Grace

A year ago, we held a Barbells for Boobs event where we raise money for Mammograms in Action. The workout is Grace - 30 Clean & Jerks for time. RX for women is 95#. It's a short workout, one that some people can do in a little over a minute, but most can manage it, with the right weight, between 3-7 minutes. Last year I did the workout in 3:31 with 75#. I also said, "I'm going to RX it next year!" I am a person who sticks to her word.

We also did this workout this June. I decided to try 85#. This time I finished in 4:48. Again, I said, "I'm going to RX it this year!"

A couple months ago, the event was posted and I made the proclamation, "I'm going to RX it this year!"

And today was the day.

So I had to do it.

I've not been feeling especially CrossFit-y lately. I certainly haven't felt very strong. (A very wise friend told me "...you will be as strong tomorrow as you need to be!") Lately, every time I do a benchmark workout, I've done worse. In my mind today, I had the brief thought that I could just do 85# again and that would be fine. But it wouldn't be. I said I would do it RX. I told it to other people. I convinced myself.

For the first 10 reps, I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my body. It was racing so fast. My adrenaline has been a little higher than normal lately. Add in stress and pressure from myself, and it's off the charts. I'm not good at short workouts. Give me a 20 minute AMRAP any day. Please! Give me time to breathe!

But I kept going. One rep at a time. Heavy, heavy shit.

And I may have been the last to finish in my heat. And I may have had the slowest time on the board today, but I finished. And I finished under 10 minutes (9:17 to be exact). And that is what matters. I said I was going to do it. And damn it, it's done.

Many CrossFitters experience the same cycle of starting CrossFit, learning the movements, seeing huge gains, plateauing, working more on technique, then seeing more gains, plateauing, etc. And the gains usually come when a lot of other stuff in your life is working, such as diet and sleep. Or they come when you feel the motivation to do better, whether from yourself or from others. Sometimes those plateaus get longer and longer as time goes by.

I know I'm on the right track and I know that I'll see gains again soon. I need to keep reminding myself that I am where I am right now, and it's up to me to change that if I need to. But sometimes I need to make big declarations to the world in order to do the things I need to do.

Which reminds me, if you haven't seen my Kickstarter project, please have a look. I'm incredibly grateful for the support I've received already. I have two weeks to go to raise another $1200. I know I will. I just said I would.
Reinventing Home

Change

A slideshow of pictures ran through my computer this morning, and I saw one that changed everything. It's a picture of me and my nephew Ben that was taken a few years ago.

Ugh. OK. I may take that down by the end of the day. I hate this picture. I hate it because I wanted a really great picture of me and Ben (he's an awesome kid. We roll on the same wavelength). But that's not me? Right? Is that how I really looked? I know I wasn't big but it just looked ... unlike me. Unlike what I thought of myself. And I know I didn't always look like that because I had just taken a picture with my niece

And I look moderately fine there. But that picture of me and Ben, that was when I felt like I had to do something. I was unhappy with all of the pictures of me. I didn't find Crossfit until a year later, but this was taken after a year of Crossfit 

That's more like it. Nate's almost as tall as me. Ben has the crazy tooth that fell out about 15 minutes later, and I'm happy. If you're unhappy with how you look or how you live, change it.


Yep. I totally miss my family.


As an aside, doesn't Crater Lake look completely unreal? That place is like another world. (It's rainy and grey today and I'm dreaming of other places)

Plateau

In Crossfit, we strive to get better. Lift heavier weights. Do more reps. Run faster. I realized this weekend that on many levels, I have plateaued. In January, I was able to deadlift 195 lbs. Once. Not since. In February, I ran a 5K in 29 minutes. I've come within 30 seconds since then, but haven't beat it yet. I've been about 5 pounds away from my goal weight for ... how long? There's a reason I don't have a scale in the house.


I have made improvements. I know this. I'm able to use a red band instead of a blue band for pull-ups. I cleaned 80 pounds. I haven't had a meltdown in a while. But I feel like I'm stuck. I want to get faster...and stronger...and lighter. Am I really putting the effort into it?


My nutrition has been questionable lately. I still struggle with sugar. I just can't make the commitment to cut it out of my life.


I'm sure there are other factors too. Maybe I'm not pushing myself hard enough. Maybe I'm not running as fast as I can because I don't know how fast I can run. I don't know. But getting better matters to me. Maybe I need to set some new goals and actually work towards them.


Crossfit Endurance starts this week. Someone either read my mind or my blog and saw that I needed help if I'm going to run a half-marathon in September. On Sunday, I ran a 5K - Bark in the Park - a fundraiser for Greenhill Humane Society. My team raised $450. We ran the race in 29:30. Definitely not a record, but it's hard to run fast when you're dodging dogs. Always an excuse.

Kate ran a few steps ahead of me the whole time. Next time, I'll beat her.