Deep Thoughts

"When it's dark enough, you can see the stars."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Especially if you're in the third round of Fight Gone Bad and the wall ball hits you in the face.

I dread tomorrow.


Be Fierce

This is my new mantra.

I could have used it a few hours ago, when I tried to RX Angie. My hand tore and I couldn't finish my pull-ups. Bummer. 75 pull-ups, 100 push-ups, 100 sit ups, and 100 squats in 22:27. Disappointed? Yes. But I remember the pain from the last time I tore my hands big time. It's not worth it. I need to learn how to take care of my hands.

In other news, I did finally beat my Annie time at 6:28. All double unders were unbroken except the round of 30. Lots of sit ups in 2 days.

All undone by ice cream.


The Case for Mobility WODs

How many couch stretches would I have to do to get to this level?


This is Where I Try Not to Tell People How to Run Their Lives

I did not intend for this blog post to be about nutrition. This blog post was supposed to be a testament to CrossFit, and to how I manage not to run for 2 months, and I can go out and run 6 miles with no problems. I hate running but somehow, I manage to get through it. CrossFit is the reason for that. But this post isn't about that.

I try not to tell people how to run their lives. I'm not the best person to do that. BUT when I hear someone tell a group of people misleading information about nutrition - and not just people, but athletes - I have to speak up.

So I did this really great run this morning out at a winery. It's a run for women. We go out for an hour and run, then come back and have mimosas and waffles. Nice. They had a speaker from a popular fitness place in Eugene to talk about nutrition. She answered a few questions and I had to start writing down what she was saying. It was the complete opposite of what I heard at the Whole 30 seminar last week.

Q: What's a good recovery meal?
A: Grilled PB&J with chocolate chips
Q: What's a good snack?
A: String cheese
Q: What's a good pre-run snack?
A: Juice/bananas/yogurt

Other foods she recommended: 
Pancakes with cottage cheese
Tortillas with Peanut Butter
English Muffin with Jam

My awesome friend wanted to ask her about paleo, but I said no, wait. I want to see if she mentions vegetables. And finally FINALLY she said something about carbs coming in the form of fruits and vegetables. 

Look, I tried to be polite (not mean). I may have rolled my eyes. I may have gasped. As one friend said, I looked like I was twitching. I waited until she was wrapping up, and I raised my hand (see, polite), and said, "If you want to eat bagels and oatmeal and cereal, that's fine. But you can get your carbs from veggies and you should get them from veggies."

This is what I wanted to say:

FDA Official: "Just Eat A Goddamn Vegetable"

But I was polite. I want that to be noted. Me. Polite. Nice. 

We also got free 2 week passes to this popular fitness place. Anyone up for getting kicked out of a gym?


The Final Cost

I have been tracking my food spending this month to see if healthy eating really costs more. When I started, I had a conservative estimate of $500 that I spent on food the month before, including going out and eating. So here is the final total. 

Costco 10/1

  • Avocados
  • Pineapple
  • Salad Mix
  • Probably something else I can't remember
Total: $15.00

Market of Choice 10/3

  • Steak
  • Mineral Water (x2)
  • Dates (bulk)
  • Honeycrisp Apples (a few)
  • Cantaloupe
  • Lemons
  • Walnuts (bulk)
  • Eggs
  • Yams (x2)

Total: $29.83

Trader Joe's 10/5

  • Ground Turkey
  • Bell Pepper
  • Dates
  • Applesauce
  • Raisins

Total: $13.62

Trader Joe's 10/9

  • Dates
  • Lemons

Total: $4.18

Market of Choice

  • Broccoli
  • Squash
  • Frozen Blueberries
  • Larabar (x2)
  • Carrots (1 lb.)
  • Salsa
  • Eggs
  • Coconut Milk (x2)
  • Steak

Total: $24.19

Awesome dinner at Lou's: $5
Coffee through October: I'm guessing $20. It's been a rough month.

Whole 30 Grand Total: $450.01

So yes, I saved money this month. And yes, it was exhausting cooking for myself ALL THE TIME!! I am proud of myself for eating all my food (meaning I didn't end up tossing a lot of it). I still have a lot of fish that I don't know what to do with. I miss going out. I know if I spent more time planning, I'd spend less. I'm not a robot. BUT I ate clean all month and I spent $50 less. So there. I proved my point.


