Regression (But not for long)

We work so hard to make gains in Crossfit (and in life), and it is so, so easy to lose them. I'm currently in the midst of 3 weeks away from Oregon. 3 weeks away from my normal routine. This is not good for me.

For the first week, I worked in Detroit. This was an amazing and exhausting experience. I did get a chance to work out at a CrossFit that is just opening up - CrossFit Benchmark Workouts - and they are fantastic. I really think they'll make a difference in their neighborhood, and hopefully, the city. The coach knew I was visiting, and welcomed me with a hug. I totally felt like I was home.

Aside from that, I didn't exercise much in the Motor City. I walked a lot - in my boots. But that was about it. I was hoping to make it back to Crossfit, but they have limited hours and I had many appointments. 

From there it was on to Chicago for a completely low-key weekend, which was what I needed. I talked to so many people and learned so much in Detroit. I really felt like I needed a break. I spent time with one of my oldest friends. We talked, went to the movies, played games - it was a good weekend.

Last Sunday, I made it back to Kalamazoo. I hadn't seen my family in a year, so I was looking forward to 10 days with them. Monday morning, I knew I needed to do something physical, so I bundled up and went for a "run" through downtown. I hesitate to call it a run, but I did move as quickly as I could. My heart was beating. I was breathing hard. I needed this.

I made some observations and thought a lot on that run. Smoking is much more prevalent here than it is in the northwest. I noticed a lot more smoking - in Detroit, in Chicago, and in southwest Michigan - than I do in Oregon. We have the same laws - no smoking indoors - but there are a hell of a lot more people smoking outside here. AND IT'S COLD!!! 

Also, exercise is not part of the lifestyle here. Some people do, but a lot more people in the northwest get outside and run or ride their bikes or walk or ANYTHING. I don't see that as much here.

And the third observation, which became very apparent that evening, is the overabundance of carbs. I don't know what got into me, but I ate more cereal and crackers in the first 24 hours at my sister's than I have eaten in the past year. And once I started, I couldn't stop. And I knew what I was doing when I was eating them. They're empty calories. I'm still hungry when I'm done. There's no point in eating them.

But what else is there to do?

And then we made the cookies, and we all know how that story ends.

Anyway, I've felt myself regressing all week. I feel enormous (I know I'm not enormous, but I feel that way).  And this isn't just a physical thing. Yes, I can feel the few pounds I've gained. I can also see my skin reacting. I can also feel the depression setting in. I know how this goes.

So yesterday, the sun came out for a while. It was very, very cold, but very bright. So I took the dog for a walk, then I ran around the block. It was less than a mile, but I ran fast and once again, I felt my heart beating. I breathed hard. I felt more alive. I did the same this morning, but walked and ran a little further. I don't like it, but I know I need it. (I've always meant to check out the Crossfits in Kzoo, but I never quite make it)

And today I managed to avoid eating cookies until 2pm, which is a vast improvement over the past few days. I've also started taking Vitamin D, which I've been told for years to take, but never have. We'll see if that helps.

I fly back to Oregon on Thursday and get back to Eugene on Friday. When I get back, I will work out - a lot. I know how it helps physically (and I need a lot of help in that area), but I also know how it makes me feel. And I need to feel better. I know how to do it. It just takes work.

SO...I'm putting a stop to my regression. I know how I can act. I know how people see me. But that doesn't mean that's how I have to act. It just takes work.

So hard....for so many reasons...during the holidays. Time to work on feeling as happy as I look here: 

Grace

A year ago, we held a Barbells for Boobs event where we raise money for Mammograms in Action. The workout is Grace - 30 Clean & Jerks for time. RX for women is 95#. It's a short workout, one that some people can do in a little over a minute, but most can manage it, with the right weight, between 3-7 minutes. Last year I did the workout in 3:31 with 75#. I also said, "I'm going to RX it next year!" I am a person who sticks to her word.

We also did this workout this June. I decided to try 85#. This time I finished in 4:48. Again, I said, "I'm going to RX it this year!"

A couple months ago, the event was posted and I made the proclamation, "I'm going to RX it this year!"

And today was the day.

So I had to do it.

I've not been feeling especially CrossFit-y lately. I certainly haven't felt very strong. (A very wise friend told me "...you will be as strong tomorrow as you need to be!") Lately, every time I do a benchmark workout, I've done worse. In my mind today, I had the brief thought that I could just do 85# again and that would be fine. But it wouldn't be. I said I would do it RX. I told it to other people. I convinced myself.

