I've been getting really frustrated lately with CrossFit. It's not CrossFit's fault. I've been doing it for three years and while my body weight movements have gotten so much better this past year, my lifting has remained the same. It's frustrating. After not being able to clean what I should be able to clean yesterday, I was in a pissy mood and started thinking about how I could possibly make progress.
As an athlete, I wish I could start over. Learn all the movements for the first time so I can stop these habits I've formed. Clear all of my old PRs and start logging new ones. I know I'm hard on myself. I know that I don't have an athletic background and my eating habits are terrible. I know I get frustrated easily. So what do I do?
As with many areas in life, I need to have an open mind and an open heart. I need to pay attention. I need to listen. I can't unlearn what I already know, but I have to make sure that I'm not tuning out or else I could miss something important. You can't make progress unless you're open to it.
31.7.12
18.7.12
More of my Writing
Mainly for my reference, here are some more articles I've written that were published on the CrossFit Games site.
Holding Nothing Back: Austin Stack
For the Fun of It: Samantha Petersen
Focused on the Task: Ruth Anderson Horrell
Australia's Fittest Woman: Kara Gordon
For some reason, this one didn't stay up too long, but we managed to get a screen shot before they took it down. Phew!
Holding Nothing Back: Austin Stack
For the Fun of It: Samantha Petersen
Focused on the Task: Ruth Anderson Horrell
Australia's Fittest Woman: Kara Gordon
For some reason, this one didn't stay up too long, but we managed to get a screen shot before they took it down. Phew!
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| Excellent Journalism Right Here! |
12.7.12
Gratitude
This week marks my three year CrossFit anniversary. I've been thinking about it a lot. It's different this year. It's not about me at all.
I've been coaching more over the past two weeks. I'm subbing for different people and meeting different athletes who go to different times. There's one constant in their stories, whether they've been coming for a year or a month or a day. They notice right away that it's different. And it has something to do with what I've posted before:
"I saw an Oprah once where she talked about happiness and how to find it and have it in your life. I've also been pretty forward about my depression here. Anything helps. But one things she said you can do is at least once a month (or week?), go to a place outside of home or work where people expect you to show up - a club, a group, a common interest. Some people have church. Some people have potlucks. Some people have knitting circles. I moved out to Eugene 4 years ago. I'm not the most outgoing person in the world. It's hard to make friends as an adult. And I don't have family here. So what I appreciate most about Crossfit is the awesome people I work out with every day. I was going to single out a few, but then I thought of a few more, so you know who you are ;) I love my Crossfit friends!"
I posted that a year ago. At this time last year, I really didn't know what my life would look like in the upcoming weeks and months. While it's not perfect and Lord knows I have a lot to work on, I'm a lot happier than I thought I'd be.
This year, my CrossFit anniversary is about gratitude. I'm grateful for the friendships I've developed through this community. I'm grateful to work with people who are just discovering CrossFit, so it's always new to me. I'm grateful for the ability to make a lot of my living in this community (both through coaching and this year, through writing). I'm grateful for what CrossFit has done for me emotionally and physically.
I'd love to post a picture of me lifting heavy shit to show how strong I am or doing pull-ups like a bad ass. Whatevs. This one reflects how CrossFit really makes me feel.
I've been coaching more over the past two weeks. I'm subbing for different people and meeting different athletes who go to different times. There's one constant in their stories, whether they've been coming for a year or a month or a day. They notice right away that it's different. And it has something to do with what I've posted before:
"I saw an Oprah once where she talked about happiness and how to find it and have it in your life. I've also been pretty forward about my depression here. Anything helps. But one things she said you can do is at least once a month (or week?), go to a place outside of home or work where people expect you to show up - a club, a group, a common interest. Some people have church. Some people have potlucks. Some people have knitting circles. I moved out to Eugene 4 years ago. I'm not the most outgoing person in the world. It's hard to make friends as an adult. And I don't have family here. So what I appreciate most about Crossfit is the awesome people I work out with every day. I was going to single out a few, but then I thought of a few more, so you know who you are ;) I love my Crossfit friends!"
I posted that a year ago. At this time last year, I really didn't know what my life would look like in the upcoming weeks and months. While it's not perfect and Lord knows I have a lot to work on, I'm a lot happier than I thought I'd be.
This year, my CrossFit anniversary is about gratitude. I'm grateful for the friendships I've developed through this community. I'm grateful to work with people who are just discovering CrossFit, so it's always new to me. I'm grateful for the ability to make a lot of my living in this community (both through coaching and this year, through writing). I'm grateful for what CrossFit has done for me emotionally and physically.
I'd love to post a picture of me lifting heavy shit to show how strong I am or doing pull-ups like a bad ass. Whatevs. This one reflects how CrossFit really makes me feel.
25.6.12
Perspective
It's easy to feel down about your workouts when it seems like you're not making much progress, especially when others are making a lot more progress than you. I'm coming up on my three-year anniversary with CrossFit. When I started, I was 20 pounds heavier, lots more depressed, never worked out, yadda yadda yadda.
When I started, there were a few really good athletes at the box, and some pretty good ones, and a lot of people like me. It seems like when we moved to the newer location, a couple things happened. The coaching became a lot better and higher-caliber athletes started going. So newer women would get the same strength PRs that I would get. Frustrating since I had been working so hard for so long, but whatev. Good for everyone. We're all better now.