Then We Came to the End

Yesterday I attended the Whole 9 Foundations workshop. I learned all sorts of good stuff. I finally learned why grains are bad (they contain phytic acid, which prevents minerals from other foods from absorbing into your body, right?) I learned that milk is the ideal food for a rapidly growing baby mammal (good thing I don't drink a lot of milk). I also learned that I will do the Whole 30 differently when I do it again in January.

I may have a tendency to get obsessive about certain things (LOST, baseball, my eyebrows). So when I'm part of a very strict program where I have to think about what I'm eating ALL THE TIME, I may get a little, uh, obsessive. Or paranoid. Or resentful of people enjoying food I can't eat. Or all of the above.

I have not eaten a lot of processed foods in the last month. I've pretty much only eaten what I've bought (I can't trust anyone!). So when my travelling companion, who is like the most awesome person ever, offered me plantain chips from Trader Joe's and showed me the ingredients, including sunflower oil, which was verified by other people sitting there, I ate some. And I felt bad about it. Then, a couple hours later in the workshop, our fearless leader lumped sunflower oils in with other vegetable oils in the 'avoid' list. OK, it said 'minimal' or something. I get scared. I scribble on the back of some paper, "Did you just sabotage me with the plantain chips?" I worry. Day 27 and I have failed. 

But I didn't fail. We asked at the break. And I think Melissa, who runs the Whole 30, was a little freaked out with our obsessiveness. I'm fine. And so are the people who've had salsa with citric acid. Geez. She doesn't want us to be hermits for a month (like me). Deep breath. I'm fine.

So many people are fine. Seriously, this Whole 30 thing has brought together so many people at our box. I hope to post their awesome stories of success soon, because, unfortunately, I don't know how much I'll have to report about myself. 


  • OK, I think my skin is a little clearer.
  • I was told that I look thinner (although I don't feel thinner)
  • I proved to myself that I can make my own food for a month.
  • I did not cave and get take out or have a drink.
  • I saved money (I'll share more this week)

Not Quite Negatives, but Certainly Not Positive:

  • I've seriously sucked at workouts lately. We had one this morning that I should have flown through. I felt really out of shape and irritated with myself.
  • I haven't changed certain habits (I'll plow through a bunch of dates in no time)
  • I don't really feel any different.

And maybe that's because of a few factors. I didn't eat terrible before. I haven't eaten a lot of processed foods in the past couple years, so I may not need to reset so much. I have been stressed out big time lately. I didn't really follow the guidelines as much as I should have. In that regard, I mean eating pre- and post-WOD and having enough veggies or protein at each meal. I will change a lot of things next time I do Whole 30.

And holy cow, after we hit the road after the workshop yesterday, I felt my blood sugar drop (I realized I hadn't eaten in a while) and I made my wonderful travelling companion pull over so I could eat. We avoided a pretty ugly situation. A lady's gotta eat.

Going Forward, For Us All
There is some fear among the Whole 30ers, who will wake up Wednesday morning free to eat whatever we want. We fear we might fall back into old habits pretty quickly. Here are my thoughts.

We don't always have to say no, but we don't always have to say yes. If you're faced with something that you know has been a food reward in the past, know that you've lived without it for 30 days. You don't have to live without it forever. Why do you want it this time? 

More to come later in the week.


The Variable

In science and in life (and in LOST), we know that we deal with constants

I love you, Penny!
and we have variables.

In the Whole 30, my constant has been food. I control it. I fix it. I know what I'm eating and why. So when we had a little Whole 30 meeting yesterday and everyone was talking about how great they felt and the PRs they were setting, I felt bad. I don't feel any different. I'm not setting PRs. Why isn't this working?

I started thinking about when you want something so bad (I want to change. I want to set PRs. I want to lose weight) .... if you want it too bad, it's just not going to happen (this tends to happen in other parts of my life).

But then I started looking at the bigger picture. I'm stressed out right now. While my living situation is helpful and fairly pleasant, I need to find my own place. It's super stressful.

But I know the situation will change. I know things will be fine. But I'm reassessing my last week of the Whole 30.

