Recovery/Reflection

Nostalgia has gotten the best of me many times in my life. Even though I've tried to approach events with a better perspective lately, it still comes in and often leaves me wistful. I know I should live in the moment. I know this.

Epic Relay was a couple weeks ago. Last year, I had so much fun. I couldn't wait for it this year. And it was fun this year...just different. I didn't feel that same excitement that I did after the race last year. And it made me realize that I can't keep trying to recreate things the way they were so I can feel the same way. I just need to look at them for what they are and find joy in the moment.

I did have fun. The running hurt. I was in much better running shape last year. My calf tensed up a lot. It was hot...again. But I got craftier and made some stuff to add some sparkle to the race.

My new motto. Stolen from Carleen Lessard, who apparently stole it from Shit Yogis Say.

And I got to hang out with these people. Really, they're some of the best people.

Anyway, I felt all sorts of physically terrible after the race. My calf really felt like a rock. I took some Epsom salt baths, and rolled out, and rested. Now it's fine. My shoulder actually hurt too, but that's an ongoing issue. I finally got a massage on Sunday, and although I need that all the time, I feel like it made a world of difference. I get lazy about recovery. I'll try to let things heal themselves, or go in with the mindset that if I ignore it, it will go away. It doesn't. Recovery is good and necessary and I only have this one body to take care of. It's up to me.

This month marks my 4 year CrossFit anniversary. It feels funny to reflect, since the first 2 years were so vastly different than the last 2, both personally and physically. I was a completely different person when I started. My progress was slow the first two years, which I feel was a combination of well, me, and the environment the gym was. There weren't a lot of people really trying to get better at a lot of things. The coaching has improved so much too.

2 years ago, I was at a very big turning point in my life. I made some really, really difficult decisions. My life became a lot more challenging. But, it was all for the better. I'm more confident in myself and in my writing. I'm learning to trust myself. And I'm almost 100% sure that I'm OK on my own (not that I want to be forever.) I also became slightly obsessed with CrossFit during that time (substitute one thing for another, I guess). And then I got way too into it and I got completely burnt out. So the past 6 months or so, I've just been trying to have fun with it. And it's getting better.

Also, lately I've felt like I want to do new things. I'll always have CrossFit, but there's so much more. So if there's a new trail or a new beach or a new activity, I'm in. Why not?

I'm not sure where I'll be in the next 2 years. Sometimes, life changes so quickly. If you had met me 4 years ago, you wouldn't even know it was me. I guess I just keep getting better. And I'm sticking to that plan.

Just Go

A friend recently sent me a message after seeing one of my pictures saying that I looked happier, more natural. True, my life has seen a lot of change lately, mostly for the better. New people, new places. I try to be cautious, although maybe it's not always for the best. Anyway...

I spent last weekend up at the North West Regional, working for the Media team. It was an exhausting, but fun weekend. And as much as I feel like I sometimes get burnt out on CrossFit this past year, I felt re-energized coming back. I worked out more than normal last week. I tried to work more with my right arm, since I'm tired of it not working. It'll all come back. I know I've gotten stronger in recent months, but I need to work on getting faster.

I've had a lot of trouble running lately. I just don't find any joy in it. I want to like it. I want to like it SO MUCH!  But it just doesn't do it for me. This has been frustrating me since Epic Relay is coming up and I will run and ideally, I'll run better than I did last year. I have a lot of motivation to do better right now. Not only is the relay coming up, but I have gained a little weight and I need to get it back off (I know 99% of that is eating. I know.) I did fine running Bark in the Park a few weeks ago, but that was a race. On my own, I just give up. And with a friend, we just end up talking.

So this morning I got up and just started running. I just ran around my new neighborhood. My goals are low these days - no matter how far I'm going, just keep going. That's been the problem lately. I just stop. But I thought about one of my most favorite athletes competing last weekend. When I talked to her after she won Event 4, she said all that was running through her mind was "Just Go." So that's what I did today. It felt like I ran 10 miles, even though it was under three. It felt like I was sprinting, although my pace was slower than usual. But I ran. No walking today. Just go.

And as much as things have been better lately, and I've been happier overall, maybe it burns even harder when things go wrong. Yesterday, I had a terrible afternoon. Really, really bad. And it got much worse when I couldn't find something that's irreplaceable to me. It's the most valuable thing I own and I can't find it. I started hyperventilating yesterday looking for it...my notebook I carry with me all the time, with so many of my ideas and so many of my very personal thoughts.

Deep breath. I'll find it. I will find it. Prioritize. Cover the bases. Make it happen. Don't make all the good disappear just because of one afternoon. Be grateful for what I have - my friends, my family, my health, my talent - and just breathe.

Keep Moving Forward

Yesterday, I spent my morning helping out with the Eugene Marathon. We set up a cheering section behind ECF and watched the very first to the very last runner pass by our station. We were set up just before Mile 19. I can't even fathom getting to Mile 19 on my feet. It's beyond my realm.

In addition to cheering, I ran with a friend who decided to run her first and only marathon. I ran from mile 19 to 23 with her. I've known her for years; she started CrossFit before me. She is athletic and determined. She's also a wonderful friend. When she arrived at our station, I knew something was wrong. She stopped to stretch for a few seconds. We started our slow jog and she stopped again. Her calves were seizing up. And she still had 7 miles to go. I sensed her frustration and stuck with her as we made our way through these difficult miles. Keep moving forward, I would say. Her time was slower than she wanted, but she finished. She finished a freakin' marathon.

