On Heartbreak and Staying the Course

Hello friends,

Last time I checked in, I was embarking on the nutrition challenge. For the first week, I cut out gluten (no problem). In the second week, I cut out sugar and alcohol (OK, this is a challenge). During the third week I cut out dairy. And last, legumes. I've done the Whole 30 before, so this wasn't a complete shock to my system. What I wanted to do was take control of a big area in my life, which I have successfully done.

So starting last week, we're allowed two cheat meals per week. This is where you have to be deliberate and intentional. I was hoping I could do this during baseball play-offs. My Tigers were already in the ALCS. Great! But I also knew I had a big party coming up (the 18th) and I also planned a dinner out with someone I adore (Monday night). So my cheat meals were taken up last week. But, instead of eating sugary, heavy things and drinking by myself watching baseball, I shared that time with friends and didn't overdo it. So that sounds like success on my part. 

So for my second week with cheat meals, I wanted to plan one tonight during Game 7. I wanted to get Cafe Yumm takeout and drink some hard ciders while watching my Tigers. But last night, the heartbreak happened.

My team, who I follow religiously, squandered their best chance at winning a World Series. 

They haven't been quite right for a while. The best hitter in baseball, Miguel Cabrera, has been playing injured since August. His power has been gone. Our starting pitching has been beyond excellent, phenomenal actually, but they can't do everything. 

It was actually a very close series, closer than it looked. If a few calls had been made differently, if some catches had been made, if some hits had gone a little farther, the outcome would be different.

But it's not.

The thing about baseball is that it's such a long season. 162 games. This team had all of the expectations riding on them the whole year. They were supposed to win. But when it came down to it, it just couldn't happen this year.

I may have had tears in my eyes as I listened to the final broadcast of the year of the Tiger's announcers. I may have felt true heartbreak for a team that I love so much. I just didn't want the season to be over yet.

But there's always next year. 

And in that year, I hope that we find some more dependable relief pitching. I hope we find a good hitter and player in left field. I hope Prince Fielder finds a good sports psychologist so he can work his shit out. And I hope the core of the team remains the same, because they are one of the most exciting teams in baseball.

And me, I'm sticking to the challenge. A lot of people have been shocked that I've been able to keep up with it, but I'm not.  I've been more deliberate in my food choices, although I'm aware of the mistakes I make (too many tortilla chips, not enough veggies). Savor my cheat meals and go for the good stuff. And just keep moving forward. It's all we can do.

Resilience

I, admittedly, have not quite been myself lately. I have been super-emotional and that has come out in front of whoever is around at the wrong time. But maybe, I don't know, maybe that's more 'me' than I want to admit. I generally come across as calm, serene, whatever. I think a lot of the churning that happens inside is starting to come out.

Anyway, where this is going is that I need to remember my motto, my mantra, what I was reminded today is emblazoned on my skin: SISU.

The Detroit Tigers just played Game One of the American League Championship Series against the Yankees. What this means to non-baseball fans is that this is the series before the World Series. And we hate the Yankees. Everyone hates the Yankees.

The Tigers played AMAZING baseball for 9 1/2 innings. Our starting pitcher, Doug Fister, was beautiful. It was a high-stress situation and he was calm and focused. We went into the bottom of the 9th with a 4 run lead. The Yankee crowd had quieted, booed their players who weren't performing, and by the 9th, the crowd had started to leave. We had this. Advantage Detroit.

And then it fell apart. Tigers fans knew it as it was happening. Our closing pitcher did this last week. He doesn't have it right now. We watched it crumble before us. And the Yankees scored 4 runs. All of the confidence we had...gone.

And we kept playing - into the late night. It was ugly. It took forever. 5 hours, to be exact. It was late on the West Coast and it was still happening. And the Tigers persevered. They just kept going. The Yankees had the advantage. The crowd was back into it. But the Tigers showed grit. They represent one of the toughest cities in the country. They were patient. When they saw the chance, they got on base. They scored runs. And they won. SISU.