  • Say yes to social invites! My friend invited me to see the Blue Man Group tomorrow night. Normally, I'd be pretty indifferent, but I'm saying yes. It will be fun. I will enjoy it.
  • Relax. This is more difficult than it should be for me. Take time to relax. Find ways to unwind, no matter what (gah! I'm terrible at relaxing!)
  • Try not to eat so much fruit. What does this have to do with anything? It's more sugar than I should be eating. I need more detox.
  • Don't work out so much. If I'm working out 5 days a week and not improving, maybe I should just calm down.
And honestly, the play-offs aren't helping. The 9th inning of the game yesterday was SUPER stressful. And now the Yankees have tied it up again. 

Deep breaths.


I've Lost Track of the Days

I do know that we have a week and a half to go, and I will finish this no matter what. I'm not having epiphanies like some people. I'm not feeling all shiny and new like some people. But I am recognizing habits and tendencies, which is where I will gain the most benefit from this program.

First, I started teaching this week. When I teach, I know I'll be gone all day. I pack accordingly. I've been great on these days. It's the days that I don't teach, where I go to the office for my other job, that I've gotten lazy. Either I don't think about lunch in time or I know that I can go home at lunch, so I've ended up not packing anything. This is bad. Plan ahead. Be prepared.

Second, I'm stressed out. I haven't been sleeping well this week. I have bags under my eyes right now, even though I did get plenty of sleep last night. I'm in a temporary living situation that is great, but with each day I realize I need to figure out my new living situation. This has become a problem. I'd love to live on my own. Truthfully, I can't really afford it right now. I may have a lead on a potential roommate, but I'm still not sure. Finding a decent rental in Eugene is proving to be ridiculous. I need to find the right space for me and my dog, and I need to find it soon. It's very much on my mind.

So the positive from the stress is that I'm not reaching for ice cream or wine. BUT I also went to CrossFit 5 times this week. Is it healthy for me to do that? Sure it's exercise, but maybe too much. Am I just replacing one habit with another? Escaping from reality at the gym? It wouldn't be the first time.

AND, the Tigers game last night was postponed. Come on! They can build a huge crazy expensive stadium in New York and not put a retractable roof on it? Stupid Yankees! The great Verlander vs. Sabathia match-up everyone was waiting for lasted one whole inning. Grrr!

So the positives. I continue to make my own food, which is good for me. Jen gave us this recipe for Sausage ... holy cow it's good! I made it last weekend and just made another batch this morning. It's delicious and I know what went into it because I made it. And it has to be easy if I made it.

I need to eat more veggies. I know this. I picked some up today. I will do better. My most consistent form of veggies has come from the salsa I put on my eggs. But I bought leafy stuff and I will eat it.

My biggest weakness, besides the veggies, is when I do a really hard workout and then I have to go to the store hungry. This is when I would go get take out. I have not done that yet. I've been good. I've made my own food. After the 30 days, I'll remember that I did this and I will try not to stop at Ron's Island Grill so often. I will try.

Shopping (a short list this week):
Market of Choice (9/28 - post-workout)

  • Acorn Squash
  • Dates (bulk)
  • Apples (honeycrisp x 3)
  • Salad mix (bulk)
  • Organic baby carrots
  • Cantaloupe
  • Ground Beef

Total: $15.45

Trader Joe's (10/1)

  • Frozen Berries
  • Frozen Blueberries
  • Ground Turkey
  • Eggs
  • Canned pumpkin (x2)
  • Brussel Sprouts
  • Arugula
  • Lettuce
  • Avocados (x2)

Total: $26.14

Coffee throughout the week: probably about $8

Whole 30 total: $338.19

And yes, this is just for one person. And I am spending considerably less than last month. BUT I miss going out. I really, really do. I would love to have an evening out with friends and good food. I've had some interesting conversations with friends about my fear of not being fun if I'm not drinking. (I could do a whole post about this) I know I don't have to go out as much as I did before, and I don't have to get take out as much as I did before. I know this Whole 30 thing is hardcore. I know it's good to sit with whatever feelings I have that would make me want to eat ice cream, or have a glass of wine. I will take this with me going forward.