She kept thanking me for being there for her. For me, it wasn't even an option. Of course I was going to run those miles with her. I can't even wrap my mind around finishing a marathon. And my friends have been there for me through the worst. They've seen me at my worst. Whatever I can do is the least I can do.

Our cheering section wrote on the bike path 'One Step At A Time.' As the last marathon runners/walkers made their way through, an old man emphasized and said these words. It's all we can do really. We can have big goals and big dreams, but there's only one way to get there. Keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Reflections on Running

Hello CrossFit blog. It's been a while.

It's been a strange year for me. Still not in love with CrossFit like I used to be. Still getting some PRs (once in a while (like today)), but still hard on myself. Then the whole Boston Marathon bombing got me thinking (and it might take a while, but this will come back to that).

I've been hard on myself because I had great intentions at the beginning of the year. I wanted to get in the best shape of my life. But my mind wouldn't let me. I had to spiral a little more before I could get on the right path. As far as CrossFit goes, I try to remind myself that it's just exercise. No need to get upset about anything. (I know some of you might be able to identify with that) 

So now I'm hard on myself because I'm a little thicker than usual (I tried telling myself that the weight was muscle. It's not all muscle.) And it's frustrating when it happens because I know what work I have to do to lose the weight.

I have the tools. I know what I should eat. I know what I shouldn't drink. I know the habits that bring out the worst in me. I know I should run (Epic Relay is in 2 months). I know that the gym is there for exercise, but for many of us, it's so much more. It's seeing people I care about. It's getting a hug just for being there. It's sharing in the joy of our accomplishments. It's a lot.

I still don't like running. I know I have to run in the next couple months for various reasons. Train for Epic. Lose the weight. But my real motivation should be that I know it makes me feel better. I know this. I just don't enjoy the physical activity of running. But I know the rewards.

When I moved to Eugene, nearly 6 years ago, I decided to start running (I had never run before. Ever. Not even a little). I heard it was track town, so I was like, hey, what the heck? I did the couch to 5K plan. Did some 5ks here and there. Just tried to be more active than I was.

Then I started CrossFit. My running got better. A 10 minute mile wasn't good enough anymore. I started doing 10Ks, which I really liked. I even did a half marathon, which was the worst I've ever felt. So I reached my limit. But I kept running because it did make me feel better. And I met some awesome other runners. And I PRed on my 5K last year. And I did Epic Relay, which is one of the most fun 30ish hours I've had. Running is such a solo activity, yet so many people are there to support you. It's a time to think about life, push yourself to do better, and maybe be your best person.

When I heard the news out of Boston today, I kept thinking of the runners who put so much time into training and then running in the Boston Marathon - that's the best! And to have to readjust and finish after that happened. I can't imagine.

I've been bitching a lot the past few weeks because I know I've gained weight and I know I have to start running. Seeing what happened today, no more bitching. I can do better. And I can get back to my old PR-ing self.

So right now, I'm trying to remember these things. It's important to remember that we are given this one body and one mind and it's up to us to take care of them. And when you can't convince yourself that you're worth caring for, we need to remember that someone loves us, even if it doesn't always feel like it.

I see a lot of inspirational quotes and words of wisdom every day. But for me, what I really need to remember is that I'm lucky to be here and I'm lucky to be as healthy as I am, despite my bizarre inexplicable injuries and my wild mood swings. The rest - the PRs, the joy - that's all just extra.

Regression (But not for long)

We work so hard to make gains in Crossfit (and in life), and it is so, so easy to lose them. I'm currently in the midst of 3 weeks away from Oregon. 3 weeks away from my normal routine. This is not good for me.

For the first week, I worked in Detroit. This was an amazing and exhausting experience. I did get a chance to work out at a CrossFit that is just opening up - CrossFit Benchmark Workouts - and they are fantastic. I really think they'll make a difference in their neighborhood, and hopefully, the city. The coach knew I was visiting, and welcomed me with a hug. I totally felt like I was home.

Aside from that, I didn't exercise much in the Motor City. I walked a lot - in my boots. But that was about it. I was hoping to make it back to Crossfit, but they have limited hours and I had many appointments. 

From there it was on to Chicago for a completely low-key weekend, which was what I needed. I talked to so many people and learned so much in Detroit. I really felt like I needed a break. I spent time with one of my oldest friends. We talked, went to the movies, played games - it was a good weekend.

Last Sunday, I made it back to Kalamazoo. I hadn't seen my family in a year, so I was looking forward to 10 days with them. Monday morning, I knew I needed to do something physical, so I bundled up and went for a "run" through downtown. I hesitate to call it a run, but I did move as quickly as I could. My heart was beating. I was breathing hard. I needed this.

I made some observations and thought a lot on that run. Smoking is much more prevalent here than it is in the northwest. I noticed a lot more smoking - in Detroit, in Chicago, and in southwest Michigan - than I do in Oregon. We have the same laws - no smoking indoors - but there are a hell of a lot more people smoking outside here. AND IT'S COLD!!! 

Also, exercise is not part of the lifestyle here. Some people do, but a lot more people in the northwest get outside and run or ride their bikes or walk or ANYTHING. I don't see that as much here.

And the third observation, which became very apparent that evening, is the overabundance of carbs. I don't know what got into me, but I ate more cereal and crackers in the first 24 hours at my sister's than I have eaten in the past year. And once I started, I couldn't stop. And I knew what I was doing when I was eating them. They're empty calories. I'm still hungry when I'm done. There's no point in eating them.