This is what the Tiger's manager had to say after the game:

 "If we are going to be good enough, we have to be able to take a punch, and we took a big punch.  We took a right cross in the ninth inning but we survived it." - Jim Leyland

I'm not quite sure what's been going on with me. Just a lot of anxiety. Stress. Frustration with certain things in my life, including CrossFit. But I know what's in my blood. On my skin forever. If the Tigers can win this game after everything that happened last night, I can get through this. SISU.

Restarting the Process

August has usually been my favorite month. It's my birthday month (I'm certainly not quiet about that). It's summer. It's lazy. Baseball is happening. But the last couple of years, I don't know. August has been kind of a mess. People have just been losing it lately. It's hot. It's maybe ...too lazy. Many people I know, myself included, have just been freaking the fuck out. It's time to reset.

Right now, or tonight at least, I've been reading and drinking tea and listening to Mozart .... desperately trying to calm my anxiety, or as I like to call it, my spiraling. Am I calm right now? Not really. I'm trying. Trying.

My eating has been embarrassingly atrocious the past couple months. My workouts? Sporadic. I don't really care about how I do. I mean, it's just exercise. Have I been drinking a little too much? Maybe a little. So how does all of this factor into my overall demeanor? I probably haven't been the most pleasant person lately. I know this. I apologize.

So, as many of you who go to ECF know, we're starting a nutrition challenge soon. I'm 100% all in (except coffee. DO NOT take away my coffee). My goal? Peace of mind. Don't get as pissy as I did last year during the challenge. And honestly, and I've never really tried to do this, I'd actually like to lose 10 pounds. It's time.

I have a list of other things I want to do better. Personal things. I'll keep these to myself. But it's time to get serious about a lot of crap in my life, and controlling my food/drink/exercise is definitely one way to start the process. 

34 will sparkle.

Reflections on Coaching

Last fall I saw a window of opportunity to get my Level One Certification and start coaching. This is so different than anything I've ever done. I needed that. I needed change and I needed a challenge. I'm so happy I decided to do it.


I started coaching at the end of November. When I started, I was worried that nobody would take me seriously. They'd think, "Hey, there's that woman who fixes Jeremy's grammar and yells real loud when she does cleans. I hear she's also good at opening champagne bottles. WTF is she doing leading my class?" And maybe that's what some people were thinking. But I kept signing up for classes because I knew I wouldn't get better unless I actually coached. So I faced those fears and just kept coaching.


And then some things started to click. I got some regular classes (I love my Mondays at 3:30). I started knowing the athletes that I didn't know. They started asking me questions. Newer people asked me questions. I knew the answers. Newer people saw me as a coach, and not just another athlete. I started feeling more like I want to feel. Challenged, yet comfortable. And it's fun. It is. 


I've been told that I'm not always the most confident in front of a group. I think this is true in the case when I'm with more experienced athletes. I love working with newer athletes. I love figuring out ways to scale so they know how to do the movements safely and they'll get a good workout. 


I just listened to an incredible ending to a baseball game. Justin Verlander needed to pitch the full game. He just had to. It was the bottom of the 9th. The Tigers were up 3-2 and his pitch count was in the 120s (that's a lot for all of you who don't know baseball). He walked a guy and then had runners on 1st and 2nd. Jim Leyland, the Tigers' manager, comes out to the mound. They chat. Verlander stays in the game. Not many managers or coaches would believe in a player like that. He kept him in the game. Verlander actually hit the next batter, which loaded the bases. He stays in. If there's a hit or a walk, the Royals win (the f*ing Royals, of all teams). On his 131st pitch, Verlander struck out the hitter. Tigers win! His manager believed in him.


I'm no Jim Leyland. I could never grow a mustache that awesome. Sometimes our athletes need to hear it from someone else that they can do it. Sometimes just hearing your name during a WOD is all you need to keep going, or a cue from a coach so you know they're paying attention. I totally believe in our athletes. They're f*ing amazing.


And things go wrong all the time. If you've taken a class with me, you probably know that I'd like to run over the timer with my car. Run it over! Sometimes Pandora picks the wrong song. Sometimes my athletes don't like Rihanna! Whatev!