For the first 10 reps, I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my body. It was racing so fast. My adrenaline has been a little higher than normal lately. Add in stress and pressure from myself, and it's off the charts. I'm not good at short workouts. Give me a 20 minute AMRAP any day. Please! Give me time to breathe!

But I kept going. One rep at a time. Heavy, heavy shit.

And I may have been the last to finish in my heat. And I may have had the slowest time on the board today, but I finished. And I finished under 10 minutes (9:17 to be exact). And that is what matters. I said I was going to do it. And damn it, it's done.

Many CrossFitters experience the same cycle of starting CrossFit, learning the movements, seeing huge gains, plateauing, working more on technique, then seeing more gains, plateauing, etc. And the gains usually come when a lot of other stuff in your life is working, such as diet and sleep. Or they come when you feel the motivation to do better, whether from yourself or from others. Sometimes those plateaus get longer and longer as time goes by.

I know I'm on the right track and I know that I'll see gains again soon. I need to keep reminding myself that I am where I am right now, and it's up to me to change that if I need to. But sometimes I need to make big declarations to the world in order to do the things I need to do.

Which reminds me, if you haven't seen my Kickstarter project, please have a look. I'm incredibly grateful for the support I've received already. I have two weeks to go to raise another $1200. I know I will. I just said I would.
Reinventing Home

Restarting the Process

August has usually been my favorite month. It's my birthday month (I'm certainly not quiet about that). It's summer. It's lazy. Baseball is happening. But the last couple of years, I don't know. August has been kind of a mess. People have just been losing it lately. It's hot. It's maybe ...too lazy. Many people I know, myself included, have just been freaking the fuck out. It's time to reset.

Right now, or tonight at least, I've been reading and drinking tea and listening to Mozart .... desperately trying to calm my anxiety, or as I like to call it, my spiraling. Am I calm right now? Not really. I'm trying. Trying.

My eating has been embarrassingly atrocious the past couple months. My workouts? Sporadic. I don't really care about how I do. I mean, it's just exercise. Have I been drinking a little too much? Maybe a little. So how does all of this factor into my overall demeanor? I probably haven't been the most pleasant person lately. I know this. I apologize.

So, as many of you who go to ECF know, we're starting a nutrition challenge soon. I'm 100% all in (except coffee. DO NOT take away my coffee). My goal? Peace of mind. Don't get as pissy as I did last year during the challenge. And honestly, and I've never really tried to do this, I'd actually like to lose 10 pounds. It's time.

I have a list of other things I want to do better. Personal things. I'll keep these to myself. But it's time to get serious about a lot of crap in my life, and controlling my food/drink/exercise is definitely one way to start the process. 

34 will sparkle.

The Variable

In science and in life (and in LOST), we know that we deal with constants

I love you, Penny!

and we have variables.

In the Whole 30, my constant has been food. I control it. I fix it. I know what I'm eating and why. So when we had a little Whole 30 meeting yesterday and everyone was talking about how great they felt and the PRs they were setting, I felt bad. I don't feel any different. I'm not setting PRs. Why isn't this working?


I started thinking about when you want something so bad (I want to change. I want to set PRs. I want to lose weight) .... if you want it too bad, it's just not going to happen (this tends to happen in other parts of my life).


But then I started looking at the bigger picture. I'm stressed out right now. While my living situation is helpful and fairly pleasant, I need to find my own place. It's super stressful.


But I know the situation will change. I know things will be fine. But I'm reassessing my last week of the Whole 30.

• Say yes to social invites! My friend invited me to see the Blue Man Group tomorrow night. Normally, I'd be pretty indifferent, but I'm saying yes. It will be fun. I will enjoy it.
• Relax. This is more difficult than it should be for me. Take time to relax. Find ways to unwind, no matter what (gah! I'm terrible at relaxing!)
• Try not to eat so much fruit. What does this have to do with anything? It's more sugar than I should be eating. I need more detox.
• Don't work out so much. If I'm working out 5 days a week and not improving, maybe I should just calm down.

And honestly, the play-offs aren't helping. The 9th inning of the game yesterday was SUPER stressful. And now the Yankees have tied it up again. 

Deep breaths.