I haven't really made any strength gains in a year. BUT I also haven't really changed anything this past year, except now I coach. Have I changed my eating? A little, but not anything crazy. I still work out 4-5 times a week and when we go for strength PRs, I don't really push myself. So maybe it's my fault.
We've been doing at least one benchmark every week and I've been kind of snarky about my gains. But they are gains; I'm not really falling back. In reality, in the past two months, I've set PRs in:
There may be only a one second gain here and there, but they're gains.
So if I actually want to do better, I could do a few things.
When I started, there were a few really good athletes at the box, and some pretty good ones, and a lot of people like me. It seems like when we moved to the newer location, a couple things happened. The coaching became a lot better and higher-caliber athletes started going. So newer women would get the same strength PRs that I would get. Frustrating since I had been working so hard for so long, but whatev. Good for everyone. We're all better now.
I haven't really made any strength gains in a year. BUT I also haven't really changed anything this past year, except now I coach. Have I changed my eating? A little, but not anything crazy. I still work out 4-5 times a week and when we go for strength PRs, I don't really push myself. So maybe it's my fault.
We've been doing at least one benchmark every week and I've been kind of snarky about my gains. But they are gains; I'm not really falling back. In reality, in the past two months, I've set PRs in:
- Fight Gone Bad
- Murph
- 5K run
- 1 mile run
- Jackie
- Helen
- Angie
There may be only a one second gain here and there, but they're gains.
So if I actually want to do better, I could do a few things.
- Stop comparing myself to other people. There's a lot that happens outside of CrossFit that accounts for our times.
- Do outside work. Lift weights. Get stronger.
- Actually try to run faster, since it seems to be holding me back.
- Work on my squat. It's terrible and once it improves, I think a lot will improve.
- Figure out a way for my hands not to rip open all the time. Gross.
17.6.12
A Most Epic Adventure
If you've read any of this, you know I don't like running. Which is why it made perfect sense for me to sign up for the Epic Relay, a 2-day, 187 mile relay from Portland to Eugene. Why not? The big sell was hanging out with this group for 2 days.
And it was all totally worth it. This isn't even the whole team. Witness the Fitness is a team of 12, with these pretty ladies in vehicle one.
We'd see them about every six hours or so, when our team or their team was finished with their legs and it was time for the next team to start. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
I didn't train for the Epic Relay. One day I ran 2 6Ks, but that doesn't really do training justice. When you have 3 legs over 24 hours, and at varying times of day with no sleep and little food, well, you just do the best you can. I figured the hardest one would be the last leg for me. And it was. But again, I'm getting ahead of myself.
Our vehicle left Friday morning and got to our first exchange in St. Paul pretty early, allowing ourselves time for stretching, eating, and photo ops. And trust me, this has been very difficult figuring out which pictures to post, since I don't want to make anyone feel like an idiot. We have a lot of ridiculous pictures. I chose the ones that make me look like an idiot the most. Anyway, my good friend Heather made me a tank top with our team name. She didn't have a lot of experience making shirts, so, well, I did wear it once.
Here I am modeling my new shirt and being super creepy with two of my favorite people. There are other pictures, but I will use some judgment.
Then van one showed up and we had to pack up and go so we could meet Sam at the next exchange. This is what happens at an exchange.
And it kind of hit me at this time that we were in the middle of something pretty spectacular. During every second of this relay, we had a runner on the road running (or walking) ...during the whole 187 miles. Someone would wear that orange bracelet and run. And we would do this until we ended up in Eugene. It all became that much more epic when I started thinking about it that way.
I was the 11th runner, which meant I didn't actually run until 4pm on day one. That's a lot of waiting. This is how we wait.
Because we're bad ass. Anyway, I kept putting sunblock on throughout the day because damn, it was getting hot and I'm all Scandinavian. I think I put 4 layers of sunblock on before my run. And then FINALLY I headed out for my 4.72 mile run in the beautiful Oregon countryside, full of fields and ....fields. And running on asphalt. Holy hell it was hot. I started feeling not-so-great right away. 4.72 miles shouldn't be a big deal for me, but I started feeling all tingly and numb like the last time I did Murph. I had one moment where someone or something was watching out for me. At the One Mile to Go sign, there was just a sliver of shade .... and the fields were being watered. So I stood there waiting for the sprinklers. Thank God. I made it back and refueled with Gatorade and water. Not a great showing for my first time out.
After our last runner made it back, we grabbed some food at Safeway and made our way to Scio High School, where we were able to take a shower (with strangers!) and sleep in a field. Awesome! But it was like 8pm, so I wasn't tired. Neither were some of my other teammates, so we talked and laughed and hung out until 11pm ... the night shift! We met vehicle one and started the long evening runs.
For the late night running, each runner had to wear a headlamp and reflective vest. Our van followed each runner closely so we wouldn't lose them or you know, if a bear or a snake attacked we would be right there. The moon wasn't big but there were plenty of stars. I loved watching the runners in the dark with their various reflectiveness. I ran nearly 6 miles down Highway 34 at 3am. It was awesome. I ran the whole way. I did have to kick some broken glass out of the way here and there, but other than that, it was by far my best run.
We made it into Corvallis, exchanged with van one, then drove to Harrisburg, where we promptly crashed in our sleeping bags in front of the high school at dawn. This was the only time I slept during the relay. I think I got a full 2 hours in. Then I kind of woke up, then SOMEONE started talking and I snapped, then drifted off again. I was actually pretty good for being so angry. After the rest of the vehicle woke up, we stretched, ate, and got ready for the third and final leg of the journey.