I know I'm not the best athlete. I'm average. I really need to work on technique in my lifts. But you don't need to be the best athlete to be a good coach. You need to recognize form in others and give cues to help them improve. I know I'll get better at this the more I do it. I just need to keep doing it and keep paying attention.


I like coaching. I'm glad I needed the challenge. And I'm grateful for the athletes who believe in me, because I certainly believe in them.

Moderating (or not)

I eat cleaner than the vast majority of Americans. And I understand that eating clean can mean different things to different people. Many people would look at a Yumm bowl and think, “Rice, avocado, olives, tomatoes, edamame...that looks pretty healthy!” Sure...but not for me. Grains are probably not the best choice all around (although I don’t think that a little rice now and then can hurt). I don’t want to admit it or believe it, but I think there’s something in Yumm sauce (like crack) that makes me congested. Because that’s how I feel now when I eat something I’m not supposed to - congested. Thanks Whole 30. Now I’m acutely aware of how food makes me feel.

It seems like I’ll go through phases where I’ll eat pretty clean, then I’ll allow myself some treats, then I’ll just go off the deep end and I can’t button my jeans anymore. Then I’ll realize I need to clean it up, I’ll stay that way for a few weeks, then I’m back to the sweatpants. I remember reading something in a magazine a while back...a word I hear people say once in a while that I don’t really understand...something like...moderation?

Of course! Moderation! Duh! This could mean eating 90% paleo and allowing a cheat meal once a week. That sounds great! That sounds easy! That sounds...COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY UNDOABLE!!!   

I am not a moderator. I can’t eat two Thin Mints. Is there anyone in the world who could eat two Thin Mints? Once that box is open, they’re gone in a matter of minutes. And this isn't just about food! If I like something, I want a lot of it. Baseball just started. You think I can check scores and standings once a week or once a day? Forget it. My time is occupied from now until the end of October (since the Tigers will win it all this year). Moderation is not in my vocabulary.

CrossFit workouts are “fun.” They make you feel like your body is actually doing something. They push you to work harder. Beat the clock. Beat your last time. Get one more rep. Do it! Sometimes we’ll plan on a rest day, then see what the workout is that day and think, ‘I have to do this one! I’ll take a rest day eventually. Maybe the next day.’ And it never happens and we get burnt out and injured. OK, this doesn’t always happen, but sometimes it can. I think I’ve almost figured out a way to find ‘moderation’ in CrossFit.

Rest (sometimes)
Don’t go crazy RX superhard beastmode every day
Listen to your body
Let your coaches scale you
Stop comparing yourself to other people*

*A special word on this last one. During the CrossFit Open, of course we compare ourselves to others. We’re all doing the same workout with the same weights. I was disappointed in a lot of my workouts, but I need to factor in the rest of my life. My stress level this past year has been a lot higher than in the past. I don’t want to mention how many times I’ve moved in the past year, and how different my life is now than how it used to be. These are important factors that the leaderboards don’t measure.

I need to think of food this way, too. I think dairy makes me break out. Sugar turns me into a monster. Ordering a Yumm bowl a few times a week is just lazy. Do I want to be this way? No. So I need to be mindful of the choices I make and what behaviors and side effects they will cause. I need to be accountable for how I act and how I present myself to the world. Food is a big part of that. Food is just the first step. Time to reset, yet again.

CrossFit and the Single Girl

I am single. Fact. After a bizarro period of time in my life, I can say with confidence that I am single and I like being single. It also has me thinking about where to find the right guy. Lately, my friends and family have said, "You know Robin, you could date people who don't go to your gym." Sure. I get the reasoning behind that. BUT, when so much of my life is spent at the box, wouldn't it make sense to combine these two areas of my life? It's multi-tasking, right? As with anything, there are pros and cons to the situation. Let's sort them out.


Cons

• What if it doesn't work out? That would be awkward, right? 
• Sure, depending on the situation. Can't people just work out when I'm not there? 
• But you're a coach now. You shouldn't date the athletes.
• Come on. All the other coaches do it.