But what else is there to do?

And then we made the cookies, and we all know how that story ends.

Anyway, I've felt myself regressing all week. I feel enormous (I know I'm not enormous, but I feel that way).  And this isn't just a physical thing. Yes, I can feel the few pounds I've gained. I can also see my skin reacting. I can also feel the depression setting in. I know how this goes.

So yesterday, the sun came out for a while. It was very, very cold, but very bright. So I took the dog for a walk, then I ran around the block. It was less than a mile, but I ran fast and once again, I felt my heart beating. I breathed hard. I felt more alive. I did the same this morning, but walked and ran a little further. I don't like it, but I know I need it. (I've always meant to check out the Crossfits in Kzoo, but I never quite make it)

And today I managed to avoid eating cookies until 2pm, which is a vast improvement over the past few days. I've also started taking Vitamin D, which I've been told for years to take, but never have. We'll see if that helps.

I fly back to Oregon on Thursday and get back to Eugene on Friday. When I get back, I will work out - a lot. I know how it helps physically (and I need a lot of help in that area), but I also know how it makes me feel. And I need to feel better. I know how to do it. It just takes work.

SO...I'm putting a stop to my regression. I know how I can act. I know how people see me. But that doesn't mean that's how I have to act. It just takes work.

So hard....for so many reasons...during the holidays. Time to work on feeling as happy as I look here: 

A Most Epic Adventure

If you've read any of this, you know I don't like running. Which is why it made perfect sense for me to sign up for the Epic Relay, a 2-day, 187 mile relay from Portland to Eugene. Why not? The big sell was hanging out with this group for 2 days.

And it was all totally worth it. This isn't even the whole team. Witness the Fitness is a team of 12, with these pretty ladies in vehicle one.

We'd see them about every six hours or so, when our team or their team was finished with their legs and it was time for the next team to start. But I'm getting ahead of myself.


I didn't train for the Epic Relay. One day I ran 2 6Ks, but that doesn't really do training justice. When you have 3 legs over 24 hours, and at varying times of day with no sleep and little food, well, you just do the best you can. I figured the hardest one would be the last leg for me. And it was. But again, I'm getting ahead of myself.


Our vehicle left Friday morning and got to our first exchange in St. Paul pretty early, allowing ourselves time for stretching, eating, and photo ops. And trust me, this has been very difficult figuring out which pictures to post, since I don't want to make anyone feel like an idiot. We have a lot of ridiculous pictures. I chose the ones that make me look like an idiot the most. Anyway, my good friend Heather made me a tank top with our team name. She didn't have a lot of experience making shirts, so, well, I did wear it once.

Here I am modeling my new shirt and being super creepy with two of my favorite people. There are other pictures, but I will use some judgment. 


Then van one showed up and we had to pack up and go so we could meet Sam at the next exchange. This is what happens at an exchange.

And it kind of hit me at this time that we were in the middle of something pretty spectacular. During every second of this relay, we had a runner on the road running (or walking) ...during the whole 187 miles. Someone would wear that orange bracelet and run. And we would do this until we ended up in Eugene. It all became that much more epic when I started thinking about it that way.


I was the 11th runner, which meant I didn't actually run until 4pm on day one. That's a lot of waiting. This is how we wait.

Because we're bad ass. Anyway, I kept putting sunblock on throughout the day because damn, it was getting hot and I'm all Scandinavian. I think I put 4 layers of sunblock on before my run. And then FINALLY I headed out for my 4.72 mile run in the beautiful Oregon countryside, full of fields and ....fields. And running on asphalt. Holy hell it was hot. I started feeling not-so-great right away. 4.72 miles shouldn't be a big deal for me, but I started feeling all tingly and numb like the last time I did Murph. I had one moment where someone or something was watching out for me. At the One Mile to Go sign, there was just a sliver of shade .... and the fields were being watered. So I stood there waiting for the sprinklers. Thank God. I made it back and refueled with Gatorade and water. Not a great showing for my first time out.


After our last runner made it back, we grabbed some food at Safeway and made our way to Scio High School, where we were able to take a shower (with strangers!) and sleep in a field. Awesome! But it was like 8pm, so I wasn't tired. Neither were some of my other teammates, so we talked and laughed and hung out until 11pm ... the night shift! We met vehicle one and started the long evening runs. 


For the late night running, each runner had to wear a headlamp and reflective vest. Our van followed each runner closely so we wouldn't lose them or you know, if a bear or a snake attacked we would be right there. The moon wasn't big but there were plenty of stars. I loved watching the runners in the dark with their various reflectiveness. I ran nearly 6 miles down Highway 34 at 3am. It was awesome. I ran the whole way. I did have to kick some broken glass out of the way here and there, but other than that, it was by far my best run. 


We made it into Corvallis, exchanged with van one, then drove to Harrisburg, where we promptly crashed in our sleeping bags in front of the high school at dawn. This was the only time I slept during the relay. I think I got a full 2 hours in. Then I kind of woke up, then SOMEONE started talking and I snapped, then drifted off again. I was actually pretty good for being so angry. After the rest of the vehicle woke up, we stretched, ate, and got ready for the third and final leg of the journey.