And it was another hot one. I spent a lot of the day doing this:
I also, uh, supported (?) my teammates the best I could. We didn't have ideal running conditions. We also didn't get much sleep. We didn't have a lot of shade. The sun was right overhead and showed no mercy. I thought my flashy pants would help. I knew it would be hot. I had five miles from Coburg into Eugene. It was an excruciating battle for me. It was SO HOT. I ran the first mile and a half. Then I walked. And ran. And walked. Ugh. It was ugly. I was in a vile mood. My team did their best to support me, but I was in a mood. Hungry, thirsty, tired, hot...but I finished. Then we were a little creative with the last leg....
And then we finished the whole damn thing! 187 miles. 12 people. Flashy pants. Awkward moments. Port-a-potties. New friends. Cougar sightings. And beer at the end. Good times.
And that, my friends, was the Epic Relay. I will do better next year. Witness the Fitness will return and we will be even more Epic. The other teams can eat a bag of dicks.
I didn't train for the Epic Relay. One day I ran 2 6Ks, but that doesn't really do training justice. When you have 3 legs over 24 hours, and at varying times of day with no sleep and little food, well, you just do the best you can. I figured the hardest one would be the last leg for me. And it was. But again, I'm getting ahead of myself.
Our vehicle left Friday morning and got to our first exchange in St. Paul pretty early, allowing ourselves time for stretching, eating, and photo ops. And trust me, this has been very difficult figuring out which pictures to post, since I don't want to make anyone feel like an idiot. We have a lot of ridiculous pictures. I chose the ones that make me look like an idiot the most. Anyway, my good friend Heather made me a tank top with our team name. She didn't have a lot of experience making shirts, so, well, I did wear it once.
Then van one showed up and we had to pack up and go so we could meet Sam at the next exchange. This is what happens at an exchange.
I was the 11th runner, which meant I didn't actually run until 4pm on day one. That's a lot of waiting. This is how we wait.
After our last runner made it back, we grabbed some food at Safeway and made our way to Scio High School, where we were able to take a shower (with strangers!) and sleep in a field. Awesome! But it was like 8pm, so I wasn't tired. Neither were some of my other teammates, so we talked and laughed and hung out until 11pm ... the night shift! We met vehicle one and started the long evening runs.
For the late night running, each runner had to wear a headlamp and reflective vest. Our van followed each runner closely so we wouldn't lose them or you know, if a bear or a snake attacked we would be right there. The moon wasn't big but there were plenty of stars. I loved watching the runners in the dark with their various reflectiveness. I ran nearly 6 miles down Highway 34 at 3am. It was awesome. I ran the whole way. I did have to kick some broken glass out of the way here and there, but other than that, it was by far my best run.
We made it into Corvallis, exchanged with van one, then drove to Harrisburg, where we promptly crashed in our sleeping bags in front of the high school at dawn. This was the only time I slept during the relay. I think I got a full 2 hours in. Then I kind of woke up, then SOMEONE started talking and I snapped, then drifted off again. I was actually pretty good for being so angry. After the rest of the vehicle woke up, we stretched, ate, and got ready for the third and final leg of the journey.
And it was another hot one. I spent a lot of the day doing this:
And then we finished the whole damn thing! 187 miles. 12 people. Flashy pants. Awkward moments. Port-a-potties. New friends. Cougar sightings. And beer at the end. Good times.
And that, my friends, was the Epic Relay. I will do better next year. Witness the Fitness will return and we will be even more Epic. The other teams can eat a bag of dicks.
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| We'll be even more ready next year, Epic Relay! |
4.6.12
Confronting My Past
I've been pretty upfront here about dealing with depression for most of my life. CrossFit has helped a great deal with that. I also know, from my past postings about this, that a lot of other people dealing with this have found solace with the intensity of the workouts and the community. As I get older, I find different ways to 'snap out of it.' I've actually, for the most part, been pretty happy this past year. At least I haven't had to deal with an overwhelming feeling of apathy/despair/sadness/loneliness.
Until recently.
Since dealing with a pretty big blow to my professional world, I've felt not quite myself. I know, I know. It wasn't meant to be. There will be other, better opportunities. I know. But telling myself this, and other people telling me this, doesn't take away the fact that I didn't get that opportunity that I wanted and deserved. And I have to figure out something here that will work for me.
Combine this with a HUGE shift in the weather, from super sunny and perfectly warm to windy/rainy/awfulness, and I've been in a major funk these past few days.
And I really, really, really notice it now when this happens to me. I used to be like this all the time and I don't want to be that way anymore. So I have to have a plan. And I have to make sure that I'm OK. It's up to me to do this.
A very wise friend of mine said this: "Remind yourself to choose what you do or don't do based on your goals and values, rather than your current mood. Your mood may improve and if it doesn't, you still get something done." Wise words from a wise friend.
So what do I do to make sure I'm OK?
Until recently.
Since dealing with a pretty big blow to my professional world, I've felt not quite myself. I know, I know. It wasn't meant to be. There will be other, better opportunities. I know. But telling myself this, and other people telling me this, doesn't take away the fact that I didn't get that opportunity that I wanted and deserved. And I have to figure out something here that will work for me.
Combine this with a HUGE shift in the weather, from super sunny and perfectly warm to windy/rainy/awfulness, and I've been in a major funk these past few days.