Are there other cons? I don't know.

Pros

• Common interests!
• I know lots about CrossFit. We already have something to talk about, especially if the other person doesn't like baseball (God forbid).
• We can see each other at our best...and at our worst.
• That's what's so great about CrossFit - we do things we wouldn't normally do and we surprise ourselves and others. Somedays it's like, 'Whoa, I just did butterfly pull-ups!' or 'I totally finished that WOD when I didn't think I could.' Other days, it's more like, 'I just threw out more f-bombs in the last 5 minutes than I ever have in my life, and that person still high-fived me' or 'I have snot running out of my nose and that person's still talking to me.' We know how we do and what we look like. We live with it. And we keep coming back.
• And honestly, people usually see you at your best...or at least that's what they remember.
• Maybe you had a bad day. You didn't get that PR. It's in your head. But that other person saw you try. And they keep seeing that over time. There are so many people at Eugene CrossFit that I ADORE (and I don't use that word lightly) because of how supportive they are to the other athletes: my friends I hang out with socially, my buddies in GWOD, my fellow coaches ... it's an amazing place. What was I talking about again?
• A built in panel of relationship experts!  (OK, maybe not experts)
• BUT if there's someone that catches your eye, you can ask someone else at the box about them. I do this all the time. Actually, maybe we gossip too much. Never mind. This is a bad example.
• Where else would I meet people?
• A bar? A website? Work? Ugh. These are terrible options. And in a place like Eugene, which is defeating to begin with, where else would someone like me look?

I would argue that CrossFit is the IDEAL place to find the next great catch. Take that, mom!

Eye of the Tiger

This is Justin Verlander. He is, without question, one of the top pitchers in Major League Baseball right now (if not the best). He has pitched a no-hitter this year and has nearly pitched 2 more. He's probably going to win the Cy Young Award this year. And he’s a Tiger!

If you watch him pitch, which you should, you’ll notice one dominating characteristic about him: focus. When he’s on, he’s on. No emotion, just pitching. Yes, the Angels tried to rile him up the other day and it kind of worked, but that was a team effort to stop him. He knows what he needs to do and he goes out there and focuses on the job.


I noticed this a few times this past weekend at the Crossfit games. First there was Elisabeth Akinwale. These athletes had to go through this row of monkey bars during a workout. Fun, right? They ended up ripping hands and morale. It takes a lot of shoulder strength and agility to quickly make it through them. This woman? She flew.

And it was awesome. She knew this was her workout, and she dominated. Pure focus, one rung to the next.


A lot of people were cheering for Pat ‘Manimal’ Barber this weekend. He’s kind of a Crossfit celebrity. Average guy; amazing strength. The last workout ended with pulling a sled across an arena with a long rope. Yeah, the Manimal was one of the first few with the rope, but everyone expected strong guy Jason Khalipa to finish first. Then, out of nowhere, the Manimal’s sled starts moving across the arena. he gets this sheer determination, this focus, and wins his heat.

In the back, yeah, he wins the heat.

The crowd roared.

And then, of course, is our own Cheryl Brost. Cheryl finished 13th last year in her first games. We watched her crush workouts through the Crossfit Open, then fight from behind in the Northwest Regionals to make it to the Games. She was so consistent this weekend. She focused on the workout in front of her and she showed grit and determination through each one. While the camera would focus on someone more well-known (Camille, ahem), Cheryl just did her best and finished strong. 13th last year. 7th this year. And at the end of every workout:

A true champion.

Thanks for inspiring us, Cheryl.

Go Phillies!