And it was another hot one. I spent a lot of the day doing this:

I also, uh, supported (?) my teammates the best I could. We didn't have ideal running conditions. We also didn't get much sleep. We didn't have a lot of shade. The sun was right overhead and showed no mercy. I thought my flashy pants would help. I knew it would be hot. I had five miles from Coburg into Eugene. It was an excruciating battle for me. It was SO HOT. I ran the first mile and a half. Then I walked. And ran. And walked. Ugh. It was ugly. I was in a vile mood. My team did their best to support me, but I was in a mood. Hungry, thirsty, tired, hot...but I finished. Then we were a little creative with the last leg....


And then we finished the whole damn thing! 187 miles. 12 people. Flashy pants. Awkward moments. Port-a-potties. New friends. Cougar sightings. And beer at the end. Good times.


And that, my friends, was the Epic Relay. I will do better next year. Witness the Fitness will return and we will be even more Epic. The other teams can eat a bag of dicks.

We'll be even more ready next year, Epic Relay!

This is Where I Try Not to Tell People How to Run Their Lives

I did not intend for this blog post to be about nutrition. This blog post was supposed to be a testament to CrossFit, and to how I manage not to run for 2 months, and I can go out and run 6 miles with no problems. I hate running but somehow, I manage to get through it. CrossFit is the reason for that. But this post isn't about that.


I try not to tell people how to run their lives. I'm not the best person to do that. BUT when I hear someone tell a group of people misleading information about nutrition - and not just people, but athletes - I have to speak up.


So I did this really great run this morning out at a winery. It's a run for women. We go out for an hour and run, then come back and have mimosas and waffles. Nice. They had a speaker from a popular fitness place in Eugene to talk about nutrition. She answered a few questions and I had to start writing down what she was saying. It was the complete opposite of what I heard at the Whole 30 seminar last week.


Q: What's a good recovery meal?
A: Grilled PB&J with chocolate chips
Q: What's a good snack?
A: String cheese
Q: What's a good pre-run snack?
A: Juice/bananas/yogurt


Other foods she recommended: 
Pancakes with cottage cheese
Tortillas with Peanut Butter
English Muffin with Jam
Oatmeal


My awesome friend wanted to ask her about paleo, but I said no, wait. I want to see if she mentions vegetables. And finally FINALLY she said something about carbs coming in the form of fruits and vegetables. 


Look, I tried to be polite (not mean). I may have rolled my eyes. I may have gasped. As one friend said, I looked like I was twitching. I waited until she was wrapping up, and I raised my hand (see, polite), and said, "If you want to eat bagels and oatmeal and cereal, that's fine. But you can get your carbs from veggies and you should get them from veggies."


This is what I wanted to say:

FDA Official: "Just Eat A Goddamn Vegetable"


But I was polite. I want that to be noted. Me. Polite. Nice. 


We also got free 2 week passes to this popular fitness place. Anyone up for getting kicked out of a gym?

Guilt

Crossfit has brought out a side of me I hadn't seen in a while. Today was the 2nd Annual 5K Love

Which was organized like a pro by my buddy Emilee. This year there was a 10K option. Great! You know what? I haven't been running a lot lately. And honestly, full disclosure, big surprise here...


I hate running.


There's nothing I like about it. I don't like how it feels. My knee gets all weird. I'm breathing heavy. No matter how much I strap stuff down, there's still stuff bouncing. Like, I hear people talk about this mystery 'runner's high.' I have no idea. I've never come close.


So I sign up for the 5K. And what kind of response do I get? "What? You're only doing the 5K?" "Come on, you can do the 10K." Jerks.


So I run the 10K. And I'm running with Rachel who I know can run much faster than me. But she keeps me company. And I'm thinking, 'I worked out a lot this week. Maybe I should take it easy. Is that my knee feeling weird again? Was that really just the first mile? Why did the first mile take so long?"


And it's not just running. There are stations along the way for burpees and lunges and squats and push-ups and broad jumps. I do them. Last year I didn't. This year I did. I'm a good sport.


So we get to the turnaround point. I'm having serious, serious doubts about running another 3 miles. It really doesn't sound good. But something in my head is telling me that I have a green tag on and it says 10K and I should quit complaining and just do it. Fine. And honestly, the second 3 were much more pleasant than the first. Then there's more squats! What??? More squats? No! I thought I was done with the stations. So I politely decline and keep running. And I think about those squats. 


And then the guilt sets in.


And Rachel and I slow down. And we do our stupid squats. And we do the next station, and the next.


Why do you do this Crossfit? Why do you make me feel this way?


We finished in 61:28, which was actually faster than I thought. I pushed through. I always do. 


I have this voice in my head that shows up early in a workout and tells me I can't finish. It's always there, no matter what. And I'm sure it will always be there. I've learned to live with it, accept what it has to say, and ignore it.

For Sofia

If you read this blog regularly, I'm going to ask that you do something, just one thing, that would mean so much to me. For the second year in a row, my friend and I are raising money for Greenhill Humane Society, a no-kill shelter that does wonderful work in the Eugene community. Last year our team, Tiger Twins fo' Paws (don't ask), raised over $500 in just over a week. We're starting early this year and hoping to raise at least twice as much. If you can, please donate here. We'll be running in Bark in the Park on May 15. It's a really fun 5k with so many people with their awesome dogs.


This is my beautiful girl, Sofia.

I adopted her nearly 7 years ago from a shelter in Kalamazoo. She was scared and severely underweight. It took some time, but with love and trust, she's become my best buddy. She's been with me through a lot. I know so many others have had richer lives because of the animals they've adopted through shelters.


Please give if you can!

The Only Thing Worth Mentioning

I ran 6 miles yesterday in 56 minutes. This is very, very good for me. It is also the longest distance I've run since September. My knee feels it today.