And I really, really, really notice it now when this happens to me. I used to be like this all the time and I don't want to be that way anymore. So I have to have a plan. And I have to make sure that I'm OK. It's up to me to do this.
A very wise friend of mine said this: "Remind yourself to choose what you do or don't do based on your goals and values, rather than your current mood. Your mood may improve and if it doesn't, you still get something done." Wise words from a wise friend.
So what do I do to make sure I'm OK?
- Reach out to friends. It's OK to do that. They are my people.
- Do my work, which is difficult. I don't want to do anything. But putting everything off only makes it worse.
- Don't drink. I haven't had any alcohol in over a week and I'm going to keep this up for a while. It's what killed my dad, who also dealt with all of this. (And his dad, but that's an even sadder story)
- Work out. But make sure I'm ready. Do it when I feel good and not too tired or hungry. Push myself just enough.
- But let other people push me, too. Working out takes me out of my head. I need that. I need that a lot.
- Don't compare myself to other people. I'm not them. We all have our stuff that we don't see when we show up for workouts.
- Eat the right foods. Don't get lazy with it.
So what works for other people when they fall into this?
(*and don't worry. Everything's fine. I know it will be fine soon.)
2.6.12
Combining My Passions
This is mainly for me so I have an easy reference, but these are all the articles I've written for the CrossFit Games site this season. I've never really done journalism before, and I'm critical of myself, but it's been a great experience. It's not over; I'll have more leading up to the Games. And so many of these athletes are going to compete at the Games! (Holly, Cheryl, Lucas Parker, and CrossFit Intensify) Anyway, here are some of the awesome athletes I've profiled:
The Box is Her Dojo: Holly Arrow
Pushing Each Other: CrossFit Intensify
The Youngin: Karissa Rempel
Nut Up or Shut Up: Lucas Parker
Blessed and Excited: Cheryl Brost
All In: CrossFit Intensify
Honeymoon at Regionals
The Box is Her Dojo: Holly Arrow
Pushing Each Other: CrossFit Intensify
The Youngin: Karissa Rempel
Nut Up or Shut Up: Lucas Parker
Blessed and Excited: Cheryl Brost
All In: CrossFit Intensify
Honeymoon at Regionals
22.5.12
Self Talk
Yesterday while I was coaching, one of my favorite athletes asked me what I tell myself in the middle of a workout. This is a good question since I've been telling myself a lot of stuff lately just to keep going. I posted this over two years ago (wow!), which details my thought process during a workout. My mindset hasn't changed much. I don't listen to an ipod when I run; I generally let myself think and feel and be in the moment. But this is a sampling of what I tell myself when I need to keep going.
"You've done this before. You'll do this again."
"That ball won't pick itself up."
"I never walk during a run. I'm not going to start now."
"Of course I want to stop. I always want to stop. But I can't. I'll keep going until I can't go anymore."
"I am SO HUNGRY." (this is usually during a metcon after we've lifted heavy stuff)
"SISU!"
"Should I take my shirt off? It's hot. I don't want it to look like I'm taking my shirt off for the sake of taking it off, but it really is hot."
"Pick up the bar."
"Pick up the ball."
"Run faster."
"Shit. I'm not going to set a PR. But I can't quit. I'll keep working until I can't."
"I don't care if my hand just tore. I have to finish these pull-ups."
"I can do this."
"If that person can do this, I can do it." (I try not to resort to this.)
"I can't get a PR if I stop."
"I can't get a DNF by my name."
"This feeling will go away."
"I hate running. But I'm here and I have to."
"Breathe."
Feel free to add anything that works for you. I know I have a tendency to drown out other people and/or music and focus on my own thoughts (unless the song is really bad, then that's all I can think of). Basically, don't quit. I'm not a quitter.
"You've done this before. You'll do this again."
"That ball won't pick itself up."
"I never walk during a run. I'm not going to start now."
"Of course I want to stop. I always want to stop. But I can't. I'll keep going until I can't go anymore."
"I am SO HUNGRY." (this is usually during a metcon after we've lifted heavy stuff)
"SISU!"
"Should I take my shirt off? It's hot. I don't want it to look like I'm taking my shirt off for the sake of taking it off, but it really is hot."
"Pick up the bar."
"Pick up the ball."
"Run faster."
"Shit. I'm not going to set a PR. But I can't quit. I'll keep working until I can't."
"I don't care if my hand just tore. I have to finish these pull-ups."
"I can do this."
"If that person can do this, I can do it." (I try not to resort to this.)
"I can't get a PR if I stop."
"I can't get a DNF by my name."
"This feeling will go away."
"I hate running. But I'm here and I have to."
"Breathe."
Feel free to add anything that works for you. I know I have a tendency to drown out other people and/or music and focus on my own thoughts (unless the song is really bad, then that's all I can think of). Basically, don't quit. I'm not a quitter.
17.5.12
I Don't Follow My Own Advice
Usually, our CrossFit workouts take anywhere from 5-20 minutes. You don't want to be too intense for too long. Sometimes, we do these crazy WODs that we make up or Hero WODs that take a lot longer than 20 minutes. Today I am reminded why we shouldn't do this too often.
Murph is one of my favorite WODs.
Run 1 mile
100 pull-ups
200 push-ups
300 squats
Run 1 mile
Wear a weight vest if you have it.