Earlier this week someone at work asked me how much weight I've lost. The truth is I don't know. I haven't weighed myself since August. My pants certainly feel a lot looser. I know I look different. But I don't know the number. Not yet. The workout on Monday didn't seem bad at the time, but then my forearm started feeling weird a couple days later. This arm - I don't know. See, I fractured my arms in a bike accident back in 2000. Everything's fine for years. Then this January my right arm starts looking and feeling weird. It was kind of red and felt ... I don't know. It just didn't feel right. I told my doctor and then went to a sports medicine guy. I don't know how it happened exactly. It may have something to do with some wine and some kettlebells in our house, I don't know. Anyway, the sports medicine guy didn't really know either. But it got better on its own. So this week it started hurting again. Maybe I put too much pressure on it when I was doing my pistols and hanging onto the rings. I don't know. Stupid arm. The power cleans the next day probably didn't help either. Whatever. Saturday morning was the ecrossfit workout test multi-wod bonanza. Friday night I went out to the movies (District 9 - so good) and to eat with friends, and managed not to drink anything or eat anything too horrible. Good work Robin! I did better than I thought in the 4 activities. I had no idea how fast I could run a mile, but now I know it's 8:50, and I definitely think I can do better. I felt good at the end of the challenge. I did 53 double unders in 4 minutes. Again, I hadn't thought about my shins in a while, but the double unders reminded me of how they were doing. Anywho... I know I need to start decreasing my resistance and increasing my weights. I think I'm ready for that next level. I'd also like to lose a few more pounds. We were wandering through Bed, Bath, and Beyond and I stepped on a scale. I know I had on more clothes than I did last time I was weighed in August and I was wearing boots, but I wasn't crazy about what that scale said. I know how to lose weight. I've proven that I can do it. Now I just have to commit. BUT, it's fall and I love sweet potatoes and I won't give them up! I'm not talking about sweet potatoes with all sorts of sugar and crap on them - just sweet potatoes. Maybe a little bit of cinnamon. And the Phillies are going back to the World Series! Woo-hoo!

Excuses, excuses

On Sundays I usually sign up for the classes that will fit into my schedule that week and I'm pretty good at sticking to them. This week totally got away from me and I really don't have anyone to blame but myself (and the Tigers). Monday was fine. We did shoulder press, push press, and push jerk. Great. Done! I also signed up for Tuesday evening. So that afternoon/evening was the night of the Tigers/Twins one game playoff to see who could go to the play-offs. The Tigers had been leading the Central Division since May, but they totally fell apart this September and managed to end the season tied with the Twins, who are always good in September. The game started at 2. I left work early to go watch it - I had to. I still had every intention of going to crossfit at 5:15. It soon became evident that this game was not going to end - the Tigers were up, then the Twins were ahead, then they were tied, then there were bad calls. So Josh had his computer and we switched my time to 6:15. Then the game went into extra innings. It was a pretty stressful night. The Tigers lost. They put up a good fight. But by that time, there was no more crossfit and no more baseball. The end. So then I planned on going at Wednesday at 5:45. I met with my volunteers at work at 5 and told them that I had to leave by 5:30 - but they all showed up and they were all so excited and ready to do lots of work that I couldn't go. I felt awful about missing both crossfit and the potluck that night, but I was just overwhelmed. I managed to go Friday evening and do 50 pull-ups, 50 push-ups, 70 sit ups, and 70 squats. I probably could have gone for 100 for the last two, but I was pretty proud of myself for the first two. Then we did another team thing on Saturday. We threw more balls over the beams, but we weren't really throwing them at each other this time. The fear started setting in that my favorite boots may be keeping my shins from getting better. Instead of wearing other shoes, I think I'll ignore it for a while and see what happens. That's always a good plan. Next week, I'll totally pull my life together.

The Work Begins

This week was the busiest week I've had in a long time but I managed to make it through it with 3 crossfit workouts crammed in there. I wanted more workouts, but I couldn't do it. I even called in sick on Tuesday because I felt like I was coming down with something and I just couldn't be sick that week. I had a big event for work on Wednesday evening (which went perfect), I taught for the first time on Thursday night, and I was busy with work all day Saturday. AND the Tigers were completely collapsing during the last week of the season. We were 3 games ahead with 4 games to go - how did we lose it? How? Anyway, the worst part of the week was Wednesday morning with front squats. I can't do them. I tried and my wrists couldn't handle it and I'm not flexible enough to do it. It was really, really frustrating. I hate not being able to do something. I did back squats instead, but I definitely felt defeated that morning. I tried. I can do sit ups and back extensions though!