This sums up my current state of mind. My brain hurts. Enjoy.

Finally - A Goal Realized

I don't like running. I think running is a good way to measure how much I've improved fitness-wise. I've been doing a lot of running this past year, just to see what I can do. I finished a half-marathon on my feet. I didn't run a lot of it, but I finished. I've done a lot of 3-5 mile runs. It's not a problem anymore. But I really haven't seen a lot of improvements in my times since I got 29 minutes a year ago in a 5K. But finally, FINALLY, I beat that time this Friday.


I woke up that morning and thought that I needed to do a longer run before my 4 mile race today, and that I needed to finally beat that 29 minutes. I went to Crossfit Friday afternoon, got out of my car, hit start on my watch, and started running. No ipod. No partner. Just me and that clock. A minute improvement would have been fine. But I didn't beat it by a minute. I beat it by TWO!!! 26:50! That's huge!!! That's an 8:36/mile pace! Me! When I started Crossfit, my first 5K time was in the 33 minute range. I'm getting faster!! Woo-hooooo!!!


So today was the Truffle Shuffle, a benefit for Committed Partners for Youth. A lot of people come out for this race; it's a pretty great event. It's a 4 mile run. Last year when I did it, it was the longest I had ever run, and I did it in 39:28. I was pretty happy that I did it in just under a 10 minute mile. Today I ran it in 36:48. That's a 9:01 minute mile (my Garmin said I ran 4.08 miles). I really felt like walking during mile 2 - I had a terrible stitch in my side. But I kept moving. Something about numbers keeps me moving. I want to get a smaller number than the one before. So I keep moving.


Now I'm pretty worn out. I'm not even going into Crossfit tomorrow, and I always go in on Mondays. (OK, maybe I know what's coming on Tuesday). But I will take a much needed rest day, then this weekend I'll try to run a 6K in under an hour. No problem.

The Next Round of Goals

When I started Crossfit, I wrote down a few goals that I've managed to reach this year. One was running a 10K - I actually ran a Half-Marathon. I'm going to run another this year (http://www.eugenemarathon.com/) so I can get a better time. Do I like running? No. Do I see it as a challenge? Definitely! My half-marathon was physically the most difficult thing I've ever done, but I know I can do better.


I also got my first RX pull-up this year. I tried doing my first WOD with RX pull-ups - Baseline - but that didn't go so well. But that's the thing with Crossfit; it will come up again and I'll do better. There's always another opportunity for improvement.


So here are my new sets of goals. They shouldn't coincide with new year's resolutions - it's just taken me a while to get these down. I'll totally achieve these by June.

Finish Half-Marathon in under 2:20

RX Fran

Do a handstand push-up

Go Paleo for a full month - no cheating

RX Cindy

RX Fight Gone Bad

I may not get the best times, but whatever I get is better than before. I can't stress enough how I was never an athlete before any of this and I still have a hard time calling myself that. But if I can reach these goals, I'll feel a little better about it.

Random Thoughts

• Pull-ups are hard.
• Finally got new shoes - Nike Frees. Now I'll RX everything!
• I can usually tune out the terrible music played at Crossfit, but when an awful cover band does Depeche Mode, I have to say something, even if it's in the middle of a WOD.
• Are there any Depeche Mode songs that would be good for Crossfit? I tried to figure that out last night. I'm still not convinced, but if there were they would come off either Ultra or Songs of Faith and Devotion. (I'm pretty sure David Gahan wasn't in a good place when they made those albums.)
• TV has been abysmal since LOST ended.
• Sometimes I watch The Biggest Loser. I know, I can watch commercials anytime, but I still tune into this show anyway. I guess now when they get down to the final four they have them run a Biggest Loser marathon. I'm not sure this is sending the right message. These people were like 400 pounds 4 months ago. I just don't think a marathon is a realistic goal for someone who is 400 pounds right now (sitting on their couch) and wants to do this in 6 months. Sure, it's an accomplishment, but a marathon is really, really hard*.
• So are pull-ups.
• I'm pretty sure Crossfit is a front for the Fish Oil industry.

*I'm going to sign up for the Eugene Half Marathon in May. I can get a much better time the second time around, especially with my new kicks!

Murph

Most Crossfit workouts take 10-25 minutes. You work really, really hard for a short amount of time and then you're done. What gets me through most workouts is knowing that it will be over soon. So why is my favorite Crossfit workout the one that can take almost an hour?

Murph is a hero workout named after "Navy Lieutenant Michael Murphy, 29, of Patchogue, N.Y., who was killed in Afghanistan June 28th, 2005. This workout was one of Mike's favorites and he'd named it "Body Armor". From here on it will be referred to as "Murph" in honor of the focused warrior and great American who wanted nothing more in life than to serve this great country and the beautiful people who make it what it is." (Crossfit.com)

Murph:

Run 1 mile

100 pull-ups

200 push-ups

300 squats

Run 1 mile

You can do the pull-ups, push-ups, and squats in any order you want, but you have to do the mile run first and last. To truly RX it, you should wear a 20 pound weight vest.

We did this WOD back in April. It looks pretty impossible when you read it, but you can do it. It's a workout where you have a lot of time to think. You're out there running on your own, then you get back in the box and you have to think about how you can best get all these reps done, and while you do that you think about how much your quads burn and the push-ups hurt, and then you have to go run again. In April, I did the workout with a blue band for pull-ups and knee push-ups. I finished in 50 minutes. That's a long time to be working hard, but I finished. 