Right. So this takes a while. I did it on New Year's Eve last year and it took me 50:38. That's a long time to be working out hard core. So my goal this time around was to do it in 45 minutes. That did not happen.
I ran the mile and I actually felt a little slow. I think I finished in about 8:20. So that would leave me about 25 minutes to finish 20 rounds of Cindy before I'd have to head out for my last mile. I can do that!
Actually, I can't. Not on Tuesday, anyway. I started doing my 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups, and 15 squats. The squats hurt more than usual this time. Hmmm. I kept looking at the time and the amount of rounds that kept adding up. I knew I wouldn't do it in 45 minutes. I felt sick to my stomach. My thighs hurt. Everything hurt. I wanted to stop. I constantly wanted to stop.
But I didn't. I would look down at my wrist. SISU! I would think about Murph and all of those who lost their lives for our country and figured I could get through the workout. I headed out on that last mile run and felt numb and hot and cold at the same time. Seriously, I did not feel good when I got back to the box and saw the clock: 50:19. Well, at least it was a PR.
The coaches had put a 45 minute cap on the workout, which I just ignored. I was going to finish. They just needed to keep the clock running. I know I want my athletes to listen to me and I know I should listen to my coaches, but sometimes you just have to finish. You can't put a time cap on awesome.
But since then, I've felt exhausted. I went to Jamba Juice right after the WOD and refueled with a smoothie. Then I just sat for a while. I watched Cougar Town. I watched VH1's top songs of the 90s countdown. I felt nostalgic. I felt like we should bring back this song for this summer:
I thought about all the great music that I miss so much. But really, I just couldn't move.
Yesterday, I moved around slowly. I had breakfast/lunch with one of my most favorite people and had some french toast, which made me even more sleepy. I tried to move in GWOD, but really, it just wasn't happening.
Today, my shoulder hurts. I can't really, truly extend my right arm. My legs are just useless. I am exhausted.
A couple weeks ago, I worked a lot and I didn't work out that much. Last week, I was angry at the world and I worked out too much. This week, I do Murph and I can't move.
13.5.12
Such is Life
Last week at this time, I was sure that I was about to face a big change in my life. I was ready. I had worked hard. It was happening.
Until...it didn't.
I did everything right. I was 98% sure that something I wanted so much was going to happen. I hadn't planned on that 2%. I really hadn't planned on it.
There are variables in life that we can't control. I wasn't ready for this to not work. If you saw me on Monday or Tuesday of last week and I wasn't crying, you were lucky. It was a rough couple of days. I've dealt with depression a lot in my life and I was really worried that I was going to fall into a really dark place when this happened.
But I haven't.
I did this a few weeks ago. Yes, this is real life. I needed a constant reminder of who I am and where I come from. Since I've gotten it, I've thought of my grandmother so much. She's been through more than anyone should handle. Finns are tough people.
Sometimes we want something. It might be a job, an opportunity, weight loss, hanstand push-ups, pistols, whatever. We try EVERYTHING and we're almost there...and yet, it just doesn't happen. I believe, in my soul, in perseverance. When we don't get what we've worked so hard for, we have to believe in it, or else we collapse.
C'est la vie
Until...it didn't.
I did everything right. I was 98% sure that something I wanted so much was going to happen. I hadn't planned on that 2%. I really hadn't planned on it.
There are variables in life that we can't control. I wasn't ready for this to not work. If you saw me on Monday or Tuesday of last week and I wasn't crying, you were lucky. It was a rough couple of days. I've dealt with depression a lot in my life and I was really worried that I was going to fall into a really dark place when this happened.
But I haven't.
I did this a few weeks ago. Yes, this is real life. I needed a constant reminder of who I am and where I come from. Since I've gotten it, I've thought of my grandmother so much. She's been through more than anyone should handle. Finns are tough people.
Sometimes we want something. It might be a job, an opportunity, weight loss, hanstand push-ups, pistols, whatever. We try EVERYTHING and we're almost there...and yet, it just doesn't happen. I believe, in my soul, in perseverance. When we don't get what we've worked so hard for, we have to believe in it, or else we collapse.
C'est la vie
16.4.12
Reflections on Coaching
Last fall I saw a window of opportunity to get my Level One Certification and start coaching. This is so different than anything I've ever done. I needed that. I needed change and I needed a challenge. I'm so happy I decided to do it.
I started coaching at the end of November. When I started, I was worried that nobody would take me seriously. They'd think, "Hey, there's that woman who fixes Jeremy's grammar and yells real loud when she does cleans. I hear she's also good at opening champagne bottles. WTF is she doing leading my class?" And maybe that's what some people were thinking. But I kept signing up for classes because I knew I wouldn't get better unless I actually coached. So I faced those fears and just kept coaching.
And then some things started to click. I got some regular classes (I love my Mondays at 3:30). I started knowing the athletes that I didn't know. They started asking me questions. Newer people asked me questions. I knew the answers. Newer people saw me as a coach, and not just another athlete. I started feeling more like I want to feel. Challenged, yet comfortable. And it's fun. It is.
I've been told that I'm not always the most confident in front of a group. I think this is true in the case when I'm with more experienced athletes. I love working with newer athletes. I love figuring out ways to scale so they know how to do the movements safely and they'll get a good workout.
