8.2.10

There's No Crying in Crossfit!

Instead of dealing with my emotions in a normal, healthy manor, I like to bottle them up and let them go at inappropriate times, like sitting in a meeting, standing in line at a grocery store, or trying to do an overhead squat. This happened last week. In order to do some things well, you need to focus. An overhead squat is one of those things. It doesn't feel natural to hold a 35 pound bar over your head while you squat. It takes some balance and coordination. During a workout last week, we had to run 400 meters, do 10 overhead squats, 20 pull-ups, and 30 kettlebell swings (3 rounds), then run 400 m again. After the run, I was the last one in. I was distracted because my car needed to be moved, which someone volunteered to do for me. By the time I got to my bar, I felt like I was in a hurry and I wasn't even thinking about what I was doing. I stumbled a little, lost my balance. I couldn't hold that weight over my head. I got upset and finished that set, deciding to do a lesser weight. No, not 25, but 15. I was a mess. I lost focus. It's scary to have something fall and to not be ready for it. Next time, I'll take a deep breath and think about what I'm doing.
I'm also an emotional eater. I am. I always have been. This paleo thing helped me in the summer and I cut out all the binge eating. Winter is different. I rarely see daylight. I get bored. If no one's at my end of the office, I'll get into the candy jar. I know that it makes me feel bad, but it still sounds like a good idea. It's not. It never is. When I eat bad things, I don't just eat a little, I eat a lot. Last night during the Super Bowl, we picked up a couple slices of pizza, potato wedges, and chicken tenders. None of that is good for you. But I didn't just eat a slice of pizza. I went after it all. You know how I felt after.
So before all that happened yesterday, I made a breakthrough in my running. I ran the Truffle Shuffle 4 mile race. I ran the whole thing (no walking) and had a goal of coming in under 42 minutes. I actually, to my shock, came in just under 40 minutes. I kept a steady pace the whole way. I managed to run under 10 minutes a mile. It's a miracle. But while I was walking back to my car, I couldn't think about anything but pizza. I hardly ever crave pizza, but man, a nice hot slice with pineapple sounded soooo good. And I ended up having it. I can't imagine how I would feel if I ran a half-marathon. I think I'd have to warn the Chinese Buffet ahead of time.

4 comments:

Jen Maguire said...

I feel like you somehow reached into my head and wrote what I've been feeling. I was in tears by the end of Monday's wod. Last week, after a particularly stressful day, I drove through Burger King! WTF? This continues to be a struggle. Thank you for sharing what you're going through!!

Emilee said...

this sounds like me the other night when we had to do muscle up (progressions for me) hand stand push ups and wall balls. at one point daren told me that i needed to get the ball higher.i knew he was pushing me to be better...as a coach should, but i turned my head around...looked at the X just as the tears started falling...and the damn things just kept pouring out. i tried to pull it together
--at one point i felt a 10# ball bump into me...i turned my head to find heather m saying "i thought you might want to use this one" and i started laughing. i felt like i went thru 13 seasons of emotions and i struggled to not feel like a failure...but some days are great and some days are really really bad...luckily the rest are that great combo of challenge and accomplishment. we all have habits and ways that we used to find comfort...luckily we have crossfit--to help us recognize these things so we can be aware of the healthy habits and the not so healthy ones-- which is the first step...
way to persevere!! you'll be kicking that overhead squat's ass in no time

Jill Dose said...

I'm so glad to discover that I'm not the only one who cries at crossfit.

Foxygen said...

I must feel like crying at least once a week at Crossfit. I'm sure there are other factors, but Crossfit is good at bringing it out.