I knew this was coming up again this week.I got really excited because it's such a challenge. I was hoping I could do it with real push-ups this time, but I'm just not there yet. 200 is a lot of push-ups to do. I also wanted to use a red band for pull-ups. My pull-ups are getting better and I'm so close to RXing them during a WOD. But not this one. I had a tan band on hand just in case I couldn't handle the red, but I really, really wanted to stick with the red. I was also thinking of trying 10 rounds of 10 pull-ups, 20 push-ups, and 30 squats. This changed at the last minute. 

Wednesday was a very cold night. I was in a 5:30pm class with 6 other women. We were all at different levels. We had to bundle up for the first run, since we weren't quite warm yet. When I got back inside, I decided to do 20 sets of 5-10-15. Although it would take more time to get in and out of the pull-up band, I wasn't too confident with my push-ups. For Murph, you just keep on going. I ran the first mile in 9 minutes and left for my last mile around 34 minutes. That's 25 minutes of pull-ups, push-ups, and squats. That's a lot of time to think about those moves and why you're doing them. But I kept marking my rounds and they kept piling up. After round 13, I decided to try a longer round. That worked that time, but it wasn't going to work the rest of the time. I must work on my push-ups. Also, I didn't stretch out enough beforehand and my quads started burning after a few squats. But I kept on going.

That last run was one of the hardest runs of my life. It had gotten colder and I had been working hard for 35 minutes. My lungs felt like they couldn't handle the work. I was short of breath, but I had to keep going. My body wanted to walk,  but my mind wanted to finish. As I rounded the corner after 800 meters, I looked at the clock and saw that I was still under 40 minutes. I could do this. I could make my goal of 45 minutes. I wanted to walk so badly, my breathing was so strained, but I kept running. It helped to run past the other women who were finishing, knowing that we were all trying to get this thing done and finish. I came in at 44:31. I beat my previous time by 6 minutes using a lighter band. I could hardly breathe at first, but I finished.

Murph is a marathon WOD. You have to battle with yourself to finish. This is what I love about Crossfit. In our regular lives, we make decisions every day and choose our battles. In Crossfit, someone else chooses our battles, but we have to decide how to get them done. It's physical and mental. Finishing is all that matters.

My Hips Don't Lie

This is me finishing the Eugene Women's Half Marathon this morning:

You can't see the finish line, but I crossed it about 20 seconds later. And I was running. I can't say that I was running for much of the last half of the race. I actually felt good up until mile 6. Then it went downhill fast. These are the lessons I've learned:


*Listen to your body. My knee has been bothering me all summer. Stupid knee. It didn't hurt, but it felt uncomfortable and other people could tell that I was favoring my other leg when I was running. If there's something wrong with your knee, there's going to be something wrong with your whole leg in general. I really should have taken care of my knee when it started feeling weird, not just when it was close to go-time. I tend to think things will be fine, even when they're not, but as I've said before, I avoided running for the first 29 years of my life. Then I gave it up for a while again. It really wasn't until this year that I decided to get better. I'm learning.


OK, that was really the only lesson learned. Around mile 6, I started to feel like my hips were completely displaced from my body. It's not a great feeling (and I feel so dumb saying this, as I've never given birth). But I knew I had to finish the race. At mile 7, I started walking a little. Then I realized that running felt better than walking. But when I started running again, I don't know, it just didn't feel right. No matter how many times I played Ke$ha on repeat, I couldn't talk myself into running more. It was really frustrating - and lonely. In those first 8 miles, there were people all over the place cheering us on. Then - no one. I was just watching people pass me. I'd run a little, then walk more. I finished running. I wanted to run the entire last mile, but it just wasn't in me. Every time I ran, everything felt more and more disjointed. Maybe I just need to get used to feeling more uncomfortable. Anyway, I looked at my Garmin and I knew the end was near. I ran the last quarter mile. It was pretty cool finishing, but it was tough. I wanted to quit a million times during that race. But I didn't. I kept going and I finished.


I'm not a runner. I don't even like running. But a year ago, this half marathon would have been out of the question. Now I know that if I get an idea that seems near-impossible, I can do it. It might be uncomfortable. It might hurt. It might not turn out the way I want it to. But I will have supportive people cheering me on and I will finish. Sometimes that's enough.


But I can tell you for sure that 26.2 miles isn't anywhere in my near future.

Born to Run

In this lovely read, Christopher McDougall tells us about a tribe of long distance runners in Mexico and the 'tribe' or ultra-marathon runners in the US. I don't understand the drive behind running 50 miles in one day, or 100 miles in one day (at 10,000 ft. altitude). But McDougall also writes about human physiology and how we were born to run, especially long distances. We had to run in order to hunt. But humans also were born to create efficiencies, which ultimately led to the automobile and we lost the need to run. Now people do it for fun. People might look at me and say I'm doing it for fun. I'm not. I'm not quite sure why I'm doing it yet, but I'm trying. I don't have to run - I can certainly hunt down my food at Market of Choice and I can get there by car. And yet I started running at 7am this morning and I ran nearly 9 miles, while my knee felt like it was going to give under me. Why am I doing this?


McDougall also writes about all the issues that I've been hearing for the past year: barefoot running is better, don't strike with your heel, Nike is bad. I know all these things. I practice all these things. I think about them when I'm running. And then, someone takes a picture of me running, and what am I doing: 

What you see here is a heel strike and my arms swinging in front of me. Both of these movements are working against me. This was taken at the end of the Skandia 10K Run last weekend. I did not finish under an hour like I had planned, but I was close. The half-marathon is two weeks away. I know I'm ready, despite the uneasiness in my knee today. I also know I'll be happy when I finish.