I just listened to an incredible ending to a baseball game. Justin Verlander needed to pitch the full game. He just had to. It was the bottom of the 9th. The Tigers were up 3-2 and his pitch count was in the 120s (that's a lot for all of you who don't know baseball). He walked a guy and then had runners on 1st and 2nd. Jim Leyland, the Tigers' manager, comes out to the mound. They chat. Verlander stays in the game. Not many managers or coaches would believe in a player like that. He kept him in the game. Verlander actually hit the next batter, which loaded the bases. He stays in. If there's a hit or a walk, the Royals win (the f*ing Royals, of all teams). On his 131st pitch, Verlander struck out the hitter. Tigers win! His manager believed in him.
I'm no Jim Leyland. I could never grow a mustache that awesome. Sometimes our athletes need to hear it from someone else that they can do it. Sometimes just hearing your name during a WOD is all you need to keep going, or a cue from a coach so you know they're paying attention. I totally believe in our athletes. They're f*ing amazing.
And things go wrong all the time. If you've taken a class with me, you probably know that I'd like to run over the timer with my car. Run it over! Sometimes Pandora picks the wrong song. Sometimes my athletes don't like Rihanna! Whatev!
I know I'm not the best athlete. I'm average. I really need to work on technique in my lifts. But you don't need to be the best athlete to be a good coach. You need to recognize form in others and give cues to help them improve. I know I'll get better at this the more I do it. I just need to keep doing it and keep paying attention.
I like coaching. I'm glad I needed the challenge. And I'm grateful for the athletes who believe in me, because I certainly believe in them.
I started coaching at the end of November. When I started, I was worried that nobody would take me seriously. They'd think, "Hey, there's that woman who fixes Jeremy's grammar and yells real loud when she does cleans. I hear she's also good at opening champagne bottles. WTF is she doing leading my class?" And maybe that's what some people were thinking. But I kept signing up for classes because I knew I wouldn't get better unless I actually coached. So I faced those fears and just kept coaching.
And then some things started to click. I got some regular classes (I love my Mondays at 3:30). I started knowing the athletes that I didn't know. They started asking me questions. Newer people asked me questions. I knew the answers. Newer people saw me as a coach, and not just another athlete. I started feeling more like I want to feel. Challenged, yet comfortable. And it's fun. It is.
I've been told that I'm not always the most confident in front of a group. I think this is true in the case when I'm with more experienced athletes. I love working with newer athletes. I love figuring out ways to scale so they know how to do the movements safely and they'll get a good workout.
I just listened to an incredible ending to a baseball game. Justin Verlander needed to pitch the full game. He just had to. It was the bottom of the 9th. The Tigers were up 3-2 and his pitch count was in the 120s (that's a lot for all of you who don't know baseball). He walked a guy and then had runners on 1st and 2nd. Jim Leyland, the Tigers' manager, comes out to the mound. They chat. Verlander stays in the game. Not many managers or coaches would believe in a player like that. He kept him in the game. Verlander actually hit the next batter, which loaded the bases. He stays in. If there's a hit or a walk, the Royals win (the f*ing Royals, of all teams). On his 131st pitch, Verlander struck out the hitter. Tigers win! His manager believed in him.
I'm no Jim Leyland. I could never grow a mustache that awesome. Sometimes our athletes need to hear it from someone else that they can do it. Sometimes just hearing your name during a WOD is all you need to keep going, or a cue from a coach so you know they're paying attention. I totally believe in our athletes. They're f*ing amazing.
And things go wrong all the time. If you've taken a class with me, you probably know that I'd like to run over the timer with my car. Run it over! Sometimes Pandora picks the wrong song. Sometimes my athletes don't like Rihanna! Whatev!
I know I'm not the best athlete. I'm average. I really need to work on technique in my lifts. But you don't need to be the best athlete to be a good coach. You need to recognize form in others and give cues to help them improve. I know I'll get better at this the more I do it. I just need to keep doing it and keep paying attention.
I like coaching. I'm glad I needed the challenge. And I'm grateful for the athletes who believe in me, because I certainly believe in them.
9.4.12
Moderating (or not)
I
eat cleaner than the vast majority of Americans. And I understand that
eating clean can mean different things to different people. Many people
would look at a Yumm bowl and think, “Rice, avocado, olives, tomatoes,
edamame...that looks pretty healthy!” Sure...but not for me. Grains are
probably not the best choice all around (although I don’t think that a
little rice now and then can hurt). I don’t want to admit it or believe
it, but I think there’s something in Yumm sauce (like crack) that makes
me congested. Because that’s how I feel now when I eat something I’m not
supposed to - congested. Thanks Whole 30. Now I’m acutely aware of how
food makes me feel.
It seems like I’ll go through phases where I’ll eat pretty clean, then I’ll allow myself some treats, then I’ll just go off the deep end and I can’t button my jeans anymore. Then I’ll realize I need to clean it up, I’ll stay that way for a few weeks, then I’m back to the sweatpants. I remember reading something in a magazine a while back...a word I hear people say once in a while that I don’t really understand...something like...moderation?
Of course! Moderation! Duh! This could mean eating 90% paleo and allowing a cheat meal once a week. That sounds great! That sounds easy! That sounds...COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY UNDOABLE!!!
I am not a moderator. I can’t eat two Thin Mints. Is there anyone in the world who could eat two Thin Mints? Once that box is open, they’re gone in a matter of minutes. And this isn't just about food! If I like something, I want a lot of it. Baseball just started. You think I can check scores and standings once a week or once a day? Forget it. My time is occupied from now until the end of October (since the Tigers will win it all this year). Moderation is not in my vocabulary.
