. I need to lay off the booze for a while. And honestly, I need to challenge myself.


Here's what I'm most interested in finding out:

• Will my skin clear up? I hope so, because it's been a disaster this summer.
• Will I set some strength PRs? I hope so, because it's time.
• Will I break? I never stick to eating plans. Never!!! When I try, it's all I think about until I go to the freezer and get the aforementioned ice cream.

Challenges

• This will start next week. I need to move again in the next few weeks. Moving = stress and trying to find convenient food. Be prepared!!!
• I have like 5 bottles of wine in my fridge. Am I supposed to drink these within the next week? What about all the other crap in my kitchen?
• I will be ornery! Like, super ornery. Deal with it!
• No Luna Protein Bars. Have you had these? They're like candy bars, but better (I think). 
• Seriously, no ice cream?

I may need to think about this again.

Beyond the Competition

• The crowd for the Crossfit Regionals was the fittest crowd I've ever seen. And they came prepared! Yes, the fairgrounds had some food for sale, but they probably didn't need to. The crowd brought coolers full of meat, veggies, fruit, jerky.... No popcorn. No candy. I saw some burgers and corndogs (I may have even eaten a cheeseburger), but this was a healthy crowd. I heard from one woman that the previous weekend in NorCal, the catering company had grilled veggies and turkey burgers ... seems like a great opportunity for some locals to sell their great food!

• Speaking of fairgrounds, the organizers missed some serious funtime opportunities... I know that the athletes had to do all the workouts that everyone else did, but there were so   many rides just sitting there! And a giant slide! Giant Slide! They could have at least opened it up for spectators ... maybe during the breaks?

• There weren't a lot of female individual competitors. I guess that many who qualified competed with a team because they figured they'd have a better chance of making it. But there were plenty of male competitors. Hmmm...I wonder if this has anything to do with mindset and proving something to yourself instead of doing it for a team and not getting all the glory. I may be overthinking this.

• The music was terrible! I expected the typical 'daddy-didn't-love-me' death metal'. They actually played Miley Cyrus "Party in the USA" during the last women's WOD. Seriously. Who decides that?

• I wonder if a totally average woman who never even went to a gym regularly until she was 27 could actually make it to the Regionals/Games. If she like, trained really hard for a year and didn't eat cake. Or minimal cake. So many of the athletes have a competitive background ... could someone fairly normal handle the pressure? Hmmm...

• A whole weekend of sitting ... not awesome. But I did manage to do some double unders.

Only 42 in a row - a bad showing. But I was in jeans!

               
*As an aside, there was lots of Reebok there. Interesting. Josh Everett posted this free article this weekend on the Crossfit Journal about the partnership with Reebok. I may have more thoughts on this soon.

The Problem with Paleo

1. It's time-consuming
2. It's exhausting
3. For some of us, we tend to think about the things we can't have rather than the things we can have.


I usually write about #3. Today I'm going to talk about the first two. And I'm going to preface this by saying that I don't even have kids and I can't imagine where all of you amazing women get your energy to get through your day. Seriously. I'm just a girl in the world trying to make the right decisions for me (and any future kids I may have). And I even have someone making me dinner most days, so I really don't have a place to complain.


Many societies value food and sharing time with people while preparing and eating food. Ours does not. Many people still go with the 'Eat as much as you can as fast as you can so you can watch more TV/go to the monster truck rally/shop at Wal-Mart.' As food production has progressed (that's so not the right word), we have meals in a box/on a tray/in a can that we can just zap and be done with it. 


When did we get so busy? Do we have to be this busy? When did preparing food become such a hassle that nobody has time for? 