To be critical of the book, I thought the narrative was a bit sporadic. I know everything doesn't have to be linear, but it seemed like he kept bringing something up, going into a very long story, then finally getting around to what he had originally brought up. It was a little confusing at times. And I'm not sure why certain people were featured when they didn't even run in the race that was the centerpiece of the book. I guess on the outdoors-writing front, I usually read Jon Krakauer, who is an amazing storyteller. I like this book for what it says, I just wish he had said it a little better.

Faith

They say that if you do Crossfit, you should be able to do anything, like run a marathon. Crossfit will make you a well-rounded athlete and damn it, you can do anything if you just do your Crossfit! Go run a marathon on Tuesday if you want - you've done Helen before! Well, I'm not quite ready for a marathon yet, but if you remember a few months ago I signed up for a half-marathon. This is coming up in a few weeks. Most people train for something like this. I've been doing Crossfit. Most people run various distances multiple times a week. I do pull-ups. I also do running drills. But before yesterday, I had never run more than 4 miles at a time.


So Saturday morning, I ran a 5K - 5KLove. It was a lovely event and actually, it was a little more than a 5K - 3.31 miles according to my Garmin. I ran it at a 9:23 pace, which is a good pace for me. Could I have run it a little faster? Maybe. But there will always be another 5K.


Sunday morning was a preview run for the Eugene Women's Half Marathon. It was advertised as an 8 mile preview run of the course. This was a test of my dedication. I couldn't sleep in. I had run the day before. But I knew I had to do this. So I showed up on Sunday morning with the number 8 in my mind and the promise of a mimosa at the finish. The organizer then said it was really a 7.15 mile run and then gave us a map. He explained the map and said he didn't want anyone to get lost. No problem!


So we start running and it's along the bike path and I'm following a couple women who walked every once in a while, then would run a slightly faster pace then me. After the 4.5 mile mark, I decided to walk a little too. Then we weren't seeing the other runners so much. I just kept following, keeping up enough so I could see them. Then another group of women passed me and caught up with the couple ahead of me. Then they all stopped and congregated and looked at the map. Then they looked at me. 'Do you know where we're going?' All I could think was that they better know where they're going because in my head, I'm only running one more mile. But they didn't, and we went out of our way. As we circled back downtown, we ran into other people who followed the right path. I clocked in at 1:24 for 7.86 miles. Not bad for my first long run after a 5K. 


I was surprised how I felt during and after the race. I didn't feel nauseous at all. I'll feel nauseous during a one mile run, but not the 7 mile run. I ate some eggs and grapes beforehand. Not like, together or anything. Anyway... I feel really stupid for saying this, but my feet hurt like hell at the end of the run and I hadn't even considered my feet hurting. My back was feeling pretty bad too. My back was hurting most of the week - I think it was due to all the flying/driving done the weeks before. The run just killed it though. This could lead to a long post about sports bras, but not right now. Too much to say.


I ran a lot this weekend. I know I run more than the average non-runner, but I don't think I run that much. I'm putting a lot of faith in Crossfit and hoping that by going religiously, I'll be able to finish this half marathon in under 2:30. I'm pretty sure I can do that.


What will help me along the way? 

My Garmin, of course! It keeps track of everything! Pace, time, distance, heart rate (if I ever figure that thing out), elevation, laps, whatever! Then I plug it into the computer and it spits out all these numbers. Then I sync it to a website that posts it to facebook to annoy all my friends! How fun! I get really mad when it runs out of batteries or I forget it - what's the point of running if I don't have proof of what i just did? Then I'd never know I ran a 9:23 pace on Saturday and a 10:47 pace on Sunday. Honestly, if I didn't have my Garmin, I wouldn't be running as much as I have been, which isn't much, but I'm hopeful that it's enough.

Hiatus

I'm writing this from the Gerald R. Ford* Airport in Grant Rapids, Michigan. I just got into Michigan and I won't be back until Tuesday. I also just had family visiting in Oregon, which was awesome. This also means I haven't been to Crossfit very much lately. And I've been eating all cruddy. I'm doing the things I need to be doing, but this is one of those times when I really wish there was an extra hour or two in the day. I like routine. I need routine. This is why Crossfit works for me.


I have worked out. Last Friday we went to Crater Lake and hiked down to the lake. It's only a mile, but it's a hell of a mile. When it was time to walk up, my sister knew my nephews would go slow. I said I needed to go fast. I finished about 10 minutes before they did (but who's keeping track?) Here's my view on the very first leg:

My nephew was very impressed with my speed going up the hill.


I miss Crossfit when I'm not there. I went on  Tuesday because it sounded like fun. We did a bunch of tests. I imagine we might do these again at some point. I had two big achievements. First, I did 4 dead hang pull-ups with the tan (or purple) band. This is the band you use when you almost don't need a band anymore. I almost did a real one after, but I didn't have it in me. I also ran a mile in 8:36. I'm pretty sure this is my best mile time. It felt good. I mean, it was hot as hell outside, but I managed. I need to get used to that kind of pace.


I'm planning on running a little the next few days, and running a lot in August. Right now, in order to really improve my physical strength and well-being, I need a serious nap.


*If Gerald Ford was from my city, I really wouldn't brag about it.

