Confronting My Past

I've been pretty upfront here about dealing with depression for most of my life. CrossFit has helped a great deal with that. I also know, from my past postings about this, that a lot of other people dealing with this have found solace with the intensity of the workouts and the community. As I get older, I find different ways to 'snap out of it.' I've actually, for the most part, been pretty happy this past year. At least I haven't had to deal with an overwhelming feeling of apathy/despair/sadness/loneliness.

Until recently. 

Since dealing with a pretty big blow to my professional world, I've felt not quite myself. I know, I know. It wasn't meant to be. There will be other, better opportunities. I know. But telling myself this, and other people telling me this, doesn't take away the fact that I didn't get that opportunity that I wanted and deserved. And I have to figure out something here that will work for me.

Combine this with a HUGE shift in the weather, from super sunny and perfectly warm to windy/rainy/awfulness, and I've been in a major funk these past few days. 

And I really, really, really notice it now when this happens to me. I used to be like this all the time and I don't want to be that way anymore. So I have to have a plan. And I have to make sure that I'm OK. It's up to me to do this.

A very wise friend of mine said this: "Remind yourself to choose what you do or don't do based on your goals and values, rather than your current mood. Your mood may improve and if it doesn't, you still get something done." Wise words from a wise friend. 

So what do I do to make sure I'm OK?

  • Reach out to friends. It's OK to do that. They are my people.
  • Do my work, which is difficult. I don't want to do anything. But putting everything off only makes it worse.
  • Don't drink. I haven't had any alcohol in over a week and I'm going to keep this up for a while. It's what killed my dad, who also dealt with all of this. (And his dad, but that's an even sadder story)
  • Work out. But make sure I'm ready. Do it when I feel good and not too tired or hungry. Push myself just enough. 
  • But let other people push me, too. Working out takes me out of my head. I need that. I need that a lot.
  • Don't compare myself to other people. I'm not them. We all have our stuff that we don't see when we show up for workouts.
  • Eat the right foods. Don't get lazy with it. 
So what works for other people when they fall into this?

(*and don't worry. Everything's fine. I know it will be fine soon.)

1 comment:

Tania said...

Things that pull me out of the dark: Journaling, listening to music, taking some alone time to regroup (even if it means locking myself in the bathroom with my ipod), calling my sister, baking (gotta be careful with that one since it leads to eating...)
Also, not comparing myself to others. It's guaranteed to ruin my day.