The reason that paleo, or any other eating plan where you actually have to think about what you're putting in your body, will take a long time to catch on is that preparing food is not a priority. Filling up is a priority. Tonight I got home from my softball game. I hardly even did anything in the game, or all day for that matter (besides run 3 miles and clean the house like crazy), but I was exhausted leaving the game. But I knew we didn't have enough food in the house to make the right decisions. So we run to the store first and pick up a rotisserie chicken, some fruit, bacon, eggs, etc. Then we get home. So tired. I have to talk myself into a simple task like hardboiling the eggs so I can take them to work as snacks. The 9-5 thing - uy - you have to go in prepared to eat healthy or you're fighting a losing battle. So I put the eggs on, I do the dishes, I grind the coffee, I fill the dog's water bowl, I should be ready to go tomorrow morning. But I don't do this every Sunday. If I'm going to do it right, I have to prepare. I can't let work stress be my downfall into eating more chocolate. I can't let myself get so hungry in the morning that I go to the store at noon and get a coconut macaroon (not like that happened on Friday). 


The irony is that eating better food is supposed to give you more energy. I think today's one of those rare days where I didn't eat enough food, but maybe that's what I'll keep track of this week - my energy level. I should be all set for the next few days, so I'll see if I still have energy on Wednesday to stick to the plan and get things ready the night before.


I can learn to love cooking. I can love to learn to eat healthy. Because you know what's really great - fitting into a size 4*. That's pretty freakin' great.


*This has only worked with the pants at the J Crew outlet, but I'm sure other brands in that size will fit me soon.

Clean

Last week, we had to do a lot of cleans. A clean would look familiar if you watch a lot of Olympic weight lifting, but not so much if you're like me. It's a move that's more complicated than it needs to be. We can practice it over and over and over again, but it's something that needs to click in your head before you can do it right. It's not curling a weight up to your chest; it's getting under that weight.


The first time we did this last week, we did 5-4-3-2-1 reps. So we start out fairly heavy and try to work up to our heaviest weight. I was doing all right until I tried to lift 85 lbs. for my max. I knew I was trying to lift 85 lbs. and I had never cleaned that much. I still haven't cleaned that much. Sometimes I wish someone else would put the weight on so I wouldn't know how much I was trying to lift. So I took 5 lbs. off and felt OK with my 80 lb. max.


Then we had another round and once again, I tried to clean 80 lbs. I was getting tired and really, I was just ready to go. I was thinking about lifting it and not thinking about getting under it. I was getting pretty frustrated. Then lovely Emilee came in and reminded me of the basics. Lift it up until the mid-thigh, then get under it. And I did.


We also did cleans during another workout, but they were actually the easier part of that one. The next one we had to do cleans, burpees, and running. That one was fairly miserable, but the cleans again were the easier part.


I write all this realizing that my vocabulary has changed. Who cares about cleans? Why am I talking about them? It's a move that looks easy but is massively complicated. Most of us probably do it wrong. But we keep trying. We keep getting stronger. We talk about cleans and burpees and snatches (heh) and we may sweat and swear and get angry at ourselves during the workout, but we do it. We show up and we do the work. That's what matters.


And I need to clean the house. I'm having awesome, amazing Crossfit women over for food in a couple days. Must get things clean.

Processes

Earlier today I posted on Facebook that I hadn't eaten anything out of a can or box in a long time. A lot of people like this (or they have clicked the 'like' option). It's been much easier than I thought it would be. I don't eat cereal anymore. I don't eat Kashi bars - I even tried one in September and really didn't like it. I don't eat canned soups. I certainly don't eat frozen lunches anymore. It takes more time, yes, but I also feel a hell of a lot better than I did before. Is it more expensive? Probably, but I'm also saving money by not buying cereal or Kashi bars. This is going in a different direction, but it's been on my mind for a long time. So many products are advertised as time saving - food, workouts, news, you name it. You don't have enough time for anything, so let's do what you need to do in as little time as possible. Seriously? How did we get here - and does anyone really want to be here? When you get to the point where you don't have time to take care of yourself, isn't it time to take inventory of your life? Shouldn't you actually take the time to do certain things - like prepare and eat your food or exercise? I know I get busy sometimes. I work two jobs - by choice - and things get piled up. Maybe it's about enjoying the things you need to do. Is eating something that you do mindlessly, or do you enjoy your food? (In Europe, they actually take time to sit and eat - it's nice!) I like going to Crossfit. There are bad days, but for the most part I like going. Maybe that's what people need - to like the things that matter.