Not Winning

That's something I'm doing these days - not winning. Yesterday and today was the end of our Spring Leaning Challenge. We did the same tests and workouts three months ago. Our tests included:


Max effort pull-ups (I used a red band)
Max effort overhead squats (I did 35#)
Max box jumps in 1 minute (20" box)
Max effort handstand push-ups (yeah, right)
Max effort L-sit (you'd recognize it if you saw it)
800m run


My scores from 3 months ago are on the left - scores from yesterday in bold on the right

Max effort pull-ups - 16/24

Max effort overhead squats -  3/15

 Max box jumps in 1 minute - 26/ 28

Max effort handstand push-ups 0/0

Max effort L-sit - 6:04/6:34

800m run 3:44/3:46

Gee, good thing I've been spending all that time working on my running. In all honesty, when I looked back at my running score, I thought it was faster than usual the first time around and I didn't expect to beat it. But then I saw that most everyone improved in all of the categories. Well, yesterdays tests were only 25% of the challenge. Then there's today.

Today's workout is one of the worst workouts ever. Holding a 15# plate, you have to do:

20-15-10

Thrusters

Overhead lunges

Burpees

200m run

Super sucktastic.I remember doing this back in March. It was just the worst. Lunges are bad enough, especially for short people that have to go the same distance as people with long legs, but when you have to hold weight over your head - come on! The burpees were just cruel. But I thought that this was the only chance I had to win this thing. The first time I did the workout in 17:48. Today I did it in 15:04. I was still drooling and had snot flying out of my nose, like the first time, but I managed to do it 2:44 quicker.

The workouts are where I really show my improvement. I remember when we did Fran early in the year and for some reason, it was just torturous for me. I could not get the last 9 pull-ups done for the life of me. But then when I did it a few months later, with the same band and weight, it was almost easy. I like this aspect of Crossfit - comparing what you did then to what you can do now. We're so much more capable than we think.

And speaking of being awesome, I managed to do a real pull up for the first time at 5:40 Friday night, June 25. Clay witnessed it. I've been trying to do the kipping pull-ups for a while now and on Friday I tried a dead hang and managed to get my chin above the bar. That's a pretty big accomplishment. Next the kipping. Then the workouts RX. Then, the world!

Mindfulness

A very wise woman once told me that the key to emotional eating is mindfulness. I've heard about this concept before. Think about what you're eating. Enjoy every bite. Etc, etc. I eat too fast to do that. But I was thinking about mindfulness last night in terms of the WOD's. One of the many reasons I love Crossfit is that you can't really think about anything else while you're doing a WOD. You have to think about what you're doing or else you'll screw up. You'll hurt yourself or somebody else. Then I thought that it would be great if someone could record my thoughts while doing a workout. Say I was going to do Helen after work on a Tuesday. I can imagine this would be my thought process as we were getting ready to do the workout.


OK, I'm nervous. Maybe I should throw up. Or at least pee. I don't have time. OK, I can do this.
3-2-1 Go!
Running. I hate running. My ass feels like it's bouncing. Great. I'm not supposed to swing my arms in front of me. I'll pretend like I'm cross-country skiing. I really feel like walking. I can't walk. I never walk. It's only 400 meters. I've done this a million times. I'm not the slowest one here today. That's good. Wait til the pull-ups. Then I'll be the slowest one. Why can't I run faster? I keep trying to run faster! I really want to walk, but I can't walk. Keep running. It's almost done.
Ok, kettlebells. One pood. I should have tried for one and a half. I'm totally strong. OK, I'll do 10 in a row and see how I'm doing. I hope none of the kettlebells fly out of anyone's hands and hit me. That would be a disaster. OK. I totally rule the kettlebells and should do one and a half pood next time. I can totally do 25 in a row. I'm awesome. My hands are getting sweaty. I hope it doesn't fly out of my hands and hit somebody. That would be even worse. 
OK, pull-ups. Only 12. I can totally do 12 pull-ups in a row. I've done this before. Why is the red band so much harder than the blue? OK, I can do  6 pull-ups in a row. I hate pull-ups so much. I can't finish this workout. Yes I can. I've done it before. 6 more. OK, 3 at a time. I know I can do this. OK. First round done. Now back to running.


This is typically where I zone out until I get to the last round of running.


Why am I so slow? Where is everyone else? How did three people finish and I still have one more round to go? It's those damn pull-ups that slow me down. I can totally make up time on the running, right? This is where I can go faster. .... OK, maybe not. But this is the last time I have to run. No more running today after this. If I can make it around this corner, I'll be good. I've run this a million times.
I'm so glad I didn't use one and a half pood. There's no way I could have done this. I'll do 12 in a row. I know I can do 12 in a row, then a really quick rest. My hands are so sweaty. Damn it! This is where I can make up time. I can totally get all these in a row.
OK. Only 12 pull-ups. Then I'm done. I can do these. I know I can. 4 at a time. OK, 8 more. ... 6 more. DAMN IT! Why do these goddamn pull-ups always do this to me? I have 6 more to go and I'm going to be doing them 2 at a time. I HATE PULL-UPS! Why can't I do real ones yet? I've been doing this for almost a year! I would be done if I had used the blue band. Two more, then a break. I'm so close to being done. Why is Jeremy yelling at me? Why are people cheering me on? STOP IT!!! This is going to take me a while to do these 3 stupid pull-ups! One at a time now. My arms are done. Use your body to pull you up. Damn it! One more! I can do this. I can do this.


Time.


That's my idea of mindfulness during a workout.