CrossFit workouts are “fun.” They make you feel like your body is actually doing something. They push you to work harder. Beat the clock. Beat your last time. Get one more rep. Do it! Sometimes we’ll plan on a rest day, then see what the workout is that day and think, ‘I have to do this one! I’ll take a rest day eventually. Maybe the next day.’ And it never happens and we get burnt out and injured. OK, this doesn’t always happen, but sometimes it can. I think I’ve almost figured out a way to find ‘moderation’ in CrossFit.
Rest (sometimes)
Don’t go crazy RX superhard beastmode every day
Listen to your body
Let your coaches scale you
Stop comparing yourself to other people*
*A special word on this last one. During the CrossFit Open, of course we compare ourselves to others. We’re all doing the same workout with the same weights. I was disappointed in a lot of my workouts, but I need to factor in the rest of my life. My stress level this past year has been a lot higher than in the past. I don’t want to mention how many times I’ve moved in the past year, and how different my life is now than how it used to be. These are important factors that the leaderboards don’t measure.
I need to think of food this way, too. I think dairy makes me break out. Sugar turns me into a monster. Ordering a Yumm bowl a few times a week is just lazy. Do I want to be this way? No. So I need to be mindful of the choices I make and what behaviors and side effects they will cause. I need to be accountable for how I act and how I present myself to the world. Food is a big part of that. Food is just the first step. Time to reset, yet again.
It seems like I’ll go through phases where I’ll eat pretty clean, then I’ll allow myself some treats, then I’ll just go off the deep end and I can’t button my jeans anymore. Then I’ll realize I need to clean it up, I’ll stay that way for a few weeks, then I’m back to the sweatpants. I remember reading something in a magazine a while back...a word I hear people say once in a while that I don’t really understand...something like...moderation?
Of course! Moderation! Duh! This could mean eating 90% paleo and allowing a cheat meal once a week. That sounds great! That sounds easy! That sounds...COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY UNDOABLE!!!
I am not a moderator. I can’t eat two Thin Mints. Is there anyone in the world who could eat two Thin Mints? Once that box is open, they’re gone in a matter of minutes. And this isn't just about food! If I like something, I want a lot of it. Baseball just started. You think I can check scores and standings once a week or once a day? Forget it. My time is occupied from now until the end of October (since the Tigers will win it all this year). Moderation is not in my vocabulary.
CrossFit workouts are “fun.” They make you feel like your body is actually doing something. They push you to work harder. Beat the clock. Beat your last time. Get one more rep. Do it! Sometimes we’ll plan on a rest day, then see what the workout is that day and think, ‘I have to do this one! I’ll take a rest day eventually. Maybe the next day.’ And it never happens and we get burnt out and injured. OK, this doesn’t always happen, but sometimes it can. I think I’ve almost figured out a way to find ‘moderation’ in CrossFit.
Rest (sometimes)
Don’t go crazy RX superhard beastmode every day
Listen to your body
Let your coaches scale you
Stop comparing yourself to other people*
*A special word on this last one. During the CrossFit Open, of course we compare ourselves to others. We’re all doing the same workout with the same weights. I was disappointed in a lot of my workouts, but I need to factor in the rest of my life. My stress level this past year has been a lot higher than in the past. I don’t want to mention how many times I’ve moved in the past year, and how different my life is now than how it used to be. These are important factors that the leaderboards don’t measure.
I need to think of food this way, too. I think dairy makes me break out. Sugar turns me into a monster. Ordering a Yumm bowl a few times a week is just lazy. Do I want to be this way? No. So I need to be mindful of the choices I make and what behaviors and side effects they will cause. I need to be accountable for how I act and how I present myself to the world. Food is a big part of that. Food is just the first step. Time to reset, yet again.
23.3.12
Redemption
For me, the CrossFit Games Open is now done. I am very happy about that. While I feel like I was somewhat of a catalyst for some people to sign up, I feel like I wasn't a very good competitor this year. I felt like I didn't really give it my all on any of them (except maybe my second attempt at 12.2). I wasn't really excited about any of them....until 12.5.
I practiced handstand push-ups all week. I still haven't gotten one, but I am SO CLOSE!!! I was sure they would program a Diane ladder (deadlifts, hspu). Most people thought this. Instead, they brought out the last one from last year: the Fran ladder.
Last year, I got three thrusters and spent 6:30 trying to get a chest to bar pull-up...twice. And although I've been able to get chest-to-bars in practice now and then, I haven't really done them consistently, so I wasn't sure if I was able to get them during the WOD.
And I would have been able to do more if I hadn't been SO HAPPY!!!! I don't know if I've ever smiled so much in a workout. What a relief! I've actually improved! It's been so long since I've seen actual improvement...maybe this is just what I need to kick myself back into some sort of mental shape.
And part of me thought, for a minute, 'Damn. I could have gotten more reps if I would have known I would have done that well. And that was my one shot.' But then, my true self came through. It's just exercise and I improved! How often do we just enjoy what we're doing in CrossFit (as much as you can enjoy thrusters and pull-ups)? I was smiling for hours after that. Not because I looked ridiculous, like my snatches in 12.2, but because I was awesome!
So the moral of the story is don't forget to have fun. Otherwise, what's the point?
So I hope that the Open was worth it for everyone who participated. I look forward to seeing who will be going to Regionals this year. And for those of you who pushed yourself farther than you intended, nice work. You understood the point.
I practiced handstand push-ups all week. I still haven't gotten one, but I am SO CLOSE!!! I was sure they would program a Diane ladder (deadlifts, hspu). Most people thought this. Instead, they brought out the last one from last year: the Fran ladder.
Last year, I got three thrusters and spent 6:30 trying to get a chest to bar pull-up...twice. And although I've been able to get chest-to-bars in practice now and then, I haven't really done them consistently, so I wasn't sure if I was able to get them during the WOD.
I got 23.
And I would have been able to do more if I hadn't been SO HAPPY!!!! I don't know if I've ever smiled so much in a workout. What a relief! I've actually improved! It's been so long since I've seen actual improvement...maybe this is just what I need to kick myself back into some sort of mental shape.
And part of me thought, for a minute, 'Damn. I could have gotten more reps if I would have known I would have done that well. And that was my one shot.' But then, my true self came through. It's just exercise and I improved! How often do we just enjoy what we're doing in CrossFit (as much as you can enjoy thrusters and pull-ups)? I was smiling for hours after that. Not because I looked ridiculous, like my snatches in 12.2, but because I was awesome!
So the moral of the story is don't forget to have fun. Otherwise, what's the point?
So I hope that the Open was worth it for everyone who participated. I look forward to seeing who will be going to Regionals this year. And for those of you who pushed yourself farther than you intended, nice work. You understood the point.
“Promise me you'll always remember:
You're braver than you believe,
and stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think. ”
Christopher Robin to Pooh
A.A. Milne
And this, right here, is truly what the Open is about: Pride.
**And I am purposely leaving out any mention of the wall balls in 12.4. I completely lost my motivation and those weren't fun. Not at all. They never will be.**
11.3.12
Setting the Bar
So I think I'm finally able to move my arms again. That will change again tomorrow, I'm sure. For Open WOD 12.3, we finally got a CrossFit WOD! 18 minutes of box jumps, push presses, and toes to bar. Awesome! And it didn't feel as bad as I thought it would when I did it Thursday. That also means I could have pushed harder. By Friday evening, I started to hurt. By Saturday morning, I was sooooo sore. And for some stupid reason, I decided to try it again this morning. Let's just not talk about that.
The hard part about the workout for me was the push presses. 75lbsx12 per round = real heavy, real fast. The toes to bar was like a break for me. It hasn't always been this way.
I don't know what it is about this move that pisses off so many people. Maybe it's because when athletes are good at it, it looks so effortless. But it does take a lot of effort. Those of us who can do them felt that effort as the rounds added up.
But many people struggle with the movement. All you have to do is a big kip, swing your feet up, and touch the bar, right? Sure! OK, well, not really.
Last year, I judged one of my favorite people in the world. She did her 5 heavy power cleans, then spent 18 minutes trying to get one toes to bar. She did leave and cry at one time. BUT she came back! And she kept trying. This year, she did 34 toes to bar. So proud.
And this weekend, I worked with 2 other athletes who knew they could post a score to the Games site with what they had already done, but who continued to work at getting those toes to bar. And if they keep coming in and working on them, next year, not a problem.
The Open can expose our weaknesses. I'm not good at short workouts. I know this. I like the 10 minute + workouts. I haven't been great at box jumps before, but somehow, they're starting to click with me. I need to work on stringing them together. As long as we work on these things, and KEEP TRYING, we will get better.
And hopefully, by the time they release 12.4 (double unders and heavy cleans?), I'll be able to move my arms again.
4.3.12
Snatch It Like It's Hot...Or How Not to Get A Lot of Weight Overhead
My hopes of showing off my double under skills were obliterated when CrossFit HQ announced WOD 12.2 - a snatch ladder. Just snatches for 10 minutes, increasing in weight every 30 reps. After some initial grumbling, I understood the WOD. Most can get through 30 reps. Those with some strength can get between 31-60. Those with both strength and skill will get the most reps.
For women, this meant starting out at 45lbs, then moving up to 75 for the second part. That was my previous 1 rep max. So I walked in not knowing what to expect. My goal was 40 reps. I got through my first 30. Then it got ugly.
 |
| Yeah, my back is hurting. |
And one of my favorite athletes said I was smiling the whole time. Of course I was. It was RIDICULOUS! There were a few rules about what we couldn't do, but otherwise, just get it from the ground to overhead in "one" motion. I was also smiling because I exceeded my goal - I was pretty happy with my score. But some stupid instinct in me told me I could get 60 reps. So I waited a couple days, then I went at it again.
So I came in on Sunday, ready to get 60 reps. After my first 30, I had 7:30 to complete it. That is such a huge jump in weight. It really is. I ended up with 53, 5 better than the first time, and I was completely happy with that.
And I could care less how I compare to other people. I know a lot of women in the box got 60 reps and that's awesome. I just didn't have it in me this time. 75lbs was my one rep max - now it's my 23 rep max.
We also saw some amazing determination (SISU!) by our athletes. One woman, Annie, got the 60 reps on Thursday and new she could get to the next level if she focused. She showed up on Saturday, got through the 60, then loaded the bar. A crowd formed. She attempted to snatch 100lb. - failed. Tried again, failed. And suddenly, something clicked. She got that weight overhead, and everyone was so happy. And she did it three more times. That's a true CrossFitter. That's what the Open is all about. Nice work